


Homestead

by strayorphan



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 10+ year age gaps!!!! tw, Age Difference, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Chan is kinda old, Internalized Homophobia, Jeongin is a child, M/M, Masculinity, Minor Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Semi-Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, also beware the mature rating, hot insecure farm boys, seriously the age gaps are an issue, sexy handyman minho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strayorphan/pseuds/strayorphan
Summary: Two brothers own a farm, they take in strays.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 228
Kudos: 426





	1. 1989

**Author's Note:**

> for context:
> 
> •AGE GAPS: Characters have all been aged up or down, there are some significant age gaps (!!!!!!!!)  
> •Alternate Universe setting but heavily inspired by rural/historical North America  
> • 1980’s time period [Hyunjin has an 80’s mullet not a 2019 mullet]  
> •I did a lot of research for this story, but it’s still not perfect, I have never lived on a farm (or lived through the 80s) so sorry  
> •Semi-Unreliable narrator: sometimes the characters don’t tell you everything  
> • I started writing this in February 2020. Most of the story is written out but I'm procrastinating. Most of the details live in my head, so I might forget to describe something.  
> The writing gets better in chapter 5.
> 
> YoungK/Younghyun (Day6) has replaced W***** in this story, he was only a minor character anyways
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING/CONTENT WARNING:
> 
> This story has characters aged 18/19 having relationships with characters a lot older than them. If you are uncomfortable with this then this might not be the fic for you.  
> I do not recommend relationships like this in real life. This is fiction. And I honestly regret making the age gaps so big, but it was part of the plot.
> 
> There is also mention of horrible parents, homophobia, trauma etc

1989

Jisung had been walking long enough to see the sun move from his back to his face. He had resorted to walking with his eyes closed, and made a game out of how long he could go before he got scared and had to open them. It probably made the brightness worse, spots dancing in the glare with every squint. At least it was only the beginning of the summer, though he was sweating through his clothes and his skin was red, at least it wasn’t August.

There weren’t many cars on this road, but more than the southbound road he had been on yesterday. He thought country people were supposed to be nicer, but he hadn’t been able to catch a ride in two days (The last had been a chatty trucker who was kind enough to take him several hours away).

It wasn’t the best time to be a hitchhiker, with the entire county still on alert after that prison break a couple months ago. Jisung knew enough about the path he’d travelled to know he was near to that prison with the colourful history. Everyone on this side of the country had stories about that place. And so it was probably never lucky for hitchhikers around here.

Jisung wouldn’t have minded walking, he had developed several fun things to keep his mind occupied like the dangerous game he was playing now, but he was increasingly worried about the lack of gas stations or civilization of any kind. He had passed a few farms; farmhouses visible across large fields of green crops, but didn’t want to risk trespassing. The last gas station had been back at sun rise. Jisung’s water bottle was pitifully empty.

He heard a noise behind him. He wasn’t sure if it was a sun stroke hallucination or if it really was a truck appearing at the horizon of the long flat highway. Either way he started jogging and tugged his flannel shirt from where it was tied to his backpack strap to wave over his head. Jisung waved the shirt in one hand and held out a raised thumb with the other. The truck got closer, Jisung could see the faint shape of the driver as the large cab blocked the sun.

But the driver didn’t slow down.

Jisung jogged backwards to keep up, hoping the driver would see him. But the truck kept going. Jisung dropped his hands to his knees, leaning over and panting, not caring when his backpack slipped off his shoulder and hit the ground beside him.

He sat down in the dusty dirt on the side of the road and glared in the direction the truck had gone. His head was buzzing and now he was sure he was _definitely_ going through heat stroke. The noise got louder. Jisung turned away from the sun, hoping it would help, there was a pick-up truck approaching. He tripped over himself while trying to get up and shoot his thumb out at the road, but the pick-up was already slowing down and pulling to the side of the asphalt near him.

The pick-up has a cramped back seat, but Jisung is a small guy and it doesn’t bother him at all. All that matters is the cool air coming from the car’s air conditioner and the bottle of water that had been thrust into his hand.

The boy that gives him the water, Felix he said, turns his full lips into a smile that raises his freckled cheeks before he turns back to the front and puts his seatbelt back on. Jisung doesn’t bother to put his seatbelt on in favour of slouching against the middle seat and downing the water.

The dry road passes like a blur through the windshield compared to the endless trudge it had been on foot.

“Where’re you going?” Asks the driver, Chan, meeting Jisung’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.

“No idea.” Jisung admits after a hard swallow. The water is amazingly sweet on his dry tongue.

“Do you need a place to stay?”

Jisung felt that his body started to melt into the leather, finally relaxing, except for the ache in his legs from walking so long. He studied his two rescuers while they drove, trying to figure out who they were from their side profiles and catching snippets of conversation. He couldn’t tell how old Chan was, in his thirties maybe, young enough, and with muscular arms on the steering wheel, but with a lot of wear on him. Like he had lived through a lot, like he was in charge of a lot. Maybe he was a dad. From what Jisung could see, Felix looked like a teenager, but with a voice that had obviously dropped. They couldn’t be father and son could they? … brothers maybe? Cousins? G—

“We’re here!” Chan called out, chipper, definitely like a dad.

Jisung stopped staring at the side of Chan’s face and looked out the window. They had pulled onto a long driveway and were approaching a large farmhouse. There was a Barn visible behind the house and great big trees on the sides. Chan parked beside another pick-up and Felix immediately jumped out. Chan turned around to Jisung;

“I’m inviting you into my home, I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you will respect me and my family. You are welcome so long as you are not trying to take advantage of us.” Chan’s voice was a lot lower than the chipper one he had used so far.

He was serious, and Jisung was thoroughly intimidated.

“Yes sir. Thank you sir.” Jisung straightened up.

“It’s Chan, you’re welcome.”

Chan opened his door and Jisung grabbed his backpack.

Felix was unloading the flatbed and waved Jisung over. He helped them carry the boxes from the back of the pick-up to the house. His legs felt like jelly under the weight.

The house was big, with blue siding and wicker furniture on the front porch. It was nice, picturesque even.

Chan just pushed the front door open, no keys, and called out “We’re home!” Jisung really felt like he’d been sucked into some old TV show, that some actress in a full skirt and apron was going to meet them inside with a kiss to Chan’s cheek.

Jisung followed Felix in off the porch, into the wide hallway, and peered his head into each room they passed on the way to a bright kitchen.

“Hey” came a new voice, and a taller man turned from the sink to greet them (definitely not what Jisung had expected), smile falling into a curious slant when he noticed Jisung.

“We picked up a stray.” Chan laughed.

Jisung didn’t realize how tired he was until his head hit the pillow.

After being introduced to Younghyun, the man in the kitchen, and setting down their boxes, Chan led Jisung back to the front of the house and into the living room. He grabbed a pillow and blanket from a chest beside the television and set them up on the couch under the window.

“You can close the curtains if it’s too bright, get some sleep.” Chan smiled and closed the pocket door to the hallway behind him.

Jisung didn’t need to close the curtains, passed out almost immediately and when he woke up it was dark out.

There was a lamp glowing on the other side of the room and moonlight coming in through the window, it felt so familiar to Jisung, not creepy like waking up in a strange old house is expected to be. There was another big couch in the room and a nice TV, old, but still nicer than the one Jisung had grown up with.

He got up and stretched, was surprised to find a glass of water on the table beside the couch and drained it. His backpack was at the foot of the couch and he went through it to make sure his stuff was all there. He didn’t have a ton of money but was thankful it was all still bound and tucked in a sock at the bottom of the bag.

Suddenly the silence of the house was broken by the dull sound of footsteps overhead, someone had obviously woken up. Jisung sunk back down into the couch and listened. The steps were still sounding overhead when he heard the squeak of stairs and the sound of a door at the back of the house. Jisung looked out the window again and could faintly see the sky brightening, he had to have slept through the night to dawn. Jisung probably could’ve fallen back to sleep if he tried, but he had already become too curious about the activity elsewhere in the house, and so went to open the pocket door out into the hall. There was light coming from the kitchen, as well as the smell of coffee. Jisung tiptoed to the doorway and poked his head in.

Someone he hadn’t seen yesterday was pouring coffee with his back turned to Jisung. Through the window he could see the silhouettes of Chan and someone else walking towards a large barn.

“Hey.”

Jisung turned to look at coffee guy, who was staring at him over his mug.

“Jisung right? I’m Changbin.”

“Morning,” Jisung stepped fully into the room, “uh… sorry, Chan didn’t tell me how many people lived here.”

“Oh there’s a few of us…Coffee?”

Changbin poured Jisung a cup of coffee and motioned for him to sit at the large kitchen table.

Jisung counted the number of guys he had met in his head. 4? It seemed a little strange. Were they all brothers? Some of them looked too different; too many ages and heights. Were there any women around? Jisung tried to look around the kitchen for any signs, but it was hard to tell. Most of these guys looked old enough to be married. There definitely weren’t any highchairs or baby things around. Why would a bunch of young men live together?

Jisung blushed at those thoughts, and tried to focus instead on other things, like the chicken themed decorations on the wall. But now that it was in his head he was thinking about hippie communes, clothing optional hippie communes. So far everyone here was fully dressed. And Chan didn’t have enough of a beard to be some Hippie cult leader.

They sat in fairly awkward silence until a messy haired Felix shuffled in and made a beeline for the fridge.

“Good morning” Changbin greeted. Felix grunted in reply. He pulled out a container of juice and sat down beside Jisung with a tall glass. Jisung sat stiff and quiet between the two of them while Felix chugged his juice, waiting for the friendly Felix from yesterday to wake up. He was not expecting when Felix set down his glass with a thunk and leaned over and rested his weight against Jisung’s side. Jisung stayed still, caught off guard and not knowing what to do. It was only more and more awkward as the seconds ticked by on the chicken shaped clock on the wall. Felix appeared to be falling back asleep on his shoulder. Jisung snapped out of his discomfort enough to send a wide eyed-look to Changbin on the other side. Changbin thankfully nodded back and cleared his throat.

“Felix you’re drooling on the new kid.” Changbin said before draining his coffee and getting up, his chair scraping against the linoleum floor.

Felix grumbled, slowly looked up at Jisung and nearly jumped out of his chair. His head swiveled between Jisung and Changbin while he realized his mistake.

“Well at least he’s awake now.” Changbin remarked with a raised brow.

Changbin showed Jisung to the small bathroom in the hallway. He was relieved to see a tiny shower stall and not just a powder room. After washing away all the dirt from the road he felt a million times better. He pulled on his last pair of clean underwear from his bag and the flannel shirt he’d been carrying around his waist. It had less sweat on it than his t-shirt.

When he opened the door he could hear a lot more noise coming from the kitchen than when he left.

This time when Jisung poked his head into the kitchen there were half a dozen men crowding around. There were two new faces but it was Chan who glanced up over all the other heads to spot Jisung in the doorway and wave him over.

As he shuffled across the room, the kitchen door opened and a boy came in with a basket and a cheerful yell of “I got the eggs!”

He brushed past Jisung on his way to the stove to a chorus of “finally!”, “great, get out of our way,” and “how do you all want your eggs?!” from the three men by the stove.

Chan guided Jisung to sit down at the table beside one of the new faces.

“Hi, I’m Seungmin” the new face smiled, before an arm with a plate full of toast came down between them and Seungmin was distracted with trying to shove bread in his mouth and butter another at the same time.

Jisung’s head spun as he tried to keep up with the multi-sensory overload of the busy scene. The little boy had joined the group at the stove, hair being pet by a tall lanky kid with long hair. Felix was flitting between Younghyun at the stove, the toaster, and the table where Seungmin was wielding his butter knife. Chan and Changbin were having a conversation from opposite sides of the room, each in black with matching brown coffee mugs, creating a strange warped mirror effect of old buff farmer guys. Younghyun was now shouting something and lifting the pan above Felix and the kid’s head. He nearly hit lanky guy but didn’t phase Seungmin when he held the pan above his head.

Jisung just sat and stayed quiet, watching everything come together, everything settle, and everyone sit down. It was completely overwhelming to him, especially since he was used to much quieter mornings than this.

They were still all reaching over and across the table as they filled their plates and started eating.

“Hey, Jeongin, save that piece for Minho.” Chan pointed his fork at the little boy.

“But he already…oh” Jisung made eye contact with the kid, who seemed to finally notice his presence. It was at this point that Jisung noticed that his plate had been filled with eggs and bacon and toast by someone, presumably a combined effort of Felix and Younghyun sitting at his sides.

“Minho’s working on something in the barn. I forgot to tell you we have a guest. This is Jisung.” Chan made a motion like he expected Jisung and Jeongin to greet each other. The man probably thought Jisung was closer to the kid’s age than he actually was. He gave an awkward wave over his plate and tried not to shrink under the attention of all the others.

“So, uh… how many dudes live here?” He asked tentatively. This really was the biggest question on his mind, and no one had properly answered it yet.

“Uh…” Felix was counting heads on his fingers across the table, plus one extra, “8?” He turned to the man at the head of the table.

“Yeah, eight” Chan confirmed from behind his coffee mug.

“That’s a lot of dudes.” Jisung mumbled, finally picking up his fork.

Unexpectedly this drew a laugh from all the others. Jisung felt his ears grow warm. Someone gave him a pat on the back.

After all the food, bar a portion saved for the mysterious “Minho”, was gone, and some of the boys had started clearing plates, Chan called for his attention.

“Jisung?”

“Oh, uh yeah?” He swiped his fork through a bit of jam left on his empty plate.

Chan seemed to share a look with Changbin, receiving a nod in return.

“I have a proposition for you,”

“um okay.” Jisung felt the stares of all the other guys turn on him.

“If you need a place to stay for a while, you can stay here and work on the farm in exchange.” Jisung’s eyebrows shot up, he hadn’t really expected that. Chan seemed to take this as disinterest. “Or if you’re keen to head off, we can drive you into town or the nearest bus station.”

Jisung took a moment to think about his next words, and accidentally met some of the eyes that were trained on him from around the room. The kid, Jeongin was staring up with innocent curiosity from the other side of the table.

“You would really let me stay here?” Jisung asked, he hadn’t really considered that they might offer such a thing.

“You are a bit of an exception to any hitchhiker we’ve met before,” Chan chuckled. Jisung figured he was referring to Jisung’s small stature, baby face and sudden shyness around the big group. Wait, did they often pick up hitchhikers?

“We don’t know each other, but I have always tried to help kids that need a place to stay. But I want you to know that I am giving you a lot of trust by offering this after just having met. This is my family and we work hard to run this farm. I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t think you would fit in with us. But you need to respect our hospitality.”

“Oh I do! I mean I wouldn’t – Uh I mean… Thank you,” Jisung’s stumble over his words didn’t seem to faze Chan, “I’d like… I’d like to stay. I’ve never worked on a farm before but I’m sure I could learn quick.”

“I’m sure you could. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

...


	2. I Haven't Met You Yet

Chan walks Jisung around the first floor, there isn’t much that he hadn’t already seen.

The others all scampered off when Jisung was rinsing his plate, there’s a palpable difference in the air when they’re not all talking over each other. Chan on his own is quiet, comfortable, Jisung thinks he should be scared by how much he already trusts him.

When Chan leads him upstairs he explains that the only real rule in the house is to always knock.

“But my door is always unlocked if you need me. Not that I’m in my room much…” Chan gestures to the first door at the top of the stairs.

He says something about not loitering around Changbin and Felix’s door across the hall, but lets Jisung peek past the one open door into Younghyun and Seungmin’s room. Which is much more interesting because Jisung is nosy and the wall over one of the beds is completely plastered with photos.

“Cool” Jisung says in awe, gripping the doorframe tightly so he can stretch forward for a better view.

“I’m sure Seungmin would love to show you his little gallery sometime. Younghyun’s surely sick of hearing about it.” Chan leads him out and to the next door, the biggest bathroom Jisung has ever seen, before reaching his new room.

“You’re lucky we have a spare bed. I sent Hyunjin and Jeongin up earlier to make room for you.” Chan says when they arrive at the fourth door in the hallway. It’s also open, and Jisung can see a single bed on the far wall and a bunkbed by the window. Jeongin is throwing things from the bottom bunk up to the top. The tall guy with the mullet, Hyunjin, is begrudgingly folding a pile of clothes on the single bed.

“Here’s where you’ll sleep,” Chan pats the post at the end of the now-empty bottom bunk, “Hyunjin has cleared out some space in the dresser for you. Right Hyunjin?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Hyunjin replies from across the room. His hair matches the band members on the posters that cover the wall over his bed.

Jisung slowly sets his backpack down on the bare mattress. Jeongin is looking at him from a pile of toys on the top bunk.

“And did you get the sheets from the closet?” Chan asks Hyunjin, who grumbles and tosses them to Jisung. He somehow manages to catch them (It was a strong throw) and not look like an idiot.

“Actually do you mind putting them on the bed for him? I was going to show Jisung around the outbuildings before they need me in the barn.”

Hyunjin gives Jisung a glare over his shoulder. He’s got thick eyebrows that make his eyes very intense. He flicks his hair out of his face with a huff and turns around. Jisung has met guys like this before, pretty boys who think everyone should drop everything and bow to them. Hyunjin stalks forward and grabs the sheets back, towering over Jisung. Jisung starts to prickle at his attitude. He doesn’t like the way Hyunjin looks down on him.

“What’s your problem man?” he can’t help but clench his fists.

“Me? Problem? I don’t have a problem? What’s your problem kid?”

“Hey!” Chan interferes when Hyunjin takes a step closer to Jisung. Hyunjin is tall but Jisung is not intimidated at all by him. He is on full defense now.

Chan pulls Jisung out of the room.

“Jisung, the back staircase is that way at the end of the hall. It’ll take you to the kitchen. I’ll be down in a minute. Sorry about Hyunjin I don’t know why he’s acting like this to you.”

Chan goes back into the room.

Jisung feels naked without his backpack, and hopes his new roommates won’t go through his stuff. Jisung expected not to be liked, he’d been waiting for someone to come out and show it already. He’s still surprised by how nice Chan’s being. Its unprecedented in his history of interactions with "Hyunjins" and teachers and his Mom’s boyfriends. But its not fair. He didn’t do anything to Hyunjin, they didn’t even speak at breakfast.

Jisung shakes his head and moves on.

Past the bathroom there’s an open doorway into a back stairwell, just as Chan said. There’s one narrow window lighting up the landings, under the steep slope of the rafter. The ladder to the attic is hanging down on one side, which is extremely creepy. A couple steps down there’s another landing where the stairs turn, and another closed door.

Jisung meets Minho for the first time in that dimly lit back staircase.

It was easy enough to find the narrow back hall and take the first tight turn down the creaky stairs. But he jumps when he rounds the corner and someone is jogging up towards him. It’s another new face, wide eyes meet Jisung’s and they both stop.

“Oh.” The man rocks back on his heel, so they’re no longer right up in each other’s face.

“Hi.”

“Hi, who are you?”

“Han Jisung.” He squeaks out, suddenly shy, intimidated although he literally has the higher ground.

“Han Jisung? I’m Lee Minho. Sorry to be rude but I need to get past you.”

“oh, oh sorry” Jisung hops to the side, pressing his back into the wall. When Minho reaches the step Jisung’s standing on he turns to slip by him, not much space left between their chests. Minho gives a half smile as he slides by, Jisung looks up at him from under his bangs.

His feels that this man looks familiar, not like he had met him before, but that he looked like the type of guy Jisung’s mom would fawn over on TV. Like that one heartthrob actor in that detective drama, the one he always saw on magazine covers. Or that baseball player his mother had somehow gotten obsessed with. She started watching baseball just for him (She even took Jisung to a game once, not because he asked but because _she_ had had a reason to want to go. He remembers being a bit annoyed with that when he was a kid, but now that he looks back on it those were probably some of the better times with her.)

He can’t help but observe Minho hop up the last couple of stairs and slip through the door in the landing.

Minho is handsome, and not the way Hyunjin is where it makes him automatically more of an asshole, like those guys in high school. No this guy is the guy next door in the romantic comedy movie, the one that carries the girl home in the rain.

It’s silly that Jisung’s train of thought takes off with one look at this guy. But he’s already been overwhelmed with a number of new faces, and he’s damn curious about every one of them. He’s been curious about Minho since the first mention of him this morning. And he wasn’t disappointed...

Actually he supposes they could have met before. It’s a common name, Lee Minho, he’s sure he had a couple Minhos in his grade at school. Not that _this_ Lee Minho was young enough to have gone to school with him. No he was obviously much older, closer to Chan’s age.

While he tries to remember if his one-week badminton partner in the 6th grade was a Minho Lee or a Minho Lim, Jisung descends the stairs and follows the daylight out of the stairwell and back into the kitchen.

Seungmin is hovering outside the back window with a watering can, he sends Jisung a smile when he realizes he’s being watched, then walks out of view. Jisung’s glad not everyone is as pissy as Hyunjin.

“Sorry kid, let’s go outside, there’s a lot of land to cover.” Chan hurries into the room and has the kitchen door open before Jisung can open his mouth to ask about Hyunjin.

He trails behind Chan like a little puppy while the man paces around the outbuildings.

At the side of the house is a vegetable garden, where Seungmin and his watering can are busy. Younghyun pops out of the shed with an armful of gardening tools. He has them loaded on a tractor and is zipping out into the distant fields as Chan lists off the types of produce they grow and sell.

The next closest building is near the other side of the house; Chan heaves up the big garage door like it weighs nothing.

“If you’re ever looking for Minho, most likely you’ll find him here… eventually,” Chan laughs like there’s an inside joke there somewhere, “His workbench is over there, try not to disturb whatever machine he’s taken apart there. Toolboxes are labeled pretty well if someone asks you to get something for them.”

He briefly names the big machines parked inside (all of which Jisung will forget and just call them tractors), before he lets the garage door rattle back down.

As they closer to the big barn out back Jisung starts to see the fences, and what’s behind them.

“Pigs?” Jisung asks, already jogging ahead to get a closer look.

“Yeah that’s Rabbit” Chan joins him at the pen, both leaning against the low fencing.

“Rabbit?” Jisung turns to him with a puzzled look.

“Yeah, my brother named her when he was younger. Our Dad used to take in sick animals from other farms.” He reaches out to pet the giant pig like it’s a puppy, “Felix always got too attached to those animals, that’s why ones like Rabbit are still around.”

“Felix is your brother?” Jisung asks, “is he the only one?”

Chan pushes himself off the fence and motions for Jisung to follow him around to the front of the barn.

“Yeah he’s my little brother. I’m not related to any of the other guys if that’s what you mean. I was friends with Changbin before— ”

Chan cuts himself off when they enter the barn. Jisung looks up and is impressed with the number of cows. Changbin is busy working on something on the other side of the long centre aisle.

Chan starts up again before Jisung can question his pause.

“Well the others I’ve hired to work on the farm. The younger guys, like Seungmin, are like you; needed some where to stay. I guess you could say I’m sort of ‘fostering’ Jeongin and his brother.”

Chan leads him through the barn and milk house, pretty much putting Jisung straight to work without warning. Even if it’s just hauling buckets and peering over Changbin’s shoulder while he set up the milking machines. He got quite an unsolicited lecture on the importance of cleaning everything. Which (and he should have expected this) followed with a mop and a rag being handed to him.

Surprisingly the day passed quickly while working and listening to Chan explain things about the farm and its inhabitants. Lunch is a very welcome break. Jisung didn’t have a huge appetite, but working for a couple hours had already unhinged his metabolism. Jisung was glad it was a less social affair than breakfast had been, only eating with Chan and Changbin. And Felix who had made them their lunch. He likes them, he really does, and they were being extremely nice to him.

By dinner time he was starving again and very much ready to call it a day.

Instead of the kitchen table, Jisung was directed to the dining room after washing up. It was a big old table; Chan had already taken his unsurprising seat at the head. Jeongin was sitting at the opposite end, and looked up when Jisung came in.

“Mr. Jisung! You can sit over here!” (At least he seemed to understand that Jisung was an adult) The kid pats the spot on his right. It’s obviously a mismatched chair that’s been added to the table. Jisung was relieved to not have to pick a seat himself but when he realizes he’ll have to sit across from Hyunjin his smile falls. He does his best to avoid eye contact with the other guy as he sits down across from him.

“Hope you’re hungry Jisung,” Chan calls from the other end of the table, “Minho makes the best meals.”

As he says this Minho and Younghyun come through the doorway each carrying a big pot.

“Get your hands out of the way kids.” Younghyun nags, setting the hot dish down in front of them.

The others have filed in now too. Seungmin takes the seat beside Jisung. He likes Seungmin, even if he hasn’t really talked to him. Jisung soon realizes that its precisely because Seungmin isn’t talkative that his presence seems relaxing compared to the others. Chatter blankets the table almost immediately after everyone is seated, even when they start eating. Jisung is a bit more prepared for the overwhelming noise than he had been at breakfast.

The only other person not making much noise is Minho, Jisung notices when his eyes are drawn to him. He’s across from them. When Jisung snaps out of his thoughts and tears his gaze away he catches the frown from Hyunjin, sitting right beside Minho. Jisung looks down at his plate, Hyunjin goes back to talking with Jeongin. Although it sounds like the kid is on a rant about something and so doing most of the talking.

“How is it, Han Jisung?”

Jisung has scraped his plate clean in a manner of minutes when Minho’s voice comes from across the table. Apparently his awkward use of his full name earlier is going to stick.

“Really good, thanks… uh Lee Minho.” Jisung sets his plate down, a bit embarrassed at almost being caught licking it clean.

Minho takes his plate and loads up more food for him. Jisung takes it back with a quiet thanks.

“Jisung, you’re from the big city, aren’t you?” Younghyun leans back in his chair to peer around Seungmin.

“uh yeah.”

“It’s easy to tell the city-boys” Changbin muses over his glass of water. Some of the other men laugh.

“How’d you end up around here?” Younghyun continues.

“I uh…” Jisung moves his food around his plate with his fork, not feeling hungry anymore now that all the attention was on him, “I just hitchhiked. If I got tired of waiting I walked to a different road. Didn’t care where I went really.”

“Yeah but why’d you leave the city in the first place?” Younghyun prods.

He tries to find a way to tell some of the truth without revealing it all.

“I was… still living with my mother. I needed to get away and just change everything y’know?”

“I get that.” Changbin said quietly.

Jisung looked up and saw that almost all of the others were nodding their heads in agreement.

...


	3. Getting Along

That night everyone handed down clothing for Jisung, each person throwing something on the growing pile on his bed. Most of it was old clothes of Felix’s that they had luckily saved. Jisung felt a little guilty when Chan told him he had been saving them for Jeongin. But the clothes Felix had outgrown fit well when he tried them on. Whereas the clothes Changbin dropped off were a bit wide, and those from Younghyun and Seungmin were a bit long.

It was late in the evening, when Jisung was putting everything away in the drawer Hyunjin had cleared for him in the dresser, that Minho knocked on their open door.

“Hey you still taking donations?” he held up a bundle of fabric.

“I’m not a charity but sure.” Jisung closed the drawer and crossed the room to meet Minho in the doorway.

“I’ve got some unworn socks and a couple of shirts.” Jisung held out his hands to accept the clothes and look them over.

There was a long sleeve shirt that looked like it had never been worn and a dark t-shirt that was the softest thing he had ever felt.

“Thanks.” Minho stacked the clothes in Jisung’s arms. The socks threatened to fall off the pile and they both ducked to catch them. When they looked up, their faces were a lot closer than Jisung remembered. He made to jump back but got caught up when he noticed how bright Minho’s eyes looked, a lighter brown he hadn’t noticed before.

Before he could do something stupid, like tell Minho his eyes were pretty, Chan came up behind Minho, knocking him into Jisung.

“Hey you’re in luck! I found some unworn underwear…”

Jisung flushed at both Minho’s hand now on his arm and the tighty-whiteys Chan was waving around.

“I’m going to bed,” Minho dodged Chan’s hand full of briefs and slipped past him, “’night Han Jisung.” He called before disappearing from view.

“Thanks Chan.” Jisung accepted the underwear, he really needed some. (Changbin had lent him a couple pairs, but he would soon learn they were just big enough to annoyingly slip down his hips every five minutes.)

“I’ll take you into town in a couple of days, they sell some workwear and stuff at the general store. In the meantime, here…” Chan pulled out a toothbrush and bar of soap.

“I’ll go get you a towel too. You might have to shower last tonight; everyone kinda follows a schedule.”

Jisung nods, but thinks it feels kind of weird to be handed things like this. It reminds him of a movie he watched about prisons.

Chan tucks Jeongin into bed before he leaves; both him and Hyunjin taking turns balancing on the ladder to reach the top bunk.

“Its hard to tuck you in now that you’re up here,” Chan teases, “I guess you’re too big for it now anyway… Maybe I’ll just start waving from the door.”

“Hey!” comes Jeongin’s muffled voice from where he’s nestled into the top bunk.

“Yeah you’re probably too old for goodnight kisses too.” Hyunjin joins in, climbing on the frame of the bottom bunk.

“Hyunjin!” Jeongin whines.

“I’m kidding baby bro.” Hyunjin straightens Jeongin’s blankets and pulls himself up to plant a kiss on the kid’s forehead.

“I’m kidding too kid.” Chan doesn’t kiss him, but he gently pats the blanket over his chest.

Jisung watches them awkwardly. He always wanted a brother.

Hyunjin ignores him the rest of the night, which is fine with Jisung. Although it is a bit annoying when he realizes Hyunjin was the last to use the bathroom and didn’t tell Jisung he could wash up now.

When Jisung returns from his shower, Hyunjin is snoring softly on the other side of the room.

He slips into his own bed, the sheets are soft and well-worn but have a pleasant laundry smell. He traces the little faded yellow flowers that pattern the fabric, they’re kind of girly, but he kind of likes them anyway.

Jisung finds he can’t sleep. He tosses and turns until an hour before Chan tiptoes into the room and shakes his shoulder.

“Time to get up.”

(His eyes are watery with exhaustion when he gets to the kitchen table. He gladly accepts the coffee Changbin offers him. Denies letting Felix have a sip when he asks. And pours way too much syrup on his waffles hoping the sugar will energize him. It’s the first time he’s seen two boxes of Eggos get demolished in under 10 minutes.)

Jisung was getting along well with the others. He actually liked his first full day working with Chan and Changbin. They were good teachers but not overbearing. And though the work was new to him, and strenuous, it wasn’t too difficult. (And the next time he has to go into the field with the cows he won’t get scared and run away when they come close again.)

He spends the next day tending to crops with Seungmin and Younghyun, it was surprisingly calming work, but it started to get tiring as the day wore on. Especially when Jisung straightened up for the first time in hours and his back was tight, pain shooting up his spine.

He quickly learns that Seungmin is one of the hardest working people he has ever met. When Jisung collapses in the grass, exhausted by the full day of gardening; Seungmin is still plodding along without one complaint.

Younghyun spends most of the day out in the crop fields. He tells Jisung about the group’s sort of rotating schedule of who does what, and that he and Minho are usually the only ones who ride the big machines because they have the most experience.

“I used to work on another farm out East.” Younghyun tells him, “I happened to move here just as Chan was looking to hire a new farmhand. Worked out pretty well.”

Jisung prefers talking to everyone one on one, still weirded out when the big crowd of them is all in one room. Especially when they’re all curious about him. Felix is the most persistent in getting to know him and trying to make him feel comfortable.

Much to Hyunjin’s distain, Jeongin has taken a liking to Jisung. Jisung doesn’t mind, Jeongin is actually a pretty nice kid. Definitely less of a brat than his older brother. Jeongin just thinks he’s interesting just because he’s new. Its obvious Jeongin idolizes his older brother, but he’s been treating Jisung like his favourite lately.

Although its obvious in the house that everyone’s favourite is Jeongin. Everyone seems to like teasing him, he only really seems to tolerate it when Felix or Chan do it. The older men like to lift the kid up and carry him around sometimes, he’s seen all four of them do it in the short time he’s been there. Even quiet Seungmin likes messing with Jeongin.

Jisung’s just glad that he’s slowly becoming less nervous around each of them. Well…

It was Chan’s idea to have Jisung spend his first week trying out all the different jobs that had to be done on the farm. Hopefully to find something he was good at.

This morning he was supposed to be working with Minho.

There was a cat on the farm. The first time he’d seen it he thought he was just sleep deprived and imagining the shadow run down the back staircase. But then he spotted it after a more restful night, sitting right in a sunny patch on the kitchen floor. (And really he should have noticed the cat door flap on the bottom of the kitchen door.)

Jisung had been trying to chase it down for a couple days, but it seemed to actively avoid people. It was a silly way to amuse himself, in the brief periods he wasn’t working or eating.

This morning the cat is sitting near the back door. This seems to be the only place he sees her in the house, always somewhere near the back stairs or out near the garage. He tries to approach her, expecting her to head out the cat door, but she runs towards the back stairs instead. He follows her. She has waited on the bottom steps to see if he’s still pursuing her, but paws up the stairs as soon as he rounds the corner.

He’s trying to walk softly, rendering him quite slow, and he just catches sight of her tail slipping through the door on the landing.

Minho’s door.

Jisung stops on the stairs, impressed by the cat’s bravery, he wouldn’t choose that as a safe spot to hide.

Then the door opens, and Minho steps out cradling the fluffy grey cat in his arms.

He’s… whispering to her?

He stops when he spots Jisung and they spend an awkward beat of silence staring at each other.

Then finally the side of Minho’s mouth quirks up and he breaks the silence.

“Were you chasing her?”

“Maybe.” Jisung rubs the back of his neck, looking down at his feet.

Minho laughs, its bright and loud in the quiet house.

“She doesn’t really like people.”

“She seems to like you.”

“I’m irresistible” Minho scoffs.

And Jisung can’t help but snort in reply.

“You’re supposed to shadow me today aren’t you.” Minho asks, stepping down. Jisung gets a mouthful of cat hair as he passes.

“Yeah.”

“Ever fixed a tractor?”

“Do I look like someone who’s fixed a tractor?” Jisung huffs “Wait don’t answer that.”

Minho just laughs at him and leads him outside.

“Before I came here I was just a mechanic, I’d only worked on cars and the occasional radio or whatever. I don’t think back then I’d like to look like someone who fixes tractors either.”

In the smaller barn colloquially referred to as the “garage”, Minho lets the cat go and she scampers off.

“Get to work Dori.” Minho calls after her.

“work?” Jisung snickers.

“catching mice.”

“Oh, gross.”

Jisung follows Minho over to the workbench along the wall. Shelves of tools and chicken-scratch labelled jars of nails line the wall.

“Did you take shop in high school?” Minho asks.

“Uh no…”

“We might have a problem then.” Minho crosses his arms over his chest and scratches his chin.

Its not really a problem. Minho just has Jisung stand beside him while he works on the tractor. Jisung mostly passes him tools and listens to Minho explain what he’s doing. Like Chan and Changbin, Minho is a patient teacher. And he eventually has Jisung actually do some things.

The main problem is that Jisung is Jisung, therefore problems will always follow him.

“Oops”

“If you just spilled that bottle of oil I will kill you.”

Luckily Minho doesn’t kill him. He even helps him clean up. 

Everything else he does doesn’t go great but there’s no more spills. And Minho gets the tractor’s engine roaring soon enough.

“Well kid, I don’t think you’re mechanic protégé material but you’re not a total trainwreck”

In the afternoon they head to the barn, where the others are working, to clean the machines. When it’s the four of them it feels a little different from being alone with Minho in the barn.

Its not that Jisung feels uncomfortable around Minho, he’s been really nice, he just feels a little strange around him, embarrassed maybe? And not just from the oil incident. He feels like…like a deer on a country road; awkwardly clomping along on the asphalt until a pair of headlights fill his vision. He felt intimidated every time they talked, not in a bad way, just that's what Minho was like.

Not that they’d talked very much. Unlike Felix, who seemed to be trying to become Jisung’s new best friend. Or Chan, who was so easy going and sociable that Jisung couldn’t help but break out of his shell a bit around him.

No, Minho was elusive and ephemeral. Jisung won’t see him for hours and then suddenly turn and almost walk right into him. And the short words they shared always came with Minho’s casual aura. He talks to you like he’s known you all your life but you actually don’t know much about him in return.

The next morning Chan takes Jisung into town. It’s just the two of them who get in the truck and drive down the quiet highway. It’s almost a half-hour drive, which is a bit of a culture shock for Jisung.

Well not as much as when they reach town, and the tallest building is only three stories.

Its definitely not the big city.

But there’s a big gas station with a tall glowing sign, an old diner, and a little row of stores. So its not absolutely prehistoric.

They step out of the truck (or jump down in Jisung’s case) when they park in front of the biggest shop on the block.

Chan warmly greets the employee inside when they enter, and falls into conversation with her while Jisung pokes around.

“Near the back, Jisung!” Chan calls out when he notices him shuffling around. The woman laughs at him.

Jisung just shoots him a thumbs up and slips down an aisle of both baking supplies and woodworking materials.

There is in fact a little clothing section. Its mostly jeans and plaid shirts, but luckily there’s also packaged underwear and t-shirts. There’s an unfortunate number of large sizes and Jisung has to rifle through for the smallest ones. (No, he does not need a children’s section.)

Chan joins him soon and tells him the woman at the front said he could change in their bathroom.

When he comes back out, happy to have found jeans that stay on his waist, he spots a table of shirts that look like they’re 10 years out of fashion. They’re all still packaged, with pictures of Men modelling them on the plastic, “deadstock” reads the sign beside them. They’re all brightly patterned with big collars. Jisung thinks they’re great. His Mother’s boyfriend would have called them “fruity” and “girly”.

“Anything else?” Chan asks, making Jisung jump.

“No, this should be good.” He says, dropping the shirt back onto the table and heading towards the front of the store.

Chan follows behind him, but catches up at the register and starts pulling out money.

“You’re paying for me?” Jisung asks, clutching his precious backpack that he’d been glad to have an excuse to carry around again.

“Of course, consider it an advance on your first paycheck.”

Chan explains to him on the ride home that he doesn’t actually hand out paychecks, but whatever extra earning come from the farm go into the house fund, so as long as he does work he can ask for Chan to buy him anything.

Jisung doesn’t really mind, he trusts Chan not to screw him over, and he’s still getting free room and board. He thinks he’ll save his personal stash for when he leaves.

If he leaves.

...


	4. Fight

Jisung is secretly happy and relieved that Felix asked him to watch TV with them. He’s been trying not to intrude the past couple of evenings, opting instead to awkwardly sit in his room (Some of the only chances he got to be in there when Hyunjin wasn’t) with a book he’d grabbed off the shelf in the living room.

But he grew up glued to the TV, and so is thankful that Felix saved him from his own stupidity.

He doesn’t even care what they watch. Sure he missed last week’s episode of his favourite show, but he’s just glad to have cable and a sofa again.

He sits down at the end of the couch, making sure there’s enough room beside him for Felix, who is crouched in front of the TV to change the channel. He also picks that spot because Hyunjin is at the opposite end, hanging over the arm rest with one leg thrown over Seungmin’s lap. Jeongin has made a fort out of the couch under the window. It’s easy to forget he’s there except for the occasional giggle and the plastic clicks of his action figures.

“What are you watching?” Minho comes in from the hall. Jisung doesn’t turn around but feels that he’s standing right behind him.

“Music program.” Felix grunts, he doesn’t look like he’s moving away from the TV anytime soon. He looks alarmingly hypnotized by the food commercial playing on the screen.

“And the space show later!” Jeongin yells from under his blanket tent.

“of course, ‘the space show’.” Minho chuckles and perches himself on the arm of the sofa beside Jisung.

Jisung feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

“Are you joining us Minho? You never watch TV with us.” Hyunjin asks.

“That’s ‘cause you watch shit like this.” Minho points to the bright coloured music video now on the screen. But he stays sitting beside Jisung.

“Or is it ‘cause you have a stack of skin mags and a room to yourself?” Hyunjin snickers.

“Oh shut up Hyunjin, like we don’t all hear your high pitched moans when you’re in the shower.” Minho snapped back.

Hyunjin was sputtering in embarrassment. Jisung was enjoying seeing someone fight back against him. Even Felix tuned back into the reality long enough to turn around and snort at Hyunjin’s embarrassment.

Hyunjin’s been doing lots of little things to purposely get on Jisung’s nerves lately. Pretending Jisung’s invisible and bumping into him as he walks by seems to be one of Hyunjin’s favourite pastimes. Jisung’s not helping anything really, biting back when Hyunjin makes a shitty comment about him. He’s glad for Minho redirecting Hyunjin’s argumentative nature right now.

“Felix you’re too close to the screen.” Seungmin warns, ignoring the bickering still happening on either side of him.

Felix reluctantly peels himself away from the screen and settles down beside Jisung. Jisung gets too distracted by the fact that Felix curls into his side to notice that Minho has left.

But Hyunjin doesn’t bother him that night.

Hyunjin is snoring, loud and obnoxious, taunting Jisung even from his dreams. It was irritating that Hyunjin was sleeping like a baby while Jisung was stuck awake.

After a couple days of living on the farm, Jisung was unwillingly accepting his inability to fall asleep every other night. He was exhausted, working on the farm really was the most labour he had ever done, even if Chan still wasn’t making him do as many chores as the others.

Not to mention the early mornings, still not as early as some of the older men, but earlier than Jisung had ever woken up for school.

He had had trouble falling asleep before in the summer, when it was hot and he was sleeping in all morning, but this was unusual and getting really annoying.

After the first full day of work Jisung had crashed pretty hard, but it seemed the more he got used to the routine, the more regular his insomnia got. Sometimes he could fall asleep quite quickly, only to wake up in the middle of the night. Other times he couldn’t get his mind to slow down enough to let him fall asleep, and would eventually succumb to exhaustion in the early hours of morning, getting only an hour or two of rest before he had to get up.

Last night he had enjoyed a decent sleep, making up for previous night’s time awake. But Jisung had a feeling he was going to be back to staring at the wall tonight.

He was getting used to the creaks and other sounds that the old farmhouse made during the night. But tonight there was a new sound.

Jisung tensed automatically, and held his breath while he listened carefully. There was definitely someone slowly walking around. He heard a squeak, one of the stairs maybe? And after a while the unmistakable sound of the back door. Someone was trying very hard to make as little noise as possible as they snuck out of the house.

Jisung waited, breathing back to normal, as he justified that it had to be one of his housemates leaving.

Then there was a noise behind him, and Jisung shifted his stare from the door to the window. He slipped off the bed and peeked out into the night. It was always a strange mix of deep black void and bright moonlight around here, not like the light pollution of the city.

The noise must have been a car door because the next sound was a car engine, alongside two bright circles of light in the shadows.

Jisung watched the red eyes of the truck getting further and further away until they disappeared into the dark.

Who was sneaking out in the middle of the night? Maybe someone was going to visit their girlfriend or something. Jisung craned his head to try to read the clock on Hyunjin’s side of the room. It was just after one.

He yawned, and recognised that it was probably going to be a while until they came back. He slid back into bed and felt his eyes go heavy.

Hyunjin didn’t want Jisung there.

Whether it was just that he was mad about having to share a room with him, or he wanted Jisung all the way out of the house, Jisung seemed to be getting on his nerves. And so Jisung was aggravated by Hyunjin’s hostility.

At first it was glares and cold moods. Most of the time Hyunjin just ignored Jisung, like he wasn’t even there. Then it was Hyunjin’s snarky comments under his breath. Then it was Jisung’s passive aggressive retorts back. Then it was aggressive bickering when they were stuck together.

“You stepped on my stuff”

“You shouldn’t have your stuff all over the floor”

It was amazing that they had developed this relationship in only 2 weeks, but as it got worse it became increasingly stressful for the other guys in the house. During most chores Jisung was fine, he got along great with the other guys, but if he was put in the same place with Hyunjin, their petty conflict would get in the way.

It got to be that if they couldn’t avoid each other (except for meal times when they mostly didn’t fight with the others so close), they’d be falling into an argument. It usually ended with them storming off to be as far as possible from each other, which was sometimes difficult when they shared a room.

Hyunjin didn’t have to do as much work as the rest of them, since his main duty was to entertain Jeongin while school was out for the summer, yet he was still frustratingly stronger than Jisung. And taller, which was making Jisung crazy. He was always using his height to his advantage during their spats and Jisung had never been more annoyed with his short stature.

It didn’t help that everyone else seemed to adore Hyunjin. Despite his attempted intimidation of Jisung, he was a big baby with all the older guys, and best friends with Felix and Seungmin.

(Jisung wouldn’t be surprised if one day he’d see Hyunjin hugging Chan while sticking his tongue out at Jisung behind his back.)

Jisung won’t remember what triggered it, but the combination of sleep deprivation and constant anxiety over their tension finally made Jisung snap at Hyunjin.

Whatever had started it quickly became irrelevant as the argument turned into an explosion of all their animosity towards each other.

“Get out of my way.” Hyunjin hissed, standing tall in the middle of the kitchen.

“What is your fucking problem with me?” Jisung threw down the rag he’d been holding.

They kept raising their voices until it drew the others into the room to see what was going on.

Their argument probably wasn’t making any sense; they were just screaming insults at each other. All the little passive aggressions from the past couple of days turned into direct verbal assaults. Younghyun quickly pulled Jeongin back out of the room. Seungmin, who had come in with Felix, clapped his hands over his ears when the argument got louder, and ran from the room. Felix ran after him.

“Stay away from me and my brother.”

“You’re just mad because he likes me more than you.” If Hyunjin’s eyes could have flashed red they would have.

“Shut the fuck up. No one cares about you, you weak little brat. Why don’t you leave us alone and go running back to your ‘mommy’!” Hyunjin yelled.

Jisung lunged at him.

Felix must have come back because he let out a deep shout from behind him when the two charged at each other.

Before he could finish the swing of his fist, Jisung was being dragged back by strong arms.

“Enough!” Chan yelled, pulling Jisung back against his chest, despite the smaller man’s resistance.

Changbin was holding back an equally enraged Hyunjin. He was having a hard time because of Hyunjin’s long flailing limbs, while Chan struggled against Jisung’s attempts to squirm out of the cage of his grip.

“Stop it. Both of You.” Chan’s words finally broke through Jisung’s haze of rage and he stopped squirming. He was breathless, and embarrassed, but still felt sick with anger.

Chan loosened his grip and moved to stand between Jisung and Hyunjin. Someone else grabbed Jisung’s shoulder, like they didn’t trust him to not lunge forward again.

“Hyunjin are you okay?” Chan asked, placing his hands on Hyunjin’s arms, now crossed over his chest without Changbin restraining him.

Hyunjin just huffed and turned his head away. His face was still red from yelling.

“Can you go to your room? I’m going to have a word with Jisung and then come up and talk to you.” Hyunjin didn’t reply, just pushed past all of them and walked out of the kitchen.

“Everyone out.” Chan ordered. Changbin tugged a worried looking Felix out the back door. The hand on Jisung’s shoulder released, then gave him a little pat on his arm. Jisung turned his head and saw it was Minho, already with his back to him and heading to the back staircase.

He had really fucked up now hadn’t he.

“Jisung,” Chan’s voice was gentle again, back to normal after the harsh tone he’s just used. Jisung was still scared nonetheless.

“Please don’t kick me out.” Jisung whispered

“What?” Chan placed his hands on Jisung’s shoulders. Jisung tried to step back.

“Please don’t kick me out. I’m sorry. I didn’t really want to hit him, I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I don’t have anywhere else to go Chan.” Jisung’s breaths were coming out hoarse, panic building in his chest as the consequences of his actions finally settled into his head. He continued to beg and apologize, voice cracking and gasping for air.

“Calm down, calm down Jisung.” Chan pulled him into a hug. It was probably awkward for him, with Jisung nearly hyperventilating into his chest and shaking in his arms.

But he held him until Jisung finally calmed down.

“Don’t kick me out.” Jisung breathed into the fabric of Chan’s shirt.

“Jisung…I don’t want to kick you out.”

“really?” He pulled away to look Chan in the eyes.

“Really, but you two need to stop fighting. I can’t have you here if it’s gonna be like this. This went way too far.” Chan took a step away from Jisung.

“We don’t fight here. I don’t want to see anyone lay a hand on anyone else. If you’ve got a problem fucking talk about it. I don’t care if you’ve solved every other problem in your life by fighting. The two of you need to put away your little macho egos and just talk.” Chan was gritting his teeth.

“I’m gonna go see Hyunjin now. I don’t expect you two to talk it out tonight. Just go to bed. But in the morning we’re going to sit down all together and discuss this. Everyone. It’s not just about you two, we all don’t want to deal with this. And if we can’t figure something out…” Chan sighed, “I don’t _want_ to kick you out. But if the two of you can’t work together…”

Jisung nodded, even more embarrassed than before. Chan just let out another heavy sigh, pat Jisung’s arm and headed upstairs.

He waited alone on the front porch until the lights turned off on the main floor, then he went straight to bed. Hyunjin was lying down with his back to him. Jeongin was fast asleep.

Jisung had finally fought back and now he wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing.

There was no way Hyunjin was going to forgive him for trying to punch him. Jisung didn’t even know if he was really sorry for Hyunjin or just for himself. He only felt bad because he selfishly wanted to stay. He never wanted to fight with Hyunjin.

He just wanted to stand up for himself for once.

He went through all of school trying to ignore the bullies. They only tried harder.

He tried to stay out of his step-father’s way. He only complained louder.

No one ever gave him the chance to talk.

He wasn’t looking forward to whatever would happen in the morning.

He couldn’t sleep, again. He was even more exhausted than usual, after the fight and the scolding from Chan. He was so tired. Maybe he didn’t want to be here anymore. But he had nowhere else to go. If he went back… god if he went back there…

He’s spiraling down a black hole of thoughts. Of home, of regrets, of how much he fucking hates himself—

“Jisung?”

He froze, almost choking on the sob he bit back, and whips around to Hyunjin, who has sat up and is reaching for the lamp beside his bed. He flicks it on, and even though it’s a dim night-light, Jisung knows Hyunjin can clearly see his face now from the other side of the room.

“Turn it off.”

Hyunjin does.

“Hey man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry…” Hyunjin’s voice is timid.

“I’m not crying because of you; get over yourself,” Jisung sniffs violently and rubs his eyes. Using a low voice to not wake Jeongin.

“I didn’t mean it like that… I just thought…”

“You’re not my only problem right now Hyunjin. I can’t fucking sleep, my head hurts, Chan may or may not kick me out, and I just remembered I left my signed fucking Day6 cassette tape out and my mom’s probably gonna throw it in the trash.” He hisses and flops back down so Hyunjin won’t see the fresh wave of tears. It was a stupid thing to trigger his emotions, but he’s so fucking exhausted.

“Oh.” Hyunjin’s bed creaks when he shifts away from the edge. For a second it looked like he was about to get up and comfort Jisung, but he just leans back against his headboard.

“I had a signed Day6 poster at home. Seungmin got me this one for my birthday to try to replace it.” Jisung peeks out from under his arms and sees Hyunjin smoothing his hand down one of the smaller posters on the wall beside his bed.

At least he’s got taste.

“I’m still sorry,” Hyunjin whispers, turning back to him. “I’ve been a jerk to you, that probably didn’t help.”

“A jerk? You’ve been a total asshole.” Jisung hisses.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.”

Hyunjin fully sits up in his bed.

“ But I am…. You didn’t deserve it, I was just being—“ Hyunjin sighs.

“Look, Jeongin and I have only been here a year. Everything was so… so good. But when you came I got worried things would change. I don’t want anything to change. Jeongin’s so happy here, I’m happy here. And then you came in and everyone liked you instantly, Chan asked you to move in basically before I’d even met you. It took him a whole week to decide if Jeongin and I could stay!”

Jeongin mumbles something from above Jisung, so Hyunjin lowers his voice again.

“I was being stupid. And I am sorry.”

Jisung turns on his side, Hyunjin looks unusually small sitting slouched on his bed with his head hanging low.

“It’s okay,” Jisung mumbles, “I’m kinda used to it. You just really hit a nerve. My whole life has been big guys picking on me. Do you even know what that’s like? And then my mom fucking kicks me out because—” Jisung snaps his mouth shut

“She kicked you out? But you told us— “

“I lied.”

“why?”

Jisung didn’t answer right away, not sure he was ready to share his deepest secrets with someone he had only just stopped fighting with.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Hyunjin whispers when the pause lasts too long.

“Thanks.” Jisung sighs, relieved.

They both lie back down.

“I want you to know… I do understand okay. Our parents were horrible to us. We ran away. That’s why I’m so scared to lose this. To lose Chan.” It sounds like Hyunjin sniffles a little, but Jisung can’t see his face clearly from here.

It’s quiet for a minute. Both of them pretend they can’t hear each other cry.

“Did you know Jeongin called Chan “Dad” once?” Hyunjin says when the sniffling stops.

“really?” Jisung asks. The tension between them has disappeared.

“I don’t know if he even knows he did. But I know Chan heard it, and I heard it. He was falling asleep on the couch one night and Chan picked him up to carry him to bed.” Hyunjin’s voice is soft and tight at the same time, nostalgia and tears mixing on the words.

“He said ‘Is it bedtime dad?’ it was just so… I’ll never forget the way Chan looked at him, so proud...”

Jisung can picture it clearly in his head, that’s just the way Chan is.

“I wish Chan was his dad… our dad… Jeongin would be so happy.”

There’s a definite strain to Hyunjin’s voice now. How they went from arguing to crying together in the middle of the night is a mystery to Jisung.

They’re both quiet for a while, Jisung is actually starting to get sleepy. Probably from the crying.

“I had no idea you had trouble sleeping” Hyunjin says softly.

“Well that’s cause you’re always snoring” Jisung snickered, getting up on his elbow to face him again. Hyunjin threatens to throw a pillow at him.

“But it’s exhausting,” Hyunjin turned on his side to look at Jisung across the room, “haven’t you gotten used to the hard work and the early mornings yet?”

Annoyingly Hyunjin doesn’t have to do as much work in the morning because his main task is waking Jeongin and taking care of him.

“I have, it’s getting better, just still not enough.” Jisung flopped onto his back and stared up at the stickers Jeongin had placed on the wood slats under the top bunk.

“Minho told me once that he has trouble sleeping,” Hyunjin whispered, catching Jisung’s attention away from a rocket-ship sticker. “Apparently that’s why Chan let him use the room at the back, so he doesn’t disturb anyone.”

Jisung thought of the red taillights in the dark; the truck that would drive off in the middle of the night when Jisung should have been asleep.

“What does he do, to help him sleep?” Jisung asks, eyes heavy.

“I don’t know,” Hyunjin yawns, “You’ll have to ask him.”

"Hey, have you ever noticed Younghyun kind of looks like the bassist of Day6?"

"Oh my god you're right what the fuck?!"

In the morning Jisung can feel the change between himself and Hyunjin.

The conversation in the dark having let each of them in on the other’s feelings.

Chan was right about talking. Jisung had a feeling Chan was right about a lot of things.

Of course everyone is surprised when Jisung and Hyunjin walk down to breakfast together acting like the best of friends.

They tell Chan they’ve already made up on their own. He seems hesitant to believe them.

“We had a talk last night, everything’s good.” Hyunjin tells him.

“Really?”

“Really.” Jisung assures.

“So I don’t have to kick anyone out?”

“No!” Jisung and Hyunjin plead at the same time.

Chan pulls them both in for a hug. Jisung wraps his arms around both of them.

This is home now.

A couple nights later, when Jisung hears the now familiar sounds of someone sneaking around, he sets himself up by the window. It’s still pitch black out there, no streetlights or other houses to light it up. It takes a minute for his eyes to adjust. The moon is half hidden behind a thin cloud, no spotlight will come down on the driveway for him.

It’s hard to tell its even Minho who walks through the shadows to the truck.

But the truck is facing the house and when he gets in, the car’s dome light illuminates his head.

Jisung watches him pull away, but doesn’t go back to bed. Instead he waits patiently on the end of his bed until the truck pulls back up the driveway. He had a hunch about where Minho went, but now he’s disproved it, the trip was barely over an hour. Not enough time to get to civilization and back.

He doesn’t know why he’s so interested. Is it because he seeks solidarity with a fellow insomniac? Or because its Minho? Who is already an enigma.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided at the last minute to break up this chapter and the next, it will come really soon
> 
> Ironically I got my GO生 album today and got Hyunjin and Han photocards.  
> I wanted a Minho one so bad but the universe said nah fam


	5. Night Drive/Hair/Sunshine/Heat

Jisung was feeling the now-familiar burn in his muscles from loading milk crates onto the hand truck. Working on the dairy side of the farm meant a lot of repetitive days; there were always cows to be milked and milk to be stored.

A big semi-truck from the dairy plant came often to pick up their supply. Each time involved a lot of trips between the milkhouse and the driveway, carting the crates.

Chan was always talking about how he was trying not to mechanize their process too much.

“Fuck all those big industrial farms. I don’t want our cows to spend their whole life stuck in this old barn being pulled on! I want them to walk around in the sun and live a little!”

Apparently that also meant he couldn’t extend the driveway so a truck could pull right up and make all their lives (or at least Jisung's) easier.

When the truck driver had finally closed up the now-full trailer and driven off, Jisung used the last of his energy to sprint back to the fields and collapse in the grass.

He was near the edge of the pasture, where little yellow and white flowers grew in patches under the fence and across the green grass.

They had a nice smell that helped cover up the fact that there was a cow only a couple yards away from him.

A breeze passed over him, a blessing with the increasingly hot sun beating down. It was really truly summer now; the weather was only going to get warmer. He tugged his cap down over his eyes to shield them from the sun. It was calm and peaceful out here—

Then there was a loud “MOO” and Jisung’s peace was broken.

Well better that than someone coming to drag him back to work….

And he spoke too soon…

“Woah there big boy.” Someone said (hopefully to the cow.)

Jisung took his baseball cap off his face and looked over towards the sound. It was Changbin, petting their bull over the fence that ran around the paddock. Jisung would never attempt such a thing; he had quickly learned that bulls were temperamental beasts, and this one happened to hate him. In his first week It had chased him through the pasture like he had a red target on his back. He was only a little traumatized. He’d rather clean out the chicken coop, at least the hens weren’t five times his size.

“You’re not here to tell me to get back to work are you?” Jisung groaned, stretching out in the grass. His bed was too small to get a good stretch in, here he could stretch as far as his joints would let him.

“Nah, you’re off the clock. I just got voted to make sure you were still alive.” Changbin plopped down beside him with a grunt.

“Well I feel pain so I guess I am.” Jisung laughed and sat up. He shook the grass from his hair and one of the little yellow flowers fell onto his lap.

“You’re feeling better now? After clearing things up with Hyunjin?” Changbin asked, voice softer than the usual gruff tone he used.

“Yeah, we’re all good now. Great even,” Jisung can’t help but chuckle as he’s reminded of the jokes they’d shared this morning, at Changbin’s expense nonetheless. Now that Hyunjin wasn’t being an asshole to him, they’d actually become good friends. Of course Jisung liked all of them, Changbin too, but he still thought of Changbin as more of a boss (maybe soon he’d start to think of him as an older brother) whereas the younger guys were more like friends.

“Good,” Changbin says, it sounds like there’s more he wants to say but he gets distracted by Jisung spinning the little flower around.

“Those flowers always remind me of childhood.” Changbin stretches over to the fence and plucks one of the white flowers too.

“The camomile also, they remind me of my parent’s farm in the summer.” He holds to flower up to his nose.

“What are these called?” Jisung holds his battered tiny yellow boom up to his own nose and takes a sniff.

“Cowslip… I don’t know if its “cows lip” or “cow slip” but that’s what my mother calls them. I should call her.”

Changbin and Younghyun seem to be the only ones in the house that can still call their parents.

Jisung plucks each little petal off the thin green stem.

“You know…” Changbin clears his throat, “you know you can always tell me if he’s bothering you again, or anyone else. I’m…here for you dude.” Jisung looks up. Changbin’s looking away towards the pasture, purposefully avoiding meeting his eyes.

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Changbin be so open to him. It kind of makes him feel the same way he felt when Chan or Felix hugged him.

“Thanks man, really, but everyone’s fine.”

“Even Minho?”

Jisung had been getting to his feet but stops mid-rise to squint at Changbin.

“Minho? What? Why?”

Changbin gets to his feet too.

“I just… I don’t know I thought I was seeing him give you weird looks and I hadn’t seen the two of you talk much this week… I just thought maybe there was something going on, he’s kind of an… antisocial guy.”

“No, no, there’s nothing _going on_.” Jisung has started walking back towards the house, Changbin catches up and shuffles along beside him. The only complaint he could think of having with Minho right now is that he somehow always disappears whenever the freight truck comes by, only reappearing when the work is done and the driver is gone.

“Good, I just wanted to make sure.” Changbin pats Jisung on the back.

“Wouldn’t put it past him to turn murderous on someone just for being annoying though.” Changbin laughs. Jisung laughs too, then stops mid step.

“Wait, are you calling me annoying?”

Changbin smiles cheekily and walks backwards so Jisung can see it.

“Well… now that you’re not scared of us anymore you’ve gotten pretty loud. Like you only really stop when you’re shoving food in your mouth. Didn’t expect you to talk _soooo_ much.”

Jisung sputters “I do not!,” raises his fist and tries to chase Changbin (even knowing full well that Changbin could snap him like a twig), who just laughs and jogs backwards towards the kitchen door and the safety of Chan cooking at the stove.

…

Jisung is feeling brave. And very restless. So he slips out of bed and closes the door gently behind him so he doesn’t wake Hyunjin or Jeongin.

He hasn’t heard anyone moving around yet tonight, so he pads as quietly as possible down the hallway to the back stairs.

He pauses for a second outside Minho’s door. He thinks he can hear movement inside; the squeak of a floorboard, maybe the slide of a drawer. But he doesn’t knock. Instead he slowly makes his way down the stairs. He hasn’t memorized which ones creak underfoot yet.

The door behind him opens.

“Han?”

Jisung turns around. Minho is standing in his doorway, faint light from inside illuminating Jisung on the stairs.

“Oh you’re not saying my full name anymore?”

Minho scoffs.

“That’s what you focused on? Why are you sneaking around in the middle of the night?”

“I could ask you the same question.” Jisung gestures to Minho’s jeans and boots before crossing his arms.

“Touché.”

He closes his door behind him, taking the extra light with it, leaving only the moonlight coming through the little window at the top of the stairwell.

They both walk down to the kitchen, Minho grabs a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water.

“Here.”

“Oh,” Jisung accepts the glass being held out to him, “Thanks.”

“Can’t sleep?” Minho asks, leaning against the counter.

“Yeah, haven’t been sleeping well” Jisung sips his water.

“I don’t sleep well either, sorry if me puttering around keeps you up.”

“I don’t think it’s that, it’s just me.” Jisung sets the glass the glass on the counter. Minho picks it up and takes a drink.

“Do you wanna go for a ride?”

It’s much different being here on the ground with him. There are sounds he could have never predicted; the crunch of Minho’s boots on the gravel, the jingle of the truck keys and the metal-on-metal scratch before he gets the key in the lock. There’s also the hum of crickets, the of leaves fluttering against each other when a breeze passes through them, and Minho humming under his breath. It’s that song from the TV the other day.

Jisung heaves himself up into the passenger side. His striped pajama pants, a hand-me-down from Felix, look strange tucked into his boots.

“Where are we going?” He asks, Minho sticks his key in the ignition and the old pickup grumbles to life.

“Wherever we want.”

Jisung rolls down his window and enjoys the breeze rushing across his face and through his hair. They drive in silence down the dark country road. There’s no streetlights or neon signs, just moon and fields and trees. He likes how everything loses its colour in the dark, the trees are just shades and sounds, he’s always found it pretty.

After a while Minho slows down and turns off the road. They roll across the grass to the middle of a field, where the moon shines like a spotlight.

Minho stops and turns off the engine.

“You’re not going to murder me are you?” Jisung laughs nervously.

“Nah we’re still on Chan’s property, he’d find you eventually.” Minho’s smile is not reassuring.

The laugh that follows when he sees Jisung’s expression is however.

Minho leans back in the seat, stretching his arms over his head and then pulling them back behind his neck so he can rest against his interlocked fingers.

“Is this what you do? Drive out here and sit in the field?” Jisung asks, eyes fliting over the border of trees around the meadow. His city brain is telling him to roll up the window in case someone comes along, but he’s sure they’re too far from anything for someone to pass by.

“Yeah sometimes. There’s a lookout point not too far away but I’d rather not park beside pairs of teenagers making out in their car.”

Jisung snorts out a laugh.

“Do you ever see anyone else out here?” Jisung’s still thinking about rolling up the window.

“Nah, even the teenage night riders tend to stay on the other side of town.”

They fade to silence for a few minutes. Jisung is glad the window is still down; the breeze is soft against his cheek.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Minho asks, voice low in the quiet of the field. Like he’s trying not to overshadow the sound of the crickets.

“I don’t know,” Jisung shrugs, “guess I’m just too fucked up.”

Minho laughs.

“We’re all fucked up.”

“You don’t seem fucked up Lee Minho. You actually kinda seem like you’ve got your shit together. Well, I guess besides the insomnia thing.”

“Really?” Minho laughed, “You don’t know me.”

Jisung means it. He has felt intimidated by and in awe of Minho since he first met him.

If Minho had any flaws, it was maybe that his voice wasn’t very deep. Jisung held on to that to keep him from being consumed with jealousy. He had always wanted a deeper voice, which is why he thought it was so unfair that Felix sounded like a double bass when otherwise he wasn’t much bigger than Jisung. Otherwise he emanated a masculinity that Jisung had always felt he himself was lacking. Chan and Changbin were enviably muscular, but at least they were short too. There was something about Minho that was so different from anyone else, he seemed to do everything right, he seemed so sure of himself. He was mysterious and untouchable. Jisung wanted to figure him out. Why he was sociable and kind yet didn’t talk much to anyone and never seemed to go into town. Jisung also wondered why he stayed awake at night. If Minho thought he was fucked up, did he have the same sort of thoughts that left Jisung sleepless?

“What happened with Hyunjin?” Minho changes the subject, “I know he can be a brat but he was being kind of harsh. Did you just finally snap?”

Jisung sighs, glad all of that is over now.

“Yeah he wasn’t happy when I showed up. And for me, well he just reminded me off all the other assholes I’ve had to deal with my whole life. Made me feel small… what’s the word?”

“Belittled?”

“Yeah.” Jisung nods, picking at a loose thread on his thigh.

“I was already…insecure. And he made me feel like I’d never belong here. Of course we’re good now, he was actually threatened by me, can you believe that? I’m like half his size.”

“You’re not that small.”

“Sure,” Jisung scoffed, “It’s alright I know I am. Like I haven’t been told a million times that I look like a child.”

“Hey at least you’re the same height as Changbin. And no one thinks he looks like a child.” Minho rakes his hand through his hair, its distracting for a second.

“Yeah but Changbin’s a man.”

“Aren’t you?” Minho laughs, giving a pointed look to Jisung’s flat chest.

“Yeah you pervert! I just mean, like you know… all you guys are buffed up and talk about cars and shit.” Jisung’s voice fades out at the end of his sentence, feeling shy again.

“That’s ‘cause we’ve been working on a farm for years. That shit doesn’t make us men, Han.”

“Yeah but it kinda does.” Jisung put his elbow on the door and rests his cheek on his closed fist. “When I was a kid it was just me and my mom. All I knew was her life. She was constantly complaining about her hair, her looks; women things. It wasn’t until her boyfriend moved in that I was told I couldn’t be like her. He was always telling me I acted too much like a girl, that I only cared about stupid shit. I was never taught how to be a man yet when I got to a certain age everyone expected me to just know. He was always on me about manning up. All that, him and every other asshole is why I’m fucking insecure and fucked up.”

“We’re all insecure and fucked up.” Minho sighs,

“We all ended up here because it was better than whatever else we had before. Did Hyunjin tell you why they’re here? It’s because their parents treated them like shit. Seungmin too, that kid got fucked up real bad by somebody. We’re all a bunch of sad fucks that don’t fit in anywhere else. You’re just like all of us Han, you’re no less of a man for it than any of us.”

Minho’s voice was harsh but his words were kind-hearted.

“Thanks.” Jisung whispers, wide eyed. Minho surprised him with that. It’s the most he’s ever heard him say in one sitting.

They grow quiet again. Jisung rolls up his window.

“Why do you call me by my last name?” He asks, after a while.

“I don’t know, cause you said it when we met. Does it bother you? Make you think of your family?”

“No, it’s my dad’s name not my mom’s,” Jisung slouches back against the seat,

“And I never met the guy, left before I was born or something. So he’s not the one who kicked me out—”

Jisung stops, he didn’t really mean to reveal that, and braces himself for the expected question from Minho. He _just_ went through this with Hyunjin. He predicts correctly.

“Why’d she kick you out?”

Jisung stays silent. He _could_ tell Minho, but he still doesn’t believe that a man like Minho would ever understand him. Even after the conversation they had.

“Sorry.” Minho sighs when the silence between them grows too long and awkward. They share a look, Minho reads him, seems to understand that he’s not going to talk about it.

A pause, then:

“I moved out when I was 16. I don’t think I’ve seen my parents since…. I don’t know, Thanksgiving of ’82?” Minho shifts in his seat and tries to cross his legs, he hits his knee on the steering wheel.

“You’re old.” Jisung chuckles when Minho winces. He’s relaxed now that he knows Minho won’t ask more intrusive questions, and folds his legs up on the space between them.

Minho mirrors him, so they’re facing each other.

“Hey, I am not.”

“You’re like 30.”

“fuck off that’s not old. Have you even finished high school?”

“Of course fucker.” Jisung swats at Minho’s boot.

Minho retaliates by pinching Jisung’s ankle until he calls “mercy!” and they both raise their hands and sit back against the doors.

“ _I_ never finished high school,” Minho says wistfully, “That was just kinda common back then, drop out, move out, get a trade job.”

“I heard there’s places where you can go back and finish.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t think I need a high school history credit to work on a farm.”

“You never know.” Jisung wags his finger, but gets distracted when he lets out a big yawn.

“We should head back,” Minho ends up yawning too.

“We’re planting the fall crops tomorrow and you don’t want to be sleep deprived for that.”

They still talk on the ride back to the farm. Like with everyone else, Jisung is more comfortable with Minho now.

They’re quiet when Minho turns off the engine and they get out of the truck.

Jisung wobbles a little on his feet, now very sleepy.

“I won’t carry you if you keel over kid, get inside.” Minho puts a hand on the small of Jisung’s back and pushes him ahead towards the back of the house.

“You’d leave me in the dirt?”

“Without hesitating.” Minho hisses, but he can’t help smiling. They’re at the back door now, and both go quiet as they slip in and cross the kitchen.

At the landing after the first flight of stairs Minho stops.

“Han?”

“Yeah?”

“If you still have trouble sleeping, I’ll be here.”

…

Hair:

Jisung was sitting at the kitchen table, talking about the state of the farms’ sole pig, Rabbit, with Changbin and Younghyun while they ate lunch. The hog was getting quite old and Changbin was passionately discussing her future. Jisung was doing his best not to laugh at how attached they all were to a pig.

His hair was tickling his neck, and he kept reaching back to scratch at it. He’d been fussing with it all day, every time he pushed it back or flicked it out of his eyes it only seemed to fall back in his way.

When he reached for his drink he felt another hand replace his own on his head.

“Your hair’s getting kinda long,” Jisung looked up at Minho, whose hand was now running through the longer strands of hair.

“Yeah, it’s getting kind of annoying.”

“Do you want it cut?”

Jisung didn’t really care what his hair looked like, he certainly hadn’t paid attention since he got here. But he guesses he did used to go to the barber at the end of his street pretty fairly frequently.

“Hyunjin and Felix won’t let me cut theirs’.” Minho said, not waiting for Jisung to answer.

Hyunjin did have rather long hair. Felix’s hair was long enough that he had to part it on the side and push it from completely covering his eyes. But he’d seen both of them admire themselves in the mirror, and were sure they thought their long hair was a great fashion statement. Especially with the way Hyunjin seemed to worship all those rock bands with the crazy long mullets.

“You’d cut it for me? Seriously?” Jisung had his head tilted back so Minho was almost upside down in his vision, he was now brushing Jisung’s hair back from his face and running his nails down his scalp.

“Minho has a surprisingly steady hand.” Changbin supplied from across the table, ruffling his own short bangs.

Jisung jumped, having forgotten the others were there in the room with them, and knocked Minho’s hand off his head.

Jisung feels slightly twitchy, sitting on the tall stool that Minho had dragged into the centre of the upstairs bathroom.

Minho told him to sit up straight, but Jisung hunches over with his hands gripping the seat of the stool on either side of his hips while Minho wipes down the sink.

He had helped Jisung lean over it to wet his hair, which had resulted in a lot of splashing.

“Just a trim?” Minho looks at him from the corner of his eye, while picking up the scissors and comb he had set out.

“Just a trim.” Jisung confirms. A drip falls from the long wet strands curtaining his face.

“Sit up.” Minho tells him again, coming to stand in front of him.

Jisung straightens his back and stares at the wet patch on Minho’s t-shirt, it further obscures the already faded lettering. He tries to decipher it instead of staring at Minho’s adam’s apple like a freak. Which is where his eyes seemed to want to roam.

“Tilt your head back a bit,” Minho whispers, and Jisung tears his gaze from the way the shirt fits tight over Minho’s chest up to his eyes.

He watches as Minho studies his hair; mouth crooked in concentration as he combs out the strands so they lie flat over Jisung’s eyes and down to his cheeks.

Minho meets his eyes through the strands of hair.

“I’m gonna cut now.”

“I trust you.” Jisung says with false sincerity. (He didn’t trust Minho; Minho made him unexplainably nervous.)

“Good.” Minho laughs, and snips the hair level with Jisung’s eyebrows.

“You need more than a trim.” Minho smiles and holds up the couple inches of hair.

Jisung just sighs and commits to his fate.

Minho is slow and steady and gentle as he cuts the hair around Jisung’s face. Jisung spends most of the few minutes it takes staring at Minho’s face, and the one time he tries to avoid staring like a creep, his eyes land on the way the muscles in Minho’s arm shift as he uses the scissors.

“I’ll do the back now.” Minho is still whispering, the soft snips of the scissors on Jisung’s hair are the only other real noise in the room.

But the bathroom is still filled with something in the silence. Jisung almost puts a name to it when he shivers from loose hairs tickling his neck. It escapes him, and he almost catches it again when Minho gently pushes his head down to cut close to his neck.

Jisung doesn’t find the word to name the feeling until Minho tells him he’s done, Jisung jumps up and goes to the mirror, and looks at his bared face in the reflection with Minho standing close behind him.

He’s not touching him, but Minho is close enough that Jisung can really feel that sliver of space between them, like it’s something more than empty air.

“Is it okay? Do you hate me?” Minho asks this with a bit of a smile, so Jisung knows he’s not really worried. But he’s still curious at Jisung’s silence.

“Yeah, no, I mean…. It’s fine, I like it. I just—”

“You look different.” Minho places his hands on Jisung’s arms, and leans forward to inspect him through the mirror.

“Yeah” Jisung sighs. The newly-named-feeling in the room is overwhelming, and Jisung is thinking too hard about what he sees in the mirror.

“Thank you” Jisung whispers.

Minho meets his eyes in the mirror and gives a lopsided smile in response. Jisung thinks that maybe Minho feels the newly-named-feeling too, or worse, can tell that Jisung is feeling it.

Jisung is left feeling awkward and confused when the feeling thins out as Minho backs off and goes to sweep up the pile of hair on the floor.

Maybe Minho didn’t feel it.

…

Jisung doesn’t stay awake all night every night. Sometimes the overtiredness catches up with him and he knows by the time he’s showered if he’ll be able to sleep that night.

If it’s one of the days he’s gone into town with some of the others on a milk run (no-pun intended) then he knows for sure he’ll sleep that night. The trips into town are mostly for Chan to drop off their produce to the market and diner, and to pick up groceries and supplies. They’re also a break from routine for anyone who goes. If he goes with Felix they always go get ice cream at the little shop by the main square. If Changbin takes them they usually end up at the diner for greasy fries. It’s a small town, and rarely as busy as anything in his old neighborhood in the city would get. But Jisung still finds the social aspect of it exhausting.

Maybe that’s why Minho never goes into town.

Minho and him have intuitively developed a system of nods and looks to let the other know if they want to go out that night. Jisung will shake his head when he passes Minho in the hall outside the bathroom to let him know he won’t sleep.

But Jisung isn’t a psychic and so tonight he’s lying awake wishing he’d predicted right.

He wants desperately to feel the cool night breeze in his hair through the open window of the pickup. He craves the feeling of sinking into the old leather seat and putting his boots on the dashboard while Minho tunes the radio between the only two stations that reach out here at night.

He gets up.

He knocks as quietly as he can on Minho’s door. Then immediately gets anxious that it wasn’t loud enough and knocks again louder.

The door swings open immediately, stopping him from possibly waking the whole house.

“Shhh.” Minho’s standing there in the doorway wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt that he seems to still be in the process of pulling on.

Before Jisung can even blink, he’s being dragged into the room and the door closes behind him.

“Are you okay?” Minho asks and finally pulls out of Jisung’s space now that the door is shut. He seems to be searching Jisung’s face with a quick scan of his wide eyes.

“Yeah I just… couldn’t sleep. I was so tired earlier, I thought I’d— Sorry you were probably getting some sleep for once.” Jisung rubs his arms. It’s a little cooler at this end of the house.

“Hey, it’s fine. I wasn’t.” Minho gestures over his shoulder.

The room is small, the double bed almost touching all three walls by the window. Dori the cat is sleeping right in the middle of the bed, taking up a surprising amount of space for an animal that’s not supposed to be a pet. Minho’s totally been feeding her treats.

There’s only enough room for a dresser near the door beside them and the ceiling slopes low at one side under the rafter, just like the stairwell outside. The room is also extremely sparse, no posters or photos or stickers like the others. No sign of Minho except for the fact he’s standing right in the middle of it.

“Do you want to go out for a drive?” Minho asks, already pulling his iconic tight jeans on over his bare legs.

“Is that okay?” Jisung looks away from him, stares at the lonely comb sitting on top of the dresser. One of the drawers doesn’t seem to close properly, and he can almost make out a cigarette box and some deodorant peeking out from inside. He can’t really tell though, every little thing about Minho seems to be like that; hidden away and hard to figure out.

“I told you. Always.”

…

Sunshine:

Minho pulls his baseball cap off and wipes the sweat off his forehead, pushing his hair back in the same motion.

Jisung watched from where he sat on the grass at the edge of the crop field. He had brought Seungmin’s camera out to Minho to fix, but Minho just shouted some directions at him while he finished his run on the harvester.

He’s stepped out of the machine and walked a few feet away from it, into the uncut crops. Looking out over the field and surveying his work, only halfway done.

The sun is hitting his back, the sky in the background is a brilliant blue.

Jisung hopes the camera is working properly when he lifts it to his eye and takes the shot.

Minho fits perfectly in the frame, with the tops of the tall grain crops around his hips. Jisung even takes two shots, In the second one, Minho has turned fully towards him with his hand over his eyes to shield from the sun.

“Is it working?”

“I think so”

Minho puts his hat back on, on his way over. Leaning over Jisung, he lifts the camera to inspect it.

“Looks fine to me.”

He takes it and stands above Jisung, who is now the one who has to shield his eyes from the sun when he looks up to see what Minho is doing.

The camera clicks. Minho takes a picture of him sitting in the grass, the shadow of his hand hides his eyes.

“Sounds fine too. I think you did it. Tell Seungmin to get this film developed as soon as possible and have someone professional at the printers take a look at it though.” He hands the camera back.

“I thought you were a professional.” Jisung smirks.

“Only with engines jackass,” he ruffles Jisung’s hair, “What did he need to take a picture of so bad anyway?”

“Who knows with Seungmin, but his whining was getting annoying. I shouldn’t say that, I know he loves this thing. Probably just trying to document Jeongin’s entry into puberty though.”

“Well now he’ll have a picture of your entry to puberty.” Minho laughs.

“Fuck off, I’m a legal adult!” Jisung scrambles to his feet, holding his fist out (not-so) threateningly.

Minho just closes his hand around Jisung’s fist and pushes it down.

“I’m kidding.” Minho looks like he’s going to head back to the field, but pauses “You have grown since you got here Han... you’re not the same scared skinny kid Chan dragged in.”

He looks away from the fields, meets Jisung’s eyes, almost like he’s trying to show that he’s being serious.

Jisung meets his gaze, he doesn’t have to search for his sincerity, Minho’s eyes are big and always show his emotions, even if he doesn’t say much. Jisung feels warmth bloom in his chest, a zing shoots between it and the hand still under Minho’s loose grip.

Jisung stares back a little too long, zones out thinking about Minho’s words and forgets to lower his loose fist from between them.

Minho snorts, but there’s fondness in his gaze as he backs away. Jisung feels sweat on his hand where Minho’s had been.

“You dork,” He smiles, breaking Jisung out of his thoughts. “That was barely a compliment Hannie.”

“Still, thank you. It’s rare to hear you be so nice.”

Minho laughs, high and bright, and keeps walking back towards the tractor.

“I’m always nice!”

“Just this morning you called Changbin an ‘extra-large barf bag’!” Jisung yells back.

“That’s nicer than what I usually call him!” Minho has now turned the engine back on and it’s ridiculous to keep yelling at each other over it, so Jisung throws his hands up and walks back to the house.

He turns Seungmin’s camera over in his hands. He thinks about the pictures he took of Minho. He thinks about the “compliment” Minho was trying to give him. He drops off the camera with Seungmin, barely remembering to pass on Minho’s message, and heads inside.

Once alone in bathroom, he lifts his shirt and stares at himself in the mirror. He’s really not the same person as when he arrived several weeks ago.

Jisung has often felt insecure about his body, being short, constantly called scrawny by gym teachers and bigger boys.

He always looks at the men on the farm in awe. Minho’s thick thighs are still such a contrast to Jisung’s skinny legs. Minho’s whole body is envy-worthy, not as beefy with muscle as Chan or Changbin or even Younghyun, but still more masculine than Jisung’s has ever been.

But Jisung’s started looking at himself with more confidence lately. The hard work showing in his arms and chest, the hearty food they feed him showing in the rest. And his skin looks healthy and beautifully dark where the hot summer sun has tanned it.

He wants Minho to notice. It seems like maybe he has.

Heat:

Jisung is sitting on the front porch, legs dangling off the side. Its unbearably hot everywhere, even in the kitchen where the others are crowded around the only fan.

Jisung has found a good spot under the shade of the house, catching what little breeze there is.

This morning Felix and Seungmin had made a mess of the kitchen trying to make popsicles. It was worth having to clean up their mess then to get one now.

It’s cold and sweet and making the summer weather a little more bearable.

Changbin had given Felix a weird look when he was offered one earlier. He had a strange reaction to seeing Felix eating it and turned him down. He sure missed out. The brain freeze is worth it.

Jisung is glad for the shorts Felix lent him, even they’re still a bit big in the waist. His over-sized t-shirt (that used to belong to Younghyun) clings to his back. He’s not yet confident enough to walk around shirtless like Felix.

“Hey,” Minho’s walking towards him from the garage, hand over his eyes to shield from the hot sun. Jisung stole his baseball cap yesterday and forgot to return it.

“Hey.” Jisung replies with a lazy wave.

Minho sits down with him under the shade, on the porch steps. He pulls out the oily rag almost always found tucked in his back pocket and wipes dark streaks off his sun-tanned hands.

“It’s fucking hot.” Minho grumbles, tugging the laces of his boots and pulling them off. They clunk against the wooden step below him.

“Mmhmm” Jisung hums; sucking on the popsicle. It’s cold on his front teeth.

He turns back to Minho, who’s staring at the frozen treat with an unreadable expression.

“What? Do you guys have a thing against popsicles?” Jisung asks, thinking of Changbin’s similar reaction.

Minho just shakes his head, and puts on that little smile that’s so… so aggravatingly _Minho_. Jisung always has to do his best to guess what those smiles mean.

“Oh did you want some? I think the kids ate the rest.”

Minho looks tempted, so Jisung holds it out to him.

When Minho wraps his lips around it and flits his eyes up to him briefly, Jisung thinks he understands.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the insomnia thing is kind of cliché but at least Chan gets to sleep in this au.
> 
> Also I wrote the chapter "Hair" months ago so I basically predicted Hyunjin's long hair thanks you're welcome.


	6. Interlude: Unconventional family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbin's story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The age gap tag really becomes even more relevant in this chapter (even though Minho and Jisung have a similar age gap). The story also gets much more explicit/mature.  
> If you are uncomfortable with a fictional 18/19 year old having a relationship with someone older this story is not for you.  
> But if you are actually 18/19 be wary of older people taking advantage of you.  
> This is a fictional story where things work out well.

Jisung had already been living at the farm for two months when he saw Changbin and Felix kiss for the first time.

It was the first time their door had been open wide enough for Jisung to see inside as he passed by. Obviously curious, he looked over.

He noticed the bed first, with its bright coloured quilt. Then his brain registered that there was just _one_ big bed. And that the occupants of the room were standing right at the end of it, sharing an intimate moment.

He gave himself whiplash from the way he slowed down to grasp the scene and then threw himself past their door and into the bathroom before they could see him.

Cheeks completely red, he leaned against the locked bathroom door and tried to process his thoughts.

Felix and Changbin kissing.

Felix and Changbin.

Kissing.

Two men kissing right in front of him.

Not just any two men, his housemates; one of his new best friends kissing the moody older man who taught Jisung how to birth a calf (that’s a traumatizing story Jisung would rather not remember).

It wasn’t totally unrealistic though, thinking of how much time they spend together and the fact that no one goes near their room. Jisung never really thought much about it before, rationalizing it by knowing what Changbin’s personality was like (Although, even the reclusive Minho let Jisung into his room.)

Sure he’d wondered why the two of them were roommates when Felix and Seungmin were a self-proclaimed dynamic duo. Actually now he remembers Hyunjin saying something once about their room being Felix’s childhood bedroom, and how it had seemed odd that Felix would give it up. Even when he was close with Hyunjin and Jeongin too.

How had he not realized sooner?

Jisung recalls all the times he’s invited himself to hang out with the two of them. So many evenings he would join them on the front porch, completely oblivious to the fact that they were alone together for a reason.

He smacks his palm against his forehead.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He slides down the door a little bit, squatting with his head in his hands, even more embarrassed now.

A loud knock at the door makes him jump and hit something off the shelf beside him.

“Hey, are you almost done in there? It’s my turn to shower!” Hyunjin yells from the other side of the door.

Jisung swings around, unlocks the door and pulls Hyunjin into the room with him.

“Hey!, what the fuck Jisung?!”

Jisung closes the door as soon as all of Hyunjin’s long limbs are inside.

“I just saw Felix and Changbin kiss!” Jisung hisses. He grabs Hyunjin by the shoulders and shakes him. Hyunjin’s eyes are wide and he looks absolutely terrified before Jisung finally lets him go and gives him space to breathe.

“Shit no one told you?” Hyunjin scratches his head.

“No, no one told me! You mean everyone knew?! And didn’t think to warn me?!” Jisung’s gripping his hair tight, more than a little exasperated.

“You didn’t walk in on them did you?” Hyunjin winces.

“No I happened to pass by when they opened their door. I don’t think they saw me.” He sighs.

“You better not have a problem with it.” Hyunjin warns, arms crossed and leaning against the wall across from him. “You liked them well enough before you knew they were gay.”

“No I don’t care if they’re gay.” Jisung dismisses that with a wave of his hand,

“I care that no one thought to mention it…” Jisung has a sudden thought,

“Wait, why wouldn’t Chan tell me when he offered to let me stay here? He was so worried about everyone respecting each other…You don’t think he assumed I’m…”

“I didn’t want to say it myself dude but you are kinda—”

Jisung claps a hand over Hyunjin’s mouth.

“No! No! Never mind, we’re not talking about this right now.” He swings open the door behind him and almost runs right into Minho, whose look of surprise grew even more when he looked over Jisung’s shoulder and saw Hyunjin there too.

“Why were you two in the bathroom together?”

“Uhhhh” Hyunjin shuffles out behind Jisung. He didn’t seem to be coming up with a good answer so Jisung took over.

“We’re planning something for Jeongin. Didn’t want him to overhear us, y’know?” He improvised, hopefully his awkward laugh at the end didn’t give him away.

“Oh…” Minho was still giving them a strange look, but nodded and continued on his way.

Jisung gave a sigh of relief.

“Hyunjin?” Jisung whispered, watching Minho disappear down the stairs.

“Yeah?”

“Everyone’s okay with it right? With Felix and Changbin?”

“Yeah, I mean when we all first found out last summer it was kind of weird. But we’re all cool now.”

—

Felix was only 12 when Changbin met him for the first time. Their first meeting was nothing more than an acknowledgement that Chan had a little brother when Changbin came over to his house.

Chan was more than twice his brother’s age, back from college in the city, and stuck working at the gas station in their small town.

Changbin was still dreaming of being able to move to the city and go to school himself. And a gas station job was the best he could get around here to make the money he needed.

Chan and Changbin had always known the other existed; their parents weren’t close friends but they traded from farm to farm. But their farms were on opposite sides of the town and they had just missed being in high school at the same time. So they _really_ first met working the same shift at the gas station. Changbin listened rapt to Chan’s stories of the city, and shared his goals and dreams. And Chan valued having a friend to replace those who had grown up, moved away, or settled down and married already.

They became inseparable, and so Felix got used to seeing his older brother’s friend hang out around their house.

Most of the farm kids tended to grow up too fast, learning to work while townie kids played. Felix had a little bit of that, but it was obvious that their parents placed more responsibility on Chan, and let Felix just be a kid. But Changbin talked to him the way Chan did, like a person, not just a child. And so Felix began to idolize Changbin the way he idolized his older brother.

Changbin never minded. He didn’t have any younger siblings himself and was happy to be there when Felix wanted to show off his taekwondo moves or was begging for someone to pitch a ball to him. That eventually led to Changbin attending Felix’s tournaments and baseball games with Chan. They would cheer loudly just to embarrass him. Changbin even drove Felix to a few practices when his family was busy, and somehow fell into “coach” mode pretty easily. He got some weird looks from the other kid’s parents, when he yelled at Felix from the sidelines, but he couldn’t help the instinct.

Changbin loved Chan’s family, hell he loved his own family too.

But he eventually made enough money to move to the city and go to school. To escape the farmland and small town, and start the life he had been dreaming of.

And he left.

It didn’t end up being what he had hoped.

It was a gradual shift, from excitement to misery. Each month he got worse. When it started to get really bad he hid away from everyone, stopped answering his parent’s calls, stopped calling Chan and his other friends.

One weekend in the last month of the school year, he was so sick of the city that he hopped on the train home.

Chan picked him up at the station. They sat at the diner; and Chan didn’t mind when Changbin shifted around the topic of school. Instead he told him Felix’s team had a game that night, and drove them to the high school.

When Felix went up to bat, Chan and Changbin cheered at the top of their lungs, just like they used to.

After Felix spotted Changbin in the crowd he froze and completely missed the pitch being thrown at him.

Their team ended up winning anyway. And Changbin felt like a winner himself when Felix jumped him after the game and held him in a tight hug. Felix was now taller than him. He had grown up a lot in the short time Changbin had been away.

For the first time Changbin realizes that Felix is beautiful.

For the first time Changbin realizes that this small town _is_ his home.

Changbin went back to his parents’ house that night. And when he left at the end of the weekend to go back to school, he knew that he’d be coming right back.

Changbin couldn’t get his old job at the gas station back. But he managed to beg his way into a job at the diner. He ended up working full time, trying to earn enough money to make up for dropping out of school.

Sometimes he didn’t see Chan as often. But somewhere along the way he ended up being the only friend Changbin still talked to. Even if it was one day a week, Changbin felt his worries wash away when he was with Chan. He didn’t know when they stopped talking about their dreams for the future and started pretending that they were carefree teenagers again.

~~He still didn’t see Felix that much in the next couple of months, but each time he did it felt like being hit by a truck.~~

But then the accident happened. And Chan’s life was turned upside down.

It was a hard thing to watch from the sidelines. To see all this weight drop down onto Chan’s shoulders, not just a funeral to take care of, but a whole farm, a little brother.

Changbin didn’t back away, he tried to stay by Chan’s side, even to just sit with him when he needed it. Their house felt eerily empty. Felix had pretty much locked himself away in his room that whole week. Changbin sat outside his door one night, talked to him through the wood. He only got a few muffled sniffs in reply.

Felix was 16 when Changbin moved into their house.

Changbin had never wanted to be a farmer. He had told his parents long ago that he didn’t want to take over their family farm. But they were supportive of all his decisions, including the one to move in with Chan and Felix. They helped out a lot too, in the weeks after the accident. Changbin’s parents were the first to offer to help Chan get caught up.

Felix was still in school; it was really just Chan and Changbin trying to keep the farm afloat.

Their farmhand had already been planning on moving on in the next month, to move out west with his wife and their soon-to-be-born baby.

They needed help. And soon it would come to them.

For now, inside the farmhouse things were fine. The heavy feeling of grief that had blanketed the whole house was slowly getting lighter as Changbin weaved his way deeper into the two brother’s lives.

Changbin had awkwardly moved into their parents’ old room, carrying a duffle bag of belongings and a new set of sheets. Chan and Felix had cleared it out, put everything in the small room by the back staircase and up in the attic, so Changbin had never seen the way it had been when their parents lived in it. He did move the bed, but that was about all he could do for now. He didn’t yet have anything to fill the room with, all his posters still on the walls of his childhood bedroom, and his box of records waiting for him to pick up another day.

Still, when Felix knocked on the door and poked his head in, he said it didn’t look like the same room at all. That it really was Changbin’s now.

He got used to life back on a farm. Stopped swearing at his alarm clock when it woke him at dawn. Then grew accustomed to waking up a minute before it, until he didn’t even need to use it and it became a decoration in his increasingly more personalized room.

Changbin learned to be happy with his life again.

Felix was 17 when Chan caught Changbin staring at him. They were sitting at the kitchen table, while Felix was across the room putting stuff away into the cupboards.

Changbin had found himself staring at the way Felix’s clothes fit around his body. He had really grown into a fine man in the last couple of months.

When he snapped himself out of it and turned away, he found Chan had noticed. Chan had only given Changbin a puzzled look, and never brought it up, but it had made Changbin avoid looking at Felix for days afterwards.

Felix was 18 when Changbin realized he was in love with him.

Felix was 18.

Changbin was wearing jeans and one of his seemingly endless supply of tight black t-shirts (Felix had counted 8 of them while doing the laundry once), despite the heat. He also didn’t appear to be sweating at all, whereas Felix was wiping his forehead after just the walk back from the garden shed. Felix himself was wearing the bare minimum amount of clothes that the others would let him walk around in. Although everyone gave his bright orange swim trunks a strange look when he came down to breakfast.

Felix set the old sprinkler in the grass and squatted down to attach the hose.

Changbin was trying not to notice that Felix’s garish orange swim trunks were very short where the fabric rode up on his thighs.

“You’re really just gonna sit there?” Felix’s voice snapped Changbin out of his focus on the boy’s legs.

“I’m a bit old to be scampering through a sprinkler Lix” Changbin snorted, leaning back on his hands, seated on the porch. The sun was too high to give any shade, even right here beside the house.

Everyone else had gone into town today, except Minho who was out in the barn tinkering with something. Felix had insisted it was too hot to do any kind of work and had instead set out to dig the sprinkler out of the shed. Changbin was… supervising.

“Enjoy suffering then I guess old man,” Felix laughed and stood up. “Could you at least turn on the hose for me?”

Changbin groaned and reached over to turn the tap next to the porch, the water making a fizz and a spurt as it started flowing through the tube.

Felix shrieked when the water burst through the holes in the sprinkler, Changbin looked up just in time to see Felix jump when the cool water hit. He couldn’t help but smile as Felix ran back and forth through the spray of water and stood with his arms and head raised to the sun while the sprinkler showered him.

“Having fun kid?”

Felix looked down and stepped out from the spray so the water wasn’t hitting him right in his face.

“You could always join me and find out.”

Changbin refused to believe that Felix knew what he was doing, that the teenager was using his newly deep voice that way on purpose, or that he was smirking with anything but innocent mischief.

“I’ll pass.” Changbin snorted. He was warm with the sun baking his jeans and dark shirt, but he couldn’t picture himself frolicking in the grass like that.

Felix apparently wasn’t going to take no for an answer, because suddenly he was right in Changbin’s face, pulling him up with all his might and dragging Changbin towards the waving spray of the sprinkler.

“Hey!” Changbin dug his heels in the grass, but the ground was getting muddy from the sprinkler and he slid. Felix pulled him under the water laughing and Changbin yelled when the cold hit him.

Felix was still holding him right next to the sprinkler by his arms. When the water fanned out of his face, Changbin reached out to push himself away, but his hands caught on Felix’s slick skin, pushing harder than he meant to. Felix gripped Changbin’s wet shirt and they ended up tumbling down together into the grass.

“Fuck you.” Changbin couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice, and it was a weak curse as he got to his knees. Felix just laughed at him, and propped himself up on his elbows.

The sun was practically glistening on Felix’s wet hair and skin, his smile wide and eyes squinting. Changbin leaned towards him instinctively, clichéd like a moth to a flame.

He didn’t expect Felix to stop laughing and look up at him with widening eyes, Hand quick to grab onto the front of Changbin’s shirt. Changbin shifted over him, but reached to the side and flipped the overturned sprinkler, hitting Felix square in the face with water.

Changbin cackled when Felix sputtered but turned the stream of water back into the grass, he didn’t want to drown the kid.

Felix yelled and spit out a mouthful of water, still gripping onto Changbin’s shoulder.

While Felix rubbed his eyes with his free hand, Changbin impulsively reached for Felix’s waist, his hand slid against wet skin until it rested on his hip, half of his fingers resting on those horrid orange trunks.

Felix had recovered from the splash and was staring up at Changbin again. His eyes flicked down to Changbin’s hand on his hip, and back up to meet his eyes.

Changbin felt it happen in slow motion but he didn’t try to stop it when Felix pulled him down. There was nowhere to go but closer, so Changbin stopped fighting himself and tilted his head to kiss him.

He had wanted this so much. It was burning him from the inside out. Yet Felix’s skin under his hands made him shiver.

Their lips parted, Changbin took a deep breath, just stared down at Felix’s sun-kissed face, held onto his bare waist.

“Changbin,” Felix whispered, barely louder than the cicadas buzzing in the trees beside them.

He pulled Felix close for another kiss. Rougher this time, because he needed it.

Felix managed to push them both up off the wet grass, even while holding Changbin’s jaw to keep kissing him back.

They scrambled back towards the porch, laughing between kisses.

Changbin somehow remembered to turn off the spout to the hose before they pulled each other into the house.

He didn’t remember closing the front door behind them or rushing up the stairs.

He just remembers pushing Felix against his closed bedroom door, and then being pushed back by the younger man onto his bed. Felix’s wet skin was already bare under his hands.

Tangled together and licking into each other’s mouths. Sliding against each other through rough damp clothes.

Touching; finally being able to touch him, to be touched by him.

Felix came with a muffled grunt when Changbin finally slid the waistband of his shorts down his thighs.

Grabbing at Changbin’s shoulders. Felix’s heavy breaths and low whispers in his ear had Changbin fumbling to undo his jeans. Felix was touching him through his underwear.

An increasingly desperate Changbin pinned the younger man down, able to slip the shorts all the way off Felix’s legs, before rutting against his bare skin. Felix’s mouth on his neck felt amazing but he had to tug at his hair to pull him back, just so he could meet his eyes when he came. And pull him into a bruising kiss to ride the wave.

A car door slammed outside.

They both shot up from the bed. Holding each other’s arms to steady themselves.

“Holy shit.”

Felix laughed, despite the tight situation and their hearts beating rapidly with adrenaline. He held Changbin by the collar of his disheveled t-shirt as he walked backwards towards the door. Pulling him in for hurried kisses.

“Go put some fucking clothes on.” Changbin laughed back, the words being swallowed by Felix’s mouth.

He was very naked, and very much still standing in Changbin’s room, despite the sounds of the others already walking around downstairs.

Felix slipped out the door in a blink, and Changbin held his breath until he heard a door shut down the hall.

He had only just shed his still-damp jeans from where they sat around his knees, when a knock sounded on his door.

“Changbin?” It was Chan, of course it was Chan. God what had Changbin just done.

He cracked the door enough to stand in the opening.

Chan laughed at his appearance.

“What happened to you?”

“Uh Felix set up that old sprinkler in the yard and sprayed me with it.” Changbin rubbed his arm to calm his nerves. He couldn’t look Chan in the eyes.

“Did you chase him around after or something? You’re all red.”

“Kind of.” Changbin awkwardly laughed with him, but almost choked when he saw something bright orange on the floor just inside the door. If Chan turned his head, he would be looking right at it.

“Uh, sorry, I really gotta get out of these wet clothes man.” Changbin started closing the door, and Chan happily let him, calling out to come downstairs and help him when he was done.

Changbin pressed his back to the door. Felix’s fucking bright obvious orange shorts were sitting in a wet pile in his room.

There were strands of wet grass all over the bed.

Changbin had tried very hard to avoid looking at Felix the rest of the day. It was especially difficult at dinner with Felix was sat right across from him.

Of course Changbin was also anxious about scaring the kid by giving him the cold shoulder. The last thing he wanted was for Felix to think he regretted what they’d done.

So when he felt Felix’s socked foot nudge his under the table, he nudged back. He never thought he’d be one to do something as cliché as play footsie with someone at the dinner table.

Hopefully Chan didn’t notice what was happening under the table right in front of him.

He had been reading the same page for too long. Having to go over the same paragraph several times before it stuck in his head.

His door suddenly opened and Felix slipped in, quickly closing it behind him and leaning against the wood. Felix rarely came to his room, and the few times he did he was very particular about knocking.

Changbin marked his page and slipped his glasses off.

“Hey.” He placed his glasses on his side table.

“Hey,” Felix was already scuttling across the room, to the other side of the bed.

“Can I-?”

“Yeah.”

Changbin set his book down. Unconsciously shifting towards the middle of the bed when Felix climbed up.

His hand automatically went to cup Felix’s cheek, pulling him down for a soft kiss while Felix kneeled on top of the sheets. Felix sighed into the kiss, hand gripping Changbin’s arm.

“Hi” he whispered, eyes big and sparkly, when they broke the kiss. He was still kneeling over Changbin.

“Hi baby.” Changbin’s voice was both soft and rough.

Felix’s cheeks grew pink under his freckles.

He melted into Changbin’s side, laying on top of the sheets. His hair fanned out across Changbin’s spare pillow.

He was still holding onto Changbin’s elbow, which made Changbin reluctant to move. Especially when Felix ran his hand up Changbin’s arm and squeezes a little around the thick muscles he’s earned working on the farm.

Changbin feels a flutter under his ribs.

“I love your body.” Felix whispers, lips pressed to Changbin’s skin. His voice is deep, so different than when Changbin first met him. The vibrations of it buzz up his arm.

“Is that all?” Changbin jokes, smiling down at him.

Felix winks and Changbin tries not to laugh too loud in the quiet room.

“Can I sleep here with you?” Felix is tugging him down so they lay side by side.

“Of course, anything you want.”

Felix kisses him. Changbin kisses him again, because he can. Then tucks his face into the space between Felix’s neck and shoulder, placing a soft kiss to his skin there too.

They hold hands under the sheet.

Every day feels like a dream to Changbin when he looks at Felix and Felix is looking right back at him. When Felix touches him purposefully, not casually, when they pass. When their eyes meet and they blush.

It feels like a dream because Changbin never thought it could ever happen.

He had resigned himself to a pitiful future of longing and heartbreak. He had promised himself that he would watch from afar and let Felix live his life without ever having to know how Changbin felt about him. But now, by some grateful luck, Felix wanted him too. Even if all he wanted were kisses and sex, Changbin would give him his everything.

But he hoped beyond hope that Felix loved him back, because Felix touched him gently, kissed his cheeks, curled into his side under the sheets without any sexual intention. Changbin could wait for an answer.

And until then he would keep his declaration silent, he would show it in every kiss. He would love and worship Felix’s body instead.

Changbin couldn’t believe that he could just pull Felix into his lap and kiss him. He was awake and not in a vivid dream. Felix was straddling him with his hands on his hips. Leaning down to kiss Changbin hard. And smiling against Changbin’s lips when he felt him harden under him. Changbin gripped tight onto Felix’s hips when they pressed down onto his lap. He groaned when his hardness slid against Felix’s thigh through their clothes. Felix smiled wider, held tight onto Changbin’s shoulders and pulled him in for a deep kiss, bouncing on his lap until Changbin couldn’t focus on kissing back. Changbin was only a bit embarrassed that Felix could make him cum in his pants like a teenager.

While in the last year or so Changbin had _noticed_ Felix’s body, he still had not expected to fall in love all over again with its details. Having always been in sports, and living on the farm, Felix was fit and strong. But even while living with him Changbin hadn’t ever been able to see him like this, see the things he did so naturally that were inexplicably sexy.

The first time he could just sit down and appreciate him, naked, lying back on his bed, he was fascinated. He took his time just to explore, to kiss every patch of skin, to see what type of touches garnered what reactions. A voice in the back of his head told him to show Felix how much he loved him as if it were the first and last time he ever could.

But it wasn’t. And he kept learning more and more. He learned that Felix was very flexible, and that it was a very good thing for them. He learned that they fit together perfectly. He learned that size really didn’t matter.

And eventually he learned that sometimes just stopping to talk and say “I love you” made everything more pleasurable.

(Changbin is still pleased later, when he notices the chipped paint on the wall behind his headboard.)

It was admittedly kind of hot to sneak around. Of course it was hard for Felix to keep slipping out of his room without being caught by Chan or the others. And it made Changbin nervous, when he thought of the consequences of their actions; what could happen if they were caught.

Even in the evening when they hide themselves away in the privacy of Changbin’s room, he worries that someone will come looking for them.

“Felix maybe we should wait until—”

“Shh.”

Sometimes Felix is impulsive and fearless. Changbin finds this very attractive but also incredibly worrying. Whenever he had let himself imagine what being with him would be like, it was never as exhilarating as this.

He would have never imagined that Felix would push him flat on his back. Keep him held down to the bed and take control. That Felix would lean his cheek against Changbin’s hip and start playing with his balls, his eyes flicking between Changbin’s heavy-lidded eyes and his very aroused dick.

“God I’m so fucking in love with you kid.” Changbin ran his hand through Felix’s hair, but it was pinned back down to the sheet.

“I love you too Binnie.” Felix smiled, Changbin thought he outshone the sun.

But then Felix did something with his fingers that had all coherent thoughts rush out of Changbin’s head to be replaced with pure pleasure.

…

Changbin knew that if anything threatened Felix, Chan wouldn’t hesitate to take his side and dump the rest of them out. Chan was loyal to all of them, but Felix more than anyone, he was still his little brother. His priority would always be Felix. Despite how much Chan liked to preach about finding your own family, his bond to his biological brother was stronger than anything.

They had talked about it once, sitting on the counter of the gas station, sharing stories of young love and sex. The talked about how being gay didn’t seem as bad as old angry men said it was. They never really talked about it after that, neither had been having relationships worth sharing. Of course Changbin never told Chan that he’d gone looking for other guys during his time in the city. That he had had to figure it out for sure.

But Felix wasn’t just a guy. That was only half the problem.

…

Most people knew about what happened to Chan and Felix’s parents, and that Changbin had moved in to help them.

And many people tried to help them out in the beginning, Chan was grateful for that.

But their sympathy was temporary, and when it ran out, Chan needed farmhands.

Chan put up notices in the diner and the gas station, told locals to send anyone looking for work their way.

They were lucky Younghyun was in the right place at the right time. He actually had farm experience, and after a short conversation Chan was already offering him a room in exchange for work. His experience proved to be a real saviour for them, and Chan really looked up to him.

Seungmin had been a surprise. He found them through the diner, the owner calling Chan on his behalf when she couldn’t give him a job herself. He was all alone and not in in a very good state. Chan took him in without much question. Seungmin was quiet kid but a hard worker, and they never judged him for being young like other people would have. And it made Felix so happy to have a friend his age, even if he had to pull Seungmin out of his shell.

Chan had never minded strangers, his Dad had taught him how to handle hitchhikers and to always welcome guests.

There were also many things that Chan’s dad insisted on doing himself, and so Chan had to learn the hard way. It was a blessing when Minho showed up. Someone who actually knew a bit about machines, so Chan didn’t have to call in someone from across town every time he (or Changbin) broke something. Of course Minho just showed up on their doorstep, having only heard from someone in town that he might find work there, and walked in like he had known them all his life.

When Chan got a call from the church it stopped being about hiring workers for the farm. There were two runaway kids that needed a place to stay. They refused to go to the police.

Chan got in his truck that night and drove down to the church to meet them.

When he saw the nervous look in their eyes he regretted not waking Felix and bringing him along too, but he put on a genuine smile and tried to talk to them the same way he would talk to his brother. The older kid, Hyunjin, was around Felix’s age, scared his little brother Jeongin would be separated from him if they got placed in foster care.

In the next week he visited them a couple times to make sure they could trust each other. But he had already made up his mind after that first visit, the next morning having ordered a bunk bed at the hardware store so it would be ready to put together when they moved in.

Chan was immediately overprotective of them, especially the youngest kid. He made sure everyone else in the house knew he wanted a safe and comfortable place for Jeongin.

People knew why Changbin and the others had moved in with Chan.

It didn’t stop the rumours that spread in the years afterwards.

It didn’t stop every woman in the vicinity from asking Chan when he was going to get married.

It didn’t stop mothers (and a lot of fathers) from trying to set him up with their daughters. He was a good catch; the girls didn’t really mind.

Chan was too polite, too nice to everyone in Changbin’s opinion. People barely bothered Changbin and he still felt like snapping every time someone brought up women and marriage.

Chan always politely declined, or shrugged it off with a smile and changed the subject. It’s not that Changbin wasn’t curious about Chan’s lack of love-life either, it was just that he knew how busy Chan was.

There were nasty rumours too, little things that would come and go, spread by closed minded people around town. Short lived rumours that Chan was turning their farm into a cult, or preying on boys, or doing some other illegal thing.

Most people in town knew him or his parents, and at least had decent respect for him. The rumours always got shut down. But there were always those who thought he was too weird for being the way he was, and that their little group of boys wasn’t quite right.

Chan wouldn’t let any of it bother him, he shielded them from the rumours, he shrugged it all off with a pure heart.

…

They should have told him.

Chan shouldn’t have found out the way he did.

And now Felix was freaking out in the living room, Chan and Changbin were yelling in the next room, and the new kids were looking absolutely terrified.

Hyunjin is trying to console his little brother, but he looks just as lost and confused.

Felix starts crying into his hands when the two men arguing get loud enough for their words to be heard through the wall. Immediately he feels a hand pet his hair.

“It’s not your fault.” Minho says above him, and moves his hand from Felix’s hair to his shoulder.

Felix looks up and sees Younghyun helping Hyunjin console a now crying Jeongin. The two kids had only been there a week and now they were probably going to get scared away.

Seungmin put his hand on Felix’s knee and looped an arm around his waist. He knew Seungmin didn’t like when people yelled, yet here he was trying to take of Felix. It made him cry more, he felt like he was the reason this unconventional family wasn’t going to work after all.

The yelling got louder and some very explicit words came through the wall. Seungmin practically jumped to his feet.

He started tugging Jeongin and Hyunjin out of the room. The group of them escaped out the front door, Younghyun not so subtly slamming it closed behind them.

Minho had stayed, his hand on his shoulder currently the only thing keeping Felix from imploding.

The slam had caught the attention of Chan and Changbin, who slid open the pocket door between the two rooms that was doing a poor job of muffling their fight.

Minho, who was normally quite calm, raised his voice at Chan.

“Great fucking job Chan, you made the kids cry.“

“Minho… I’d like to talk to my brother and Changbin alone please.”

Minho clenched his jaw, holding his ground for a moment before sighing and backing down. He squeezed Felix’s shoulder before heading out into the hall and out the front door to join the others on the porch.

Felix could see a flashlight pass by the window, and silhouettes of the kids probably running around the yard. He had been meaning to take Jeongin and Hyunjin out stargazing tonight, looks like they’ll still get a chance to see them.

“Jeongin was crying.” Felix said. Like he wasn’t crying himself.

Chan sat down opposite him with his head in his hands.

This had to have been the worst time for it to come out. With Chan trying so hard to create a welcoming space for Hyunjin and Jeongin, being so paranoid about bringing a little kid in.

“Why didn’t you tell me two weeks ago? When I told you you’d be sharing a room with them?” Chan asked.

Felix didn’t have an answer for him. After the fact it seemed stupid to have tried to hide this from Chan at all.

But he’d already been hiding it for years. Hiding his blush every time his brother brought his friend home. Hiding his excitement when he spotted Changbin cheering in the crowd at his baseball games. Hiding the way he stared at Changbin while he worked, or stretched, or when he came out of the bathroom after a shower.

Changbin sat down beside him, held his hand tightly in his lap, no need to hide that from Chan anymore. Felix gripped tight and pressed into his side. As grateful as he had been for Minho and Seungmin’s affection, Changbin’s felt like it was helping him breathe again. Maybe he had been worried this would be the end of them.

The hostility Chan was giving off still hurt.

Felix hadn’t heard everything that the other two had said in the other room. He was embarrassed by what he _had_ heard. He knew he was still in for an interrogation.

“How long Felix?”

“I told you —” Chan cut Changbin off.

“I asked Felix.”

Changbin squeezed his hand and grumbled,

“He thinks I was ‘grooming’ you.”

Felix knew what that meant, they had all seen stories about that in the newspapers, he was angry.

“It was just this summer. He’s your best friend Chan, you really think he’d do that? That’s fucked up.” Felix snapped.

“I’m sorry.” Chan was the one who seemed scared now. Probably tired of the screaming match he’d had with Changbin already and not prepared to see his brother get mad.

“I was telling you the truth Chan,” Changbin sighed, “If you really want to – okay, maybe the first time I ever thought about it was when he was sixteen. Are you happy?”

“Not really but thanks.” Chan sighed.

Felix blushed and turned to Changbin. He had always been too self-conscious of his crush on him to consider that Changbin had liked him back, then, when Felix already felt pathetically in love with his older brother’s best friend.

Changbin met his gaze for only a second before looking back down at his lap, where their fingers were still entwined.

“I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable Lix.”

“No. No, I had the biggest crush on you back then.” Felix shook his head. Changbin’s face lights up.

"It was still wrong and I'm sorry."

Chan clears his throat. And they break away from each other.

“I’m sorry Chan. But I love him.” Felix looked pleadingly into his brother’s eyes.

“Felix… I don’t care if you’re gay,” Chan began, “I just don’t know how I feel about my best friend and my little brother being…together.”

Felix had heard what Chan had said a few minutes ago from the other room, it was still jarring when Changbin repeated it.  
“I’m not just ‘fucking your little brother’ Chan.” Changbin said through gritted teeth.

Felix cursed under his breath. His face felt hot. He released his hand from Changbin’s and threw his head back on the couch, hands covering his eyes.

“Well you’re obviously doing something in a room across from mine at night! Whether you’re in love with each other or not, it’s just freaking me out. If it wasn’t the two of you together, but other people you’d probably be telling me—” Chan was rubbing his face again, trying to rub the product of his imagination out of his eyes.

“Are you saying you don’t want us together? Or you don’t want us in the house?” Felix asked quietly.

“No, no, no I’d never say that Felix, never.”

“So you just want me gone.”

“No Changbin! I– I love you guys, you’re my brothers, I just… I just need to get used to this.”

Chan had gotten up and approached them with his hands out for them to take. They all slowly took each other’s hands. Slipping into silence, still avoiding eye contact.

“I’m sorry for freaking out.” He said.

“I’m sorry you had to walk in on us.”

They all managed a weak laugh at that.

“You should go,” Felix cleared his throat, tight from crying earlier, “Go make sure you didn’t scare Jeongin.”

Chan pulled them both into a hug before heading out of the room to call the others in from outside.

Felix turned to Changbin and threw himself around him in a tight hug, face buried in Changbin’s neck.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, we’re okay.” Changbin placed kisses into Felix’s hair. His grip was tight.

“Cut it out lovebirds.” Younghyun called from the hallway, causing Changbin and Felix to jump apart. The others had all shuffled in, except Chan and Jeongin, who came in a moment later, holding hands. They stood awkwardly together, everyone else in the hall watching them, until Minho pushed his way through and sat himself back down on the couch beside Felix. It incited the rest of them to relax and come back into the room. Chan called them all together to sit down and have an uncomfortable talk about it all.

Still no one really cared; they all had their own secrets, their own issues, their own flaws. Their friendship wasn’t conditional. Surprisingly no one cared that they were gay. But the older men did set up some rules, to keep everything fair and family friendly. All Felix wanted to do was stay glued to Changbin’s arm all the time, he’d never really grow out of that clinginess, but learned to tone it down when anyone outside their group was around.

Felix made it his mission to befriend Hyunjin and Jeongin and make up for their traumatizing second week at the farm.

He moved into Changbin’s room, and everyone ignored it so long as they kept their door closed.

Chan had told Changbin once, when Jeongin and Hyunjin were still settling into the house, that people were supposed to live in larger groups. It was something that a professor of his had once said, from what he thought were wasted times in university.

“People used to live with their whole family, at least with their grandparents, the new idea of the perfect “nuclear” family goes against history. So it’s not actually that weird to have 8 people living in one house.”

Maybe Chan’s professor was right, that their strange domestic fraternity really was good for them.

When he thought about them all; the fullness of the kitchen table at breakfast and their teamwork on the farm, he knew he loved them all.

They were family.

(But maybe they were still missing a piece.)

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought this was a Minsung fic? hahaha
> 
> I know this chapter is flawed and has way too much information in one place, but I've edited it a million times and can't bring myself to change too much.  
> This chapter was my coping mechanism back in March.  
> I hope it works.


	7. Maybe I'm spending too much time with you

“I just found out about Changbin and Felix.” Jisung says.

They’re sitting in the truck in the middle of the field. The light in the truck’s ceiling is on, even though Minho always complains it drains the battery. The cab is lit up in yellow light, it makes the darkness surrounding the lone pickup even deeper.

“Oh shit,” Minho coughs and turns his head to him. He waves the small cloud of smoke from his face and tosses the stumped out cigarette out the window. He doesn’t smoke often; this is only the second time Jisung’s actually seen him do it. The first time had been a bit of a surprise; Minho had just grumbled something about it being an old habit he tried to quit. He seems to be doing it more and more these days. Especially when they’re alone.

“I guess that might have been important to tell you when you moved in.” He swivels around and lifts his legs up onto the seat beside Jisung’s own feet. His boot taps against Jisung’s thigh.

“Yeah maybe.”

“Honestly you’re kind of thick if you hadn’t noticed— nevermind.” Minho laughs to himself.

“What?”

“Nothing, just… realised who I was talking to.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean.” Jisung crosses his arms over his chest, he can’t help the smile that creeps onto his face though. He knows Minho’s making a joke… he just wishes he was in on it.

“It’s just that… you’re not the most observant.”

“Okayyyy sure. Give me an example.” Jisung huffs.

Minho’s giving him a mischievous look from under his brows. Like he’s going to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Other than not knowing you were living with a gay couple?”

Jisung scoffs.

“Hyunjin said they came out a year ago.”

“Yep.”

“What was that like?”

Minho gives him another _look._ This one he can’t read.

“Pretty shit honestly. Okay, maybe not so bad… more like your fight with Hyunjin, just picture Chan being hella angry. That’s not fun.”

“I wouldn’t want to see Chan angry.”

“Agreed, you really don’t. Surprisingly it wasn’t that he was angry that they were gay. Just that, you know, his best friend was fucking his little brother.”

“Way to put it politely.”

Minho laughs.

“And how about you?” Jisung asks.

“What?” Minho coughs, probably belated effects of smoking.

“When they told you, how did you feel?”

“Oh,” Minho rubs his chin, “I didn’t really give a shit. They can do whoever they want. Although… Felix can do so much better than Changbin.”

Jisung laughs so hard at that, that he hits his elbow on the window crank. Minho joins in and they both can’t stop.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding, Changbin’s cool.” Minho says when he catches his breath.

“You know what? I’m surprised,” Jisung says when they calm down, “Surprised that everyone’s so chill about it. Back home I’d only ever heard people hate on gay people. I kind of expected it would be worse out here.”

“What about you? You seem fine with it.” Minho asks, leaning back into the door behind him. His boot is practically in Jisung’s lap now.

Jisung thinks about it for a moment.

“Yeah I guess I am.”

…

Maybe I’m spending too much time with you:

There was a knock on the door. Minho, who was standing at his dresser, reached over and opened it enough for a head to pop through.

“Oh, you’re here.” Chan smiled and opened the door wider, now sure that he wasn’t invading on Minho’s privacy.

Jisung just gave an awkward wave from where he was sitting on the edge of Minho’s bed.

“I just saw you weren’t in your room and was gonna ask Minho if he’s seen you.” Chan tells Jisung.

“Yeah, I’m… here.” Jisung shrugged. It was so weird to see one of the others in Minho’s room. Sometimes it felt like this room existed in a completely different dimension than the rest of the house.

Chan seemed to take his awkwardness as a cue he had interrupted something.

“I have my answer now, so I guess I’ll let you get back to your conversation.” Chan backed out before either Minho or Jisung could respond. The door closed, and it was back to normal; just the two of them. (And maybe the cat, she was very good at hiding.)

“Were we having a conversation?” Jisung laughed from the bed, leaning back on his hands.

“No I believe you were just watching me undress.” Minho smirked.

Jisung snorts in disbelief and denies it, flopping back on the bed so he can bury his face in the folds of Minho’s thin flannel blanket. Minho’s narcissism never ceased to amaze him.

At least he had already put a shirt on when Chan came by.

At some point they had fallen into a comfortable routine of just meeting in Minho’s room in the evenings. The rides out into dark fields still happened, they’d just gotten lazy and sometimes didn’t get that far.

They didn’t even spend a lot of time talking anymore when they met at night. It had become relaxing for them to just share in their insomnia and time awake. Jisung had become comfortable just sitting in Minho’s room, sometimes with a book borrowed from one of the others.

He didn’t have to worry about waking Jeongin and didn’t have to listen to Hyunjin’s snoring (or the occasional sleep-talking). And he had actually been getting drowsy after spending time in Minho’s room.

“Your bed is great,” Jisung moaned while stretching his body as far as he could on Minho’s double bed. “I can stretch out, relax, not hit my hand on a post and not get yelled at by a child.”

Minho just scoffed from the other side of the small room.

Jisung closes his eyes and listens to the slight squeak of Minho’s dresser drawer and the floorboards under his footsteps.

When Jisung realizes the sounds have stopped he opens his eyes and sees Minho above him, arms crossed and looking down at him in amusement.

“Comfortable?” He asks with a raised brow.

“Yep” Jisung gives his cheekiest smile in return. Then tenses up, expecting Minho pinch him or drag him off the bed.

Yet he just relaxes his arms, shakes his head, and nudges Jisung aside so he can sit with his back to the wall. Jisung at least moves his arm so Minho has enough space on his own bed to stretch out his legs. But lets his hand stay on the pillow beside Minho’s hip and stares at the space between his skin and Minho’s shorts.

Jisung wakes up in Minho’s bed.

The light is still on but it’s very obviously much later than Jisung expected.

Minho is asleep for once; he’s lying straight and still right beside him. But his arms are curled in close over his chest, almost tense despite his face looking relaxed.

Jisung tries his best not to disturb him as he climbs out from under the blanket and over him.

He places his knee on the other side of Minho’s hips and glances up to make sure Minho’s still asleep. After confirming his eyes are still closed, Jisung presses his hand to the mattress beside Minho’s waist and pushes himself over him.

When his feet hit the floor he’s still a little disoriented but heads for the door.

The floorboard under him squeaks, so he doesn’t hear the similar creak of the stairs outside the door, and runs right into someone when he opens it.

His body stiffens instinctively, shoulders raising to his ears and bites down on his tongue to literally bite back a scream.

Its Felix, looking equally shocked, and he’s caught himself on the railing to keep from tumbling backwards down the stairs.

“What are you doing up?” they hiss at each other. Jisung rushes to close the door. Minho’s finally sleeping, he’s not going to risk waking him.

“I was getting a glass of water from the kitchen. What were you doing in Minho’s room?” Felix has straightened up, crossing his arms over his chest.

“We were talking earlier, I feel asleep.” Jisung hopes Felix can’t see how red his ears are in the dark.

Felix raises his eyebrow.

Jisung isn’t used to running into anyone but Minho back here. The main staircase at the front of the house is much nicer; brighter, wider and overall a lot less creepy. It’s also closer to most of the other bedrooms. Most of them use it. Jeongin absolutely refuses to use the back staircase; The attic being his absolute worst fear, even more than the basement (which is about 6ft of well-lit laundry room and then an infinite abyss of dark horror movie set). So he and Hyunjin always use the other stairs despite their room being closer to the back.

Even more so than seeing Chan in Minho’s doorway, being alone here with Felix seems wrong...

Felix doesn’t ask more questions and starts walking towards his room. Jisung has no choice but to follow.

“You know,” Felix turns back to him when they reach Jisung’s door, he leans against the wall and his eyes shine with a smirk in the shadowy hallway.

“I used to spend a lot of nights sneaking out of Changbin’s room.”

Jisung coughs and whispers a quick “shut up” before slipping into the door and closing it on Felix.

He lies in his narrow bed, looking up at the bottom of Jeongin’s bunk, and tries not to think about what Felix implied.

…

The day of Changbin’s birthday is just as hot as the previous weeks have been.

It’s the first time Jisung’s experiencing something like this in the house. He wouldn’t have even known Changbin’s birthday was coming except Felix asked him the night before for help baking a cake.

The morning of, he’s able to join in on the chorus of “Happy Birthdays” at the breakfast table. Changbin waves them off, but he accepts all of their hugs, and Jisung can tell he secretly enjoys the attention.

In the afternoon Jisung assists Felix in decorating their cake, it turns out a little ugly, but he knows Changbin will love anything Felix puts down in front of him.

That evening the heat doesn’t even go down with the sun, and they sweat while gathered around the table they’ve pulled outside into the garden.

They’ve strung Christmas lights in the fruit trees beside the table, that they turn on when the sun begins to set. Chan had gone all the way to town to pick up food from the diner, and they surprise Changbin with a full table and a magical little party in the field behind the house.

And it really does feel magical; especially with all of them together. There are even fireflies floating around them.

Changbin is a bit drunk and laughing loudly between shoving fries in his mouth. Jisung finds his laughter contagious. Felix ends up pretty much climbing into Changbin’s lap, giving him a quick but obviously sloppy kiss right in front of everyone. Chan looks slightly uncomfortable until Felix pulls away and just sits back on Changbin’s knee, holding on tight to the arm around his waist keeping him there.

Jisung feels a bead of sweat run down the side of his ribcage when he raises his beer to toast in celebration. He’s wearing a t-shirt that Chan cut the sleeves off of, the open armholes cut down to his ribs. The warm air tickles against the even warmer wetness on his skin.

Jisung makes sure to touch his drink to each of the others, leaning across the table to toast Felix with a loud clang, raising his pinky to toast Seungmin (who rolls his eyes), and clinking with a fond smile against Jeongin’s can of coke.

After toasting everyone at the other end of the table, Minho is right across from him.

Jisung finds Minho’s eyes already on him. It startles him a bit, because Minho’s eyes are always so deep, and now the lanterns on the table reflect orange candle fire in them too. Yet they’re darker than they’ve ever looked before. He can’t look away.

Jisung holds out his hand and waits for Minho to meet him. Their beers make a dull clunk against each other.

Jisung tears his eyes away when he tips his head back to drink, and tries to focus on the embarrassing speech Chan is giving.

But he feels self-conscious of Minho’s gaze on his exposed sweating skin.

On Saturday, a day after Changbin’s actual birthday, they go over to his parents’ house for a party.

Jisung has to borrow more clothes from the others to be somewhat presentable. Most of his usual wardrobe having taken a lot of wear and tear on the farm. And Chan convinced him that he can’t wear muddy jeans and a cut up t-shirt to the party.

He still sweats through the blue dress shirt before they even pull into the driveway of the Seo’s farm on the other side of town.

Jisung can’t remember what they farm, but the whole place looks different from Chan’s. The house alone looks like more of a mansion than a farmhouse. From the driveway Jisung can see many fruit trees, apples maybe, and their barn is only a little dot far in the distance.

Changbin’s mother practically runs out the front door to greet them, kissing Changbin an embarrassing number of times on the cheeks. Of course she then rushes over to Chan to give him the same, and continues through all of them, placing kisses on everyone including a surprised Jisung. Like he’s her own son and not just another strange kid Chan picked up on the side of the road.

He’s met Changbin’s dad before, he comes by the farm occasionally but he only ever stays in the driveway beside his truck. He appears in the doorway and calls out Changbin’s mother; saving Jeongin from being smothered to death by lipstick stained kisses.

Their house is a lot grander than the old farmhouse Jisung is now used to living in. He only catches glimpses of the nice furniture, chandeliers, and lack of clutter inside when Changbin’s parents lead them through the house.

The backyard looks like something out of a suburban fantasy, fully fenced in as if there was a house right next door instead of the closest neighbor being across miles of farmland.

Jisung thinks he went to a kid’s birthday party once that looked just like this. Except that authentic suburban backyard party involved a clown, twice as many balloons and his entire second grade class. There’s thankfully no-one here to make Changbin a balloon animal. But there are actually a few kids running around.

It’s a bit like stepping through the TV screen and landing in a twilight zone.

Much to Jisung’s surprise, Felix sticks to his side.

He doesn’t seem to want to talk to any of the other guests. It’s obvious that most of the people here are Changbin’s family or his parent’s friends. It’s not a lot of people, probably less than a grade school class at least, but Jisung only knows ten of them and he’s uncomfortable with the thought of talking to any of the rest. Bubbly Felix should probably be feeling more comfortable. He likely at least knows more of them, if he and Changbin have known each other for a long time.

Jisung suddenly realizes he doesn’t know if Changbin’s parents actually _know_ about Felix.

They probably just think of him as Chan’s little brother.

Changbin might have to keep it a secret from them forever. Especially if they’re anything like Jisung’s mother….

Apparently most of the little kids around belong to Changbin’s older sister. Who Felix greets politely when she comes by.

Jisung doesn’t think Changbin’s sister looks anything like him at first, but then she puts a hand over her eyes to see them better in the sun, and Jisung can imagine Changbin’s bangs over her forehead, its suddenly striking.

She only chats with them for a minute before she’s looking around the small crowd in the yard and cutting Felix off mid-sentence.

Oddly, she says something about finding Minho of all people, and leaves them alone again. Before Jisung can ask Felix about it, Changbin shows up out of nowhere, grabs Felix and disappears.

Luckily Jisung spots Hyunjin and Seungmin before any of Changbin’s relatives try to come over and start a conversation.

Jisung really just came for the food. It had been one of the main points of the party, as outlined by Changbin and the others. It had been the main reason they all had agreed to it. He knew Changbin would much rather avoid awkward family parties hosted by his parents, as much as he loved the two of them.

It’s when Jisung comes up for air from his paper plate that he notices Minho is missing from their group by the buffet. Of course Changbin’s mother had only just taken the plastic wrap off of the sandwiches and most people had not gotten food yet, but their group of hungry young men had all been waiting for it.

He then realizes Jeongin isn’t there either, and he should probably tell the kid he’s missing out.

Jisung decides to break off from their huddle to find him.

He checks the bathroom inside first, balancing his half-empty plate with one hand and knocking on the door with the other. He runs when he hears the voice of Changbin’s aunt answer from inside.

“Definitely not there.” He whispers to himself.

He feels awkward about checking upstairs, but since no one’s around, he climbs up to the second floor and pokes his head around. The bathroom up here is empty, and the only open door looks like it might have once been Changbin’s bedroom. There’s just some old posters hanging on the walls, but the little column of pencil marks on the doorframe that only go up to around 5 feet tall gives it away.

He brushes his finger against the lead groove. ‘ _August 1971’_ is written beside it.

There’s marks like this on the pantry door back at their farmhouse. Three columns; faded lines belonging to Chan, smudged lines belonging to Felix, and fresh pen marks belonging to Jeongin.

Jisung knows there’s marks on his old bedroom door back home too. Like Changbin’s, his stopped after he turned eleven.

Jisung shakes his head, like it will do anything to clear the intangible memories inside, and heads back downstairs.

As Jisung passes back through the kitchen he sees movement outside the window that looks over the orchard.

He goes back out into the yard and around the deck, away from the others.

The side yard is nearly as big as the back, with some of the apple trees from the orchard creeping into the picket-fenced garden.

He sees Jeongin first, because he’s using the fence to climb up onto the low hanging branch of a large tree. One of Changbin’s nieces is trying to copy him, but her knee length skirt and tiny body limit her to just clinging onto the fence a foot off the ground and gazing up at him.

“Be careful Jeongin” Minho warns, from where he’s watching them, with his back turned to Jisung.

He spins around when he hears Jisung’s footsteps crunch on the gravel path.

Not only is it unusual that Minho’s the one watching over Jeongin; (he usually only interacts with him through a teasing pinch or the occasional time he picks him up and carries him out of the way), no what’s really unusual is that Minho is holding a baby.

Its Changbin’s youngest niece, and she’s clinging tightly to Minho’s shirt with her small fists. When Jisung approaches and Minho notices him, he can see how tiny the kid looks in Minho’s arms. He even looks like he’s holding her properly, like he’s done it before. Which Jisung guesses he should have predicted by the way he sees Minho carry around the cat.

“You’re missing out on food.” Jisung says, eyes still wide at the fact that Minho is babysitting.

“Oh shit!” Jeongin, who had just gotten a hold on the branch and was dangling above them, jumps down and inspects Jisung’s plate.

“Language, Jeongin, there’s other kids around.” Minho hisses. Jeongin has developed quite the vocabulary as a result of living with a bunch of potty-mouthed farm boys. The only one who usually makes an effort not to encourage this is Chan. And apparently now Minho.

As they expect, Changbin’s niece parrots the curse and Minho gives a heavy sigh.

Jeongin just shrugs and runs off, the girl following close behind like a tiny pastel-coloured shadow.

“As long as you don’t repeat it too.” Minho coos at the baby and boops their nose. The kid giggles.

Jisung is shocked silent, but again he’s heard Minho baby the cat and he shouldn’t be surprised.

“I wouldn’t trust you with my kids.” Jisung mutters, as they walk back.

Minho laughs and steals something off Jisung’s forgotten plate, shifting the baby onto his other hip.

“Obviously you shouldn’t. Honestly I was waiting for Jeongin to fall out of that tree.”

When they make it back to the party Changbin’s sister comes to collect the baby from Minho and fusses over him.

“Thank you Minho I really appreciate it but I’ll take her back, you eat, enjoy.”

“I don’t mind watching her really, I’m sure you need the break.” Minho is flashing the smile he usually only uses when he’s being a cheeky shit, except this time his eyes actually look genuinely sweet and there’s no sarcastic comment following. He’s absolutely charming.

Jisung can’t believe Minho, who avoids people like a plague, is so chummy with Changbin’s sister.

From the look her husband is giving them from across the yard, he thinks he might feel weird about it too.

Yet when she leaves, Minho goes back to keeping his head down and avoiding contact with Changbin’s extended family until they rejoin their own group.

Jisung can’t help but watch the two of them for the rest of the afternoon. They only really interact again when Jeongin and Changbin’s older niece go racing through people’s legs and the little girl ends up tripping on her way between Minho and Younghyun. The two of them pick the child up and _both_ end up with the “I’m talking to a pretty girl” smile plastered on their faces while she collects her kid.

She _is_ pretty.

He gives Changbin a lot of shit but really they are both good looking, and the features that make Changbin easy to tease are some of the things that make his sister so feminine. Except where he is broad and angular, she is curvy and petite. She may be older than Chan, plus have a couple kids, but she still looks youthful and beautiful.

Her husband pulls her away from whatever conversation she ended up having with heart-eyed Younghyun and Minho.

Younghyun says something to Minho when she’s walking away that makes Minho turn back to watch her and her husband with a smile on his face before lightly smacking Younghyun’s shoulder.

“What are you looking at?” Felix asks. He’s long returned to Jisung’s side since Changbin is back to being passed around his family like one of the platters of food.

“Nothing.” Jisung tears his eyes away.

“Wanna go play soccer with Jeongin? I’m tired of pretending not to be bored.” Felix tugs Jisung up and they leave the other adults behind.

Jisung is glad when they finally head home so he doesn’t have to keep pretending he’s not jealous.

…

He wraps his towel around his waist when he’s done in the shower. It’s too hot to even think about getting dressed in the steamy tiled bathroom. He’s already cracked open the small window in there but it doesn’t do much to help.

Jisung can already feel the sweat forming on his brow and upper lip, so he finishes getting ready for bed as quickly as possible and cracks open the door.

He pauses in the doorway to appreciate the slightly cooler air of the hallway on his flushed skin. Even though the entire second floor is still a heat trap and the cool night breeze is only just starting to filter in.

In the second he took to blink he hears a creak down the hall.

He turns to the sound and catches Minho staring right back, all the way at the end of the hall. Jisung can only see half of him; the doorway that separates the stairwell cutting off his shoulder, and he’s already a couple steps down the stairs.

But they’re caught right in each other’s line of sight.

Their gazes hold for a moment.

Minho’s eyes slowly scan down Jisung’s body.

He wants to cover himself but he’s frozen.

Minho raises his hand, two fingers folded in their signal for _“Are you going to sleep tonight?”_

Jisung nods and fumbles his fingers as he raises his hand in reply.

_“Yeah, I’m good.”_

Minho just nods back and his upper body disappears down the stairs.

When Jisung gets into his room he tugs on his shorts and t-shirt as quickly as possible and dives into bed.

“Why are you all red?” Hyunjin asks from across the room.

Jisung just grumbles at him and covers himself with the thin sheet.

“Okay then, whatever.” Hyunjin huffs and Jisung can hear him turn over to face the wall.

This was the second time he’d seen Minho stare at him like that.

Jisung’s skin felt like it was burning everywhere that Minho’s gaze had touched.

He rubs his hand over his stomach, the fabric of the shirt is soft under his warm palm.

He remembers that this is the t-shirt Minho gave him months ago. And that the last time he wore it was when he fell asleep in the other man’s bed and it smells faintly of his room at the back of the house. 

He covers himself with the sheet, despite the stuffiness of the warm room. And continues to ghosts his fingers under the hem of the shirt. His skin is hot to the touch.

Jisung squeezes his eyes shut.

His thoughts drift down a road he’s not sure he’s ready to follow yet. He stops his hand from sliding lower.

His mother’s voice yells awful things in the back of his head. He tries to focus on everything that proves her wrong.

...


	8. Flowers/Fair/First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some songs that I think about during “Minsung's Nights in the Car” scenes are Phobia (skz), 초월(Transcend) by BewhY ft. C JAMM, and Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! at the Disco.
> 
> 일상/Another Day (skz) is also a good song accompaniment to this story.

Jisung and Hyunjin are in the little ice cream parlor at the corner of the tiny main square in town.

They had come in on the usual weekend run with Chan, Changbin and Younghyun. And had quickly ditched them as soon as Chan parked the truck at the market, running off before Changbin could nag at them to stop and help.

The girl behind the little counter turns bright red when Hyunjin talks to her. He seems oblivious to the fact that her gaze hasn’t left his face since they walked in.

Jisung rolls his eyes.

She barely even acknowledges him standing there too.

“She liked you.” Jisung says when they’re back outside, the bell above the door jingling behind them.

“What?” Hyunjin’s already got a mouthful of strawberry ice cream.

“The girl, she was staring at you. She almost passed out when you smiled at her.”

Hyunjin just laughs.

“Really? Wow, I didn’t notice.”

He turns around and tries to get another look at the girl through the shop window. There’s another pair of teenagers in there now. And they can only see her profile as she bends over to scoop from the freezer.

“Hmm.” Hyunjin cocks his head, giving the girl one last once-over through the window before he starts walking away again. He doesn’t share his thoughts.

Jisung has to hurry to keep up with Hyunjin’s long legs.

They walk along the tiny main street, concentrated on eating their ice cream before it melts in the hot summer sun.

Jisung is too busy licking a drip of chocolate off his wrist to notice that Hyunjin has stopped in front of the intersection by the general store.

“Why’d you stop?”

“Come here for a minute, I want to show you something.”

Hyunjin leads him down the side street, it’s mostly entrances to the second floor apartments above the other shops. But a few places down there’s a collection of old wooden rocking chairs and window shutters laid out by the sidewalk.

A little hand painted sign in the window reads ‘ _Antiques’._

Jisung follows Hyunjin inside, there’s a fan blowing hot dusty air around the front of the jam-packed store. It’s a maze of tall shelves cluttered with books and figurines, and a narrow walkway through stacks of chairs and furniture.

“Don’t get ice cream on anything Hyunjin.” The voice makes Jisung jump. He didn’t even see the old man behind the counter when they came in, he blends in with the timeworn wood and clutter around him.

“I’m always careful! Mr. Park.” Hyunjin replies, shooting one of his most charming smiles. The man just sticks his nose back into his newspaper.

“Come on.” Hyunjin guides Jisung through the tiny maze of a store.

Its chaotic and Jisung’s head swivels trying to take in everything. His mother never really took him to places like this. They went to the thrift store sometimes when money was tight, but she always pretended to be a bit of a snob about second-hand things.

The two of them stop at a case of jewelry and just stare in awe at the way it sparkles under the display lights. Some of the pieces look really expensive.

“This is really cool.” Jisung straightens up, ice cream nearly forgotten and melting down the sides of the cone.

“Want to see my favourite thing in here?”

Hyunjin leads him even further back, past a pair of mannequins in old military uniforms. All around a door marked ‘ _private’_ on the back wall is a gallery of paintings and framed needlepoint.

“That one, that’s my favourite.” Hyunjin points up at a framed square of embroidered flowers.

“Really?” Jisung asks, standing on his tip-toes to get a better look. It’s small, barely stands out amongst the rest of the collection of bright coloured paint and gilded frames. But the more he looks at it the more details he can see in the stitching, the soft colours and gentle shapes start to bloom in his vision like real flowers. Jisung can imagine the sweet smell of the evening primrose, that grow in the field where he has spent so many nights.

“I know its lame… girly shit right?” Hyunjin looks slouched, a stark contrast to the confidence he had had earlier.

“It’s not lame,” Jisung whispers. There’s another fan back here, and his voice is barely louder than the whirl of the fan blades and papers ruffling on a bookshelf behind them.

“I like it too,” Jisung confesses,

“Really? You’re just being nice.”

“Since when am I nice to you.” Jisung jokes, Hyunjin is still slouched a little. Jisung has gotten used to seeing him a bit more vulnerable now that they are friends, but still he’s rarely insecure.

“I was being serious Hyunjin. It’s pretty.”

“Most guys don’t care about stuff like this. You don’t find it weird? That I like all this?” Hyunjin gestures up the wall of paintings and around the cluttered store.

“I like weird stuff too.” Jisung admits

“Oh yeah like what?”

“I like this stuff too. I’ve… I’ve always liked flowers,” Jisung lowers his voice, “Floral patterned fabric, flower shops— gosh when I was a kid I used to steal roses from this shop on the corner and hide them in my room.”

They laugh together. Hyunjin doesn’t know what train of thought those memories lead to in Jisung’s head.

“I like flowers too.” Hyunjin smiles. Then his face hardens in an expression of determination.

“I’m gonna buy it.”

“What? You are?”

“Yeah. Hey, Mr. Park!”

They leave the antique store with a paper package tucked under Hyunjin’s arm.

Jisung’s finally finished his ice cream but his hands feel sticky from holding Hyunjin’s cone while he dug out his cash.

“I was saving my allowance to buy something for Jeongin next time we go to the mall in the city, but I guess that’ll have to wait.”

“You said you’ve been looking at that for months,” Jisung points to the wrapped frame, “why not go for it sooner?”

“Well for one it doesn’t go with my rock band posters does it?”

Jisung shrugs.

“And, well, It’s just… it’s stupid. Isn’t it? It’s just a decoration, a really girly one at that. You know what it’s like to not want to show people that you like this type of thing. I was worried that the others would make fun of me. Call it ….” Hyunjin lowers his head.

“Call it what?”

“I don’t know, lame, stupid,… gay?”

Jisung clenches his jaw. He can see Hyunjin looking right at him in his periphery, trying to judge his reaction.

“Well you know some people in the house wouldn’t say shit like that.” Jisung says.

“Changbin and Felix?”

“And maybe others too.”

Hyunjin is about to respond when they hear the sharp honk of the pickup truck from across the street and Younghyun calls them over.

Jisung ducks his head and starts jogging towards them, it doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to catch up with his much longer stride.

“What’d you get Hyunjinnie?” Chan asks, stroking the boy’s hair when they reach the car.

“Something I’ve wanted for a while,” Hyunjin looks Jisung straight in the eyes, “I just finally got the courage to get it.”

The Fair:

Jisung is enjoying his new life, really, but he still gets very excited when he learns they’ll be getting a much deserved break from routine.

The August Fair, as Felix and Jeongin explain it to him in rapt detail, is the best part of summer. Felix seems to think it’s even better than Christmas, having spent his whole life going. Jeongin has only been once but he’s been excitedly waiting all year for it to come around again.

Having grown up in the city, Jisung has only been to something like this once. He has vague memories of his mother taking him to a circus one summer night and eating sweets in a red and white striped tent. It is one of the few pleasant childhood experiences left in his memories.

As soon as the calendar in the kitchen is flipped over to August, Felix starts counting down the days. (He seems to have no problem crossing off his doodle on Changbin’s birthday, more interested in the upcoming fair.)

And as it gets closer and closer, even the older guys start talking about it too.

One night, while sitting in the truck out in the moonlit field with Minho, Jisung asks a question that’s been on his mind all week.

“Whenever someone talks about the Fair you get quiet… why?”

Minho doesn’t say anything at first, leaning back against the door and purposely not meeting Jisung’s eyes. Jisung nudges Minho’s side with the toe of his boot, both their legs stretched out beside each other on the bench seat.

“I’ve never been.” Jisung barely hears Minho whisper it. Like it means more than it does.

“So? Neither have I.”

Minho laughs at that.

“Yeah well you’re still young, that shit gets you off. Past twenty-five it’s more of a headache.”

“What you’re too old to have fun? Lame.”

“I just have a different idea of fun.”

Minho wiggles his eyebrows. Jisung rolls his eyes.

“If you’ve never been then how can you know you wouldn’t have fun?”

“Because I enjoy having the house to myself when everyone goes out.” Minho relaxes into his seat, the orange tinged car light makes his skin look golden and warm.

“You never go to town either.” Jisung has never dared ask Minho about this before.

The only time he’s seen Minho leave the farm was to go to Changbin’s parents house. On their night drives they only ever stick to the road that runs alongside the fields, usually just going to the edge of the property line. Minho barely even drives much for a mechanic who supposedly loves cars.

He must have pushed too far, because Minho stays quiet for too long.

“No, no I don’t.”

Minho pulls his legs down off the seat, and starts up the truck. The cool night air hits Jisung’s side where Minho had been pressed against him.

“I’m sorry.” Jisung breaks the silence once they’ve parked outside the house.

“No need to be.” Minho shrugs.

They get out of the truck and enter through the back door, making their way slowly up the dark stairwell.

When they approach Minho’s door, Jisung grabs his arm in the shadows.

“Will you come with me? To the fair?” Jisung figures he has nothing to lose.

“Like a date?” Minho turns with a smirk. Then laughs when he sees Jisung’s shocked face.

He realizes he laughed too loud and covers his mouth, sending a glance down the hall towards the other bedrooms where everyone else is sleeping.

“I’m kidding.” He smiles when he lowers his hand away.

He slips into his room, without giving Jisung an answer.

Jisung doesn’t bring it up again.

So he’s surprised when on the day of the fair, sitting in the flatbed of the pick-up with an equally excited Hyunjin, Minho hops in.

“You’re coming?” Hyunjin yells over the sound of the engine starting up.

“Yeah, move over dipstick.” Minho sits down beside Hyunjin, legs bumping into Jisung’s across from him.

Jisung stares at him, mouth open.

Minho just blinks at him, and pulls his baseball cap on over his hair.

The first hour is a whirlwind of games and rides and fried food. Jisung is spun around the fairgrounds by Felix, Jeongin, Hyunjin and Seungmin. Jeongin gets cotton candy stuck in his teeth, Felix gets it stuck in his hair.

They all go on the carousel despite the dirty looks from parents; Seungmin is flopped over an elephant while Jisung sits up tall on a cheetah. Jeongin’s on a traditional horse, trying to stand up on its fake saddle, Hyunjin does his best to keep the kid seated so he doesn’t fall off and bust his head.

Jisung almost throws up after too many rounds on a spinning ride, but he can’t help but laugh through the nausea each time Felix screams.

They squeeze onto the tiny seats of the small ferris wheel, Jeongin has to sit on their laps to fit three in one carriage. He barely manages a good look at the fair below them when they reach the top. Jisung can hear Felix screaming again and looks down below them to see Seungmin happily rocking their car. When they finally touch back down on the ground Jisung feels his knees buckle a little. No more heights for him.

Jisung doesn’t even see the others until the sun has set and they’ve stopped at a table to share food.

Chan checks in with them, even slips Hyunjin and Jeongin some extra tickets.

It looks like the older guys have been drinking. From the way Chan’s cheeks are flushed and all four of them are a little louder than usual.

Jisung sees Changbin pull Felix away, into the sea of people and tents.

And then, as if he’d read his mind, there’s a hand on his arm pulling him up. 

He looks up at Minho, face half hidden under his cap.

He follows him, blushing, until they’re away from the crowded picnic tables and are side by side at the end of the midway.

The sky is black around the bright and colourful ring of the fair. But the fairgrounds only seem to be getting busier. It’s the most people Jisung has seen in one place since he left the city months ago. It’s a bit overwhelming for him; so far he’s been able to ignore the bit of discomfort the crowd stirs in him by focusing on his friends.

He turns to look at Minho, he’s glad that he’s here with him in this moment. A bubbling sort of excitement moves in his chest. It is just the two of them, everyone else around is just a blur. It always seems to come down to the two of them.

Jisung wants to push that hat off of his head, to see the carnival lights paint Minho’s face in gold, purple and red.

But he knows that for whatever reason, Minho is hiding.

He won’t ask why; he’ll take what he can get.

“Are you having fun?” Minho asks, their arms brush as they walk.

“Are you?” Jisung counters, and jumps ahead to walk backwards in front of him. Mostly to avoid doing something stupid… like grabbing Minho’s hand.

It wasn’t a date, that had just been Minho joking around ( _right_?).

Minho steers him so Jisung doesn’t run into anyone, and they end up at a stall selling churros, funnel cakes and caramel corn.

Its surprisingly fun to just walk around with Minho. To bravely brush powdered sugar off his mouth. To whisper in Minho’s ear when he sees Changbin and Felix hiding behind a carnival ride. It’s much calmer now that the sun has gone down, and now that he’s not being dragged around by the younger guys. But Minho is always calming… in some ways; as much as he still makes Jisung nervous the rest of the time.

They stop at a booth for Minho to throw darts at balloons. The man behind the booth heckles the two of them until they relent and hand over a dollar to play. Minho’s good at it, even drawing a crowd, and wins a prize. But it’s not like one of those teen movies, he doesn’t give his it to Jisung, instead he hands the stuffed pink dinosaur to Jeongin, who had spotted them from across the midway and dragged Hyunjin along to watch Minho’s victory. The kid gushes over the toy and how cool Minho was. Jisung can tell that Minho’s embarrassed at being the centre of attention, but proud to have impressed them.

Minho grabs Jisung’s wrist and they sneak away. Further into the crowd but alone again.

When he lets go, Jisung reaches for his hand.

They don’t say anything. And it only lasts a few minutes before Jisung gets nervous and pulls away.

But Jisung’s fingers still buzz where they had been gripped by Minho’s. Skin tingling and palms sweaty.

They stay together the rest of the time, until Chan and Younghyun go around gathering everyone up.

Still, they stand close together by the truck, the first to be rounded up and left alone for a few moments before the others start to appear. Their shoulders stay pressed together until a blushing Changbin and Felix finally show up, trailing behind Chan who had been searching for them all around the fairgrounds. Jisung smirks at them, Felix sticks out his tongue, and maybe whispers something in retaliation in his ear that makes him blush too before he can jump into the flatbed.

It’s weird, Jisung thinks as the truck moves through the summer night air, that it suddenly feels more real.

When Felix knows about his crush on Minho.

That he’s now admitting he has a crush on Minho.

That he might have just gone on a date with Minho.

And that Minho had held his hand. A man as reserved and masculine as Minho had held Jisung’s hand in a crowded fair and Jisung had loved it.

They’re both in the flatbed of the truck again, this time Seungmin is with them and Hyunjin. Jeongin had fallen asleep sprawled over the back seat and no one had been brave enough to wake him.

It makes it a tighter fit, no one trusting the tailgate enough to sit at the back end of the flatbed.

His legs are tangled with Minho’s in the dark, close enough that he can feel the slim space between their shoulders, even though Jisung is leaning away into the breeze.

Jisung has spent the last year understanding that he’s queer. But still struggles to admit it to himself. To admit that its okay.

And it will still take some time for him to admit that he’s falling in love.

…

The thing about knowing for sure that there is something between them, is that Jisung can’t stop thinking about it.

Whenever he looks at Minho he feels something inside of him tense up. It exists in the middle of his chest, the pit of his stomach, in his throat and sometimes it sends shivers down to his fingers and toes.

It’s the feeling from the bathroom when Minho cut his hair, or from taking his photo in the wheat fields or sharing a popsicle on the porch.

During meals at the big dining room table he can’t help but find himself look at Minho across from him and can’t help that the feeling bubbles up, and he finds himself blushing in a room full of people, thinking about the times it was just the two of them.

And it’s often just the two of them. Jisung feels like he can barely breathe when they’re together, and yet it’s often such a relief from constantly thinking about it.

Minho pulls the car into the driveway. The porch light bright against the dark house and glowing dimly against their skin through the windshield. They had fallen into silence even before Minho slipped his legs off the seat and started the car to drive them back from the field; a comfortable silence this time.

Jisung was tired, so tired that he knew he would be sleeping through the rest of the night as soon as he got up to bed.

He’s already been slouched with his head leaned back against the back of the seat. So when Minho leans over to shake his knee, he lets his body fall to the side, and presses his cheek into Minho’s shoulder.

His flannel shirt is soft under Jisung’s skin.

Minho doesn’t let go of his knee, and shifts closer gracefully so Jisung’s arm is against his side.

They sit for a few minutes like that.

Jisung wants to take his hand, like he did at the fair. His fingers twitch but he doesn’t reach out.

Minho’s hand moves down his thigh. Fingers spread over the denim and burning through to scorch Jisung’s skin underneath. Jisung doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath.

Then Minho’s slowly pulling away and opening the car door. Leaving Jisung, heart pounding under his ribs, to come out a step behind him.

First:

**It made sense, that they would kiss for the first time in the shadows of the back staircase.**

Unlike the first time they met, Jisung was going up and Minho was coming down. Going through their own routines on an average evening.

Minho put his hand on Jisung’s shoulder as he made to pass him in the narrow space. It was normal, friendly. But the blockade Jisung had tentatively propped up in his mind fell down at that particular touch.

His hand reached out for Minho’s shirt and tugged him forward. Minho managed to catch his hand on the wall.

There was a moment where they just stared at each other, standing on the same narrow step, before Jisung stretched up and brushed their lips together.

It was soft and chaste and Jisung regretted it almost as soon as he did it.

“Jisung” Minho’s tone was warning, still it was barely a sigh in the slim space between them. It was the first time he had called him just by his first name.

But Jisung didn’t have to worry about it, because Minho leaned in and kissed him back.

It was slow, lips pressing against lips, but their hands were gripping tight to each other’s arms, bodies pressed deep into the shadowed corner.

When they parted, Jisung searched Minho’s eyes for an answer to a question he was too scared to ask.

Minho took a step back, down onto the stair below so they were no longer level, and Jisung’s hands slipped from Minho’s arms to hang uselessly at his sides.

Jisung felt small, even with Minho a step lower than him. His body tingled and burned from his lips down to his fingertips. And he couldn’t look away from Minho’s big brown eyes.

He was nervous, a little bit confused, and most of all hopeful that he hadn’t ruined everything. He didn’t think he’d be able to talk his way out of this.

“Will you come to my room tonight?” Minho asked, voice softer than usual.

Jisung opened his mouth but Minho cut him off.

“You don’t have to answer, just – be in there when I come back up… if you want to.”

And he turned before Jisung could say anything, down the stairs. Leaving Jisung lips still tingling, and still leaning against the wall.

Minho pushed his door closed with his hip, laundry basket in his hands. He set it down on top of the dresser and started sorting his clothes like Jisung wasn’t sitting on the edge of his bed, feet together and rubbing his arm awkwardly.

Minho put away his laundry, not even looking at him. Jisung briefly wondered if Minho had even noticed him sitting there. If he had just expected Jisung not to show up; to have run away instead.

But he knew he was there. Jisung could feel the thickness of the tension between them. It was an exciting sort of tension, he hoped his heart would make it through it.

Slowly the basket emptied. Minho’s few clothes were folded away into his small dresser, and he had to face Jisung sitting there waiting for him.

“You kissed me.” He whispered, his hands gripping the corners of the dresser and head down.

“You kissed me back.” Jisung said from the bed, throat tight.

“I did.” Minho finally looked at him.

And then they were kissing again.

Minho is pushing him down onto the bed before Jisung can reach up and tangle his fingers in the front of his shirt, pressing him into the mattress. Jisung pulls his hands out from between their bodies and cups Minho’s face.

This is the first time kissing someone has felt like this. No one has ever kissed him like this. All he can feel is wet press of their lips and Minho’s knee between his thighs, the rest of his body seems to be simultaneously melding into Minho’s and floating in the clouds.

Minho pulls back so Jisung follows, hovering over him, and he tugs Jisung’s leg to straddle his hips.

His hand caresses up the back of Jisung’s thigh, over his ass and down the side of his waist. Jisung blushes, looking down at him with his forearms on Minho’s shoulders, having only dared to touch his cheeks and jaw.

He tries to move his fingers down to the neck of Minho’s t-shirt, dipping in and along his collar bone, to explore what little skin he can see. But as quickly as he rolled them over; Minho’s pushing himself up, gripping tight to Jisung’s waist to keep him sitting on his lap when he moves and then kissing him again to distract him. Jisung’s dizzy with the emphatic way Minho shifts them around, blindly following his every direction.

When Jisung’s eyes flutter open again, Minho is taking off his shirt and pulling him back down, his skin is pale in the low light. Jisung supports himself with his hands against Minho’s bare chest, looking down at his lidded eyes through his bangs. Minho’s lips are puffed and red, his whole body relaxed under Jisung and completely open to him for once.

There’s a long white scar across his front, just under his ribs. Jisung traces it with his fingertips. He knows that Minho expects him to ask about it, that’s exactly why he doesn’t; why he flattens his hand against Minho’s chest and drags it down his body to his waistband, then back up. He wanders across Minho’s abdomen, over his shoulder and down his arm. He gives his biceps a squeeze, because he can, and this makes Minho huff out a quiet laugh.

Jisung raises his eyes to meet Minho’s. He sees something in them; they make him feel the same way he felt when they were alone in the bathroom during his haircut. So intimate and vulnerable. Minho reaches up and pulls Jisung down by the chin to kiss him.

It hurts, not with pain but with the overload of emotion. Minho’s kiss makes Jisung feel tingles in each of his fingers, up his spine and across his hip bones. His tongue makes Jisung feel nervous and yet electrified. Although Jisung has been _excited_ since Minho pushed him down onto the bed.

He kisses back as best as he can, trying to convey every inch of this feeling back to Minho.

Tugging at Jisung’s zipper and pushing his jeans down, Minho’s hands brush up his bare legs sending a new wave of shivers up Jisung’s body from his touch. He wants to make Minho feel this too, to pull moans from his lips to match the one’s Jisung can’t bite back.

As soon as Jisung dips his hands under the waistband of Minho’s pants he gets flipped back over, hips pressed into the mattress by Minho’s.

The deep hum Minho makes to accompany each press of his lips to Jisung’s skin only tightens Jisung’s pounding heart. It burns him up, his cheeks and ears red, Minho’s mouth making him tense up and melt at the same time. He feels desired; the sound against his throat and the persistent touch of his lips affirming his lust.

Minho is underneath him but it is obvious that he is in control.

Jisung likes it, he’s relieved even.

He recognizes in this moment that he would do anything Minho asked, that he would follow him anywhere, even straight into the mouth of hell. It makes his throat feel tight again.

Jisung is overwhelmed by the realization that he is desperately, hopelessly, pathetically in love. ~~~~

This is what makes him bury his face into the juncture of Minho’s neck and shoulder, and rock his hips faster into Minho’s hand. Minho has them sliding against each other, Jisung sitting in his lap, and brings his other hand to grab at Jisung’s ass and control his pace, squeezing each time Jisung gasps into his skin. 

Jisung would be embarrassed at how quickly he cums except for the impassioned way Minho takes over and shapes Jisung around him to be able to press himself between his thighs while Jisung is still dizzy with the aftershocks. He awakens from the daze just in time to focus on Minho’s face when he releases onto Jisung’s legs, swearing under his breath and looking straight into Jisung’s eyes.

 ~~Jisung stares up at him like he is the world~~.

Minho pulls him into a kiss, murmurs lost words into his skin as they catch their breath tangled together on top of the sheets.

Jisung thinks he could spend eternity with Minho’s lips against his skin.

“I’ve wanted you for so long.” Minho whispers against Jisung’s jaw. Hand holding onto Jisung’s bare hip.

“You have me.”

Jisung felt his support slip out from under him, the change from a solid body to the flat mattress and sheets was enough to wake him.

Minho was slipping out of bed and Jisung instinctively reached out to catch him. He was awake enough to see that it was still dark outside the room.

“I have to go out to the barn Jisung.” Minho’s voice was low and raspy, his fingers rough where he nudged Jisung’s grip away.

“It’s not dawn yet.” Jisung mumbled, still trying to catch a piece of Minho’s shirt to hold onto.

“This is when I usually wake up”

“Too early for me.” Jisung grumbles, but gives up and rolls over onto his other side.

The voice in the back of his head is loud in his semi-conscious state. Of course Minho wouldn’t want to cuddle him the morning after, he’s probably not that type of guy.

But Minho’s rough fingers hesitantly caress Jisung’s shoulder before he pulls away.

Jisung falls back asleep to the sound of Minho getting dressed.

Jisung wakes again later, when there is light coming in through the plain curtains and he’s being pulled out from his curled up ball under the sheets.

“Hey” comes the low whisper in his ear, Jisung presses back into it, grabbing the arm that curls around his middle. He smells a familiar faint trace of smoke.

“It’s time for breakfast.” Minho’s whisper makes Jisung shiver, and he turns towards him, opens his eyes and catches Minho’s lips on his cheek.

“You came back?” Jisung croaks out, voice thick.

“Of course.” Minho tugs him closer for a second, “It’s my room.” Then keeps pulling until Jisung is off the bed and putting his weight on Minho’s body instead.

“You’re an asshole.” Jisung whispers against Minho’s jaw. His stubble scratches against Jisung’s lips in a way that wakes him up completely. _This is real._

“Don’t be a child, come on.” But Minho isn’t releasing his grip on Jisung, or trying very hard to get up.

Jisung lets himself lean into him, just for one last moment.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......


	9. Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not happy with this chapter, but I'm posting it anyway because I've taken too long. I might still go back and edit it later.  
> Comments are always appreciated!

Jisung isn’t really avoiding Minho. He just happens to find things to do on the opposite side of the farm, wherever Minho isn’t, all day.

After Minho had pulled Jisung out of bed this morning, Jisung had to return to reality. Reality being that his roommates were probably going to question why his bed wasn’t slept in. And also that he didn’t have time to shower before he was expected downstairs.

(He could faintly remember Minho attempting to wipe off his thighs with the bedsheet before they both fell asleep tangled together last night.)

So Jisung had to do the walk of shame back to his room, dodge Hyunjin’s innocent “Hey, you weren’t in bed this morning, couldn’t sleep again?” with a grumbled lie. And then spent the most awkward family breakfast of his life trying not to think about the night before. It was extra difficult to do when Minho was sat right beside him at the table.

He had to just sit there and act like nothing had changed between them. Maybe nothing should.

It was almost worse now than it had been when Jisung just had a crush. This was beyond butterflies; he was a nervous wreck, and could barely eat with the nerves tightening in his stomach.

All he could think about was the way Minho’s lips and hands had felt on him last night. And how much he had wanted that, even if he had tried to repress that desire for so long. And he didn’t think actually fulfilling that fantasy had helped ease the craving at all.

So he tried to keep his distance for the sake of his own sanity.

Until Minho finally cornered him in the garage late in the afternoon.

“You’re avoiding me.”

He was standing right between Jisung and the door, arms crossed and not looking very happy.

“No I’m not.”

Minho just raised an eyebrow at him.

Jisung backed up, hoping to get away from having this conversation, but his tailbone hit the workbench and there was nowhere left to go.

“We can’t just have sex and then pretend nothing happened. Not here; where we have to live and work together.” Minho groaned out, coming closer so he could lower his voice.

Jisung blushed under Minho’s gaze; his eyebrows were drawn down, his sharp features hardened. Even frowning he was gorgeous. Jisung wanted to trace every plane of his face. But he was frozen in place.

“Are you scared?” Minho relaxed his arms, obviously not wanting to intimidate him anymore.

Jisung didn’t know how to answer. He was terrified, but he didn’t know if it was of Minho, the others, or of himself.

“Was that your first time with a man?” Minho’s voice softened.

That, Jisung did have the answer to. He nodded.

“Do you want to stop this then? What’s happening between us.”

He shook his head. He didn’t think he could stop himself from wanting Minho even if he needed to.

Minho stepped forward, so close that Jisung’s body prickled with longing. The space between them suddenly too much.

He paused, brushing his fingers down the sides of Jisung’s jeans.

He lifted Jisung up onto the workbench, with his hands under his thighs, like he weighed nothing. And fit himself between Jisung’s knees, tugging him to the edge of the bench so their hips fit flush.

“I don’t want to stop either.” Minho whispered against Jisung’s lips.

“Then don’t.” Jisung pleaded, hands curling into Minho’s t-shirt.

Minho kissed him. At first rough, with one hand gripping tight to Jisung’s thigh.

And then softer, which ruined Jisung even more. The softer kiss was just as deep and dizzying. It felt like Minho was tugging at every one of Jisung’s heartstrings, leaving him breathless and panting against Minho’s cheek.

The hand on his thigh squeezed again.

“We should go.”

He pulled away after one last deep kiss and a swipe of his tongue against the seam of Jisung’s lips.

Jisung nodded in agreement, but pulled Minho back in for another kiss anyway, quick light presses of their lips together until Minho drew back again.

“Someone might come looking—”

Jisung wrapped his arms around him before he could step away, burying his face in Minho’s shoulder and holding him in a tight hug.

“Hey, what’s wrong.” Minho slipped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer, and stroked his hair with his other hand.

“Nothing.” He mumbled against Minho’s collar.

Minho pressed a kiss to the side of Jisung’s head, somehow the chaste gesture felt even more electrifying than making out.

“Why do you suddenly get so shy with me?”

Jisung squeezed his eyes shut, tightening his arms around Minho’s waist.

“Because you’re you.”

“Because I’m me? What d—”

The garage door started to rattle and Jisung pulled back, breaking their moment.

“Fuck, can’t go five minutes around here without someone walking in on you.” Minho grumbled, reluctantly loosening his arm from around Jisung’s waist and turning towards the door. Which was now rolling up and letting in the too-bright evening sun.

“I’ll see you tonight.” Minho said to Jisung before going to help Chan with the door.

Jisung snuck out past them when Chan got back in the tractor to drive it into the garage, and ran back to the house.

The grease on the seat of his pants from sitting on the workbench was the only evidence of their meeting.

…

That night Minho took Jisung’s hand, on the landing outside his door, and led him out to the truck.

Jisung couldn’t help but smile the entire short ride out to the back field, with Minho’s free hand on his thigh the whole time.

Still he was feeling shy when Minho parked in the field and leaned over to kiss him.

“Is this alright?” Minho asked, noticing Jisung’s hesitation.

“Yeah it’s just… how are you so good at this?”

“Good at what?” Minho laughed.

“This,” Jisung gestured at the space between them, “Acting like this is normal. Like us kissing each other is no big deal. How many— have you been with a lot of guys?” His voice trailed off to a whisper, curling his shoulders in in embarrassment.

“I’ve been with a few, yeah.”

 _Great no pressure to live up to whoever they are,_ Jisung thought.

“So it’s not a big deal to you? When did you know you were… you know?”

Minho leaned his side into the leather seat, arm coming up to rest on the back so he could run his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know… I think I denied it for a long time. I tried to make it work with girls, mostly to get my mom off my back when I visited, but also because I was more comfortable trying relationships with them than with other guys.”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Can you like girls and boys?”

Minho stopped and blinked at him.

“You’re really innocent aren’t you?”

“I am not.” Jisung huffed.

“Please,” he laughed “you were too shy to even touch my dick last night.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Jisung shoved Minho’s shoulder, he just laughed back.

“It’s okay if you’re shy. It’s cute.”

“Cute?”

“Yes cute.” Minho tugged Jisung towards him, ducking down to place a kiss on his soft cheek.

Jisung blushed. When Minho did things like that it was somehow made the tightness in his chest worse.

“Han— _Jisung_ I’m not—”

Minho sighed and stroked a hand down Jisung’s back, Jisung was practically curled into Minho’s chest again.

“I want you to know…I don’t do things without emotions, I know I don’t always show people how I feel but I’m not that type of guy.”

Jisung turns his head, cheek pressed against Minho’s shoulder and looking up at the side of his face. Minho rarely stumbled over his words like he was doing now.

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean, “Minho was looking anywhere but at him, his ears were red, “I’m not the type of guy who only wants to have sex and not… not more.

“More than just sex?” Jisung had lifted himself up, hand on resting on Minho’s thigh, hoping to catch his gaze.

“Yeah. When you kissed me yesterday… I didn’t want you to do it if you were just experimenting. If you just wanted to play with me and then go back to normal.”

Minho finally met Jisung’s eyes, hand coming up to Jisung’s face to rub his thumb across Jisung’s cheekbone.

“Because I’m way past the point of turning back.”

Jisung fluttered his eyes at the soft touch, but he didn’t want to miss looking at Minho like this.

“You’re so beautiful. Sometimes I can’t take my eyes off you.” Minho whispered, staring at him through his lashes.

Jisung eyes went wide, throat tight and sure he misheard him.

“I told you last night that I always wanted you.” Minho whispered against Jisung’s lips.

“I don’t know how you just walked in and made me fall for you but you did.”

Jisung’s heart clenched under his ribs at that and he couldn’t help but let the words spill from his lips.

“I meant it when I said you have me; you can have all of me.”

He covered Minho’s lips with his own and clutched the hem of his shirt like he’d slip away if he didn’t hold on.

Minho kissed him back, one gentle hand cupped under his cheek and the other opening Jisung’s legs so he could fit between them.

He pulled back with a gasp, Jisung’s lips stayed against his skin and trailed down.

“God, we barley know each other. Honestly I don’t even know how old you are.” His breathing got heavier when Jisung pressed a kiss against his jaw.

“I’m nineteen.” Jisung said against his skin.

“I’m thirty-one.”

“Oh.” His lips stilled on his neck.

Minho pulled back and met Jisung’s eyes with a soft smile.

“Did you just do the math?”

“Yeah…I knew you were fucking old.”

“Brat.”

Minho kissed away Jisung’s smirk, pushing into him until they fell back onto the seat. Jisung’s hands tangled in Minho’s hair, keeping him so close that Minho’s weight pressed him into the worn leather under them.

“Have you ever fucked in a car?” Jisung asks, when he has to stop and catch his breath.

“I used to be an auto-mechanic what do you think?” Minho laughed, hovering over him. “Why? Are you expecting something to happen here right now?”

Jisung stopped trailing his fingers up Minho’s bare arms and looked up at him with furrowed brows.

“You’re the one who’s hard.”

Minho ignores him and pushes himself off Jisung’s body, smiling at Jisung’s increasingly confused expression.

“We should get you back. Probably a good idea for you to sleep in your own bed tonight.”

“Um, what is happening?”

Jisung finally pushed himself up when Minho tugged on his jacket and started up the engine, seemingly ignoring the obvious bulge in his jeans.

“I’m gonna take you home, so I can get a full hour of you naked in my bed before you have to leave me, Cinderella.”

Jisung doesn’t feel as shy about touching him with Minho directing him and growling against his neck. He still tries to curl in on himself when Minho tugs off their clothes, completely naked and vulnerable, but relaxes when Minho whispers praise against the shell of his ear.

Minho’s breath hitches when Jisung does something right, encouraging him and guiding him. He also seems to love when Jisung squeezes the muscles of his bare thighs while they kiss after he cums.

“Your turn.” He pulls back and pushes Jisung to the bed.

“Put your hand over your mouth for me baby,” Minho covers Jisung’s lips with his hand to demonstrate, pulling it back when Jisung teasingly licks his palm.

“Why?” He asks with a cheeky grin.

Minho grips tight to Jisung’s hips and ducks down between his legs.

“Why do you think?”

“oH.” Jisung claps his hand to his mouth a second too late to muffle the noise that slips past his lips.

“Is there anything you’re not good at?!” Jisung gasps, when his legs stop shaking and he gathers enough strength to lift his head off of Minho’s pillow.

“I don’t know; I was never great at baseball, liked 3rd base too much.” Minho smirks, leaving a kiss on Jisung’s inner thigh. His lips are swollen and wet. Jisung barely hears him, focused on how absolutely gorgeous Minho looks kneeling between his legs.

“What the fuck does that mean? Shut up and kiss me goodnight dickhead.”

Minho laughs against Jisung’s lips.

…

They’re lying in the long grass behind the crop fields. Hidden away and out of sight of the farmhouse.

It’s not as warm today, and the cooler air makes Jisung want to fall asleep on Minho’s chest. Especially when Minho’s shirt is so soft under his cheek and he can feel up the firm muscles under his hand.

They hadn’t even done anything more than kiss, yet Jisung felt so satiated being alone out here with him.

“Chan’s gonna start looking for us soon.” Jisung heard the words rumble in Minho’s chest more than he heard them from his lips. Sometimes Minho’s voice got so soft Jisung couldn’t hear him unless he was as close as possible. Minho probably did it on purpose, so he could kiss the shell of Jisung’s ear and down his jaw when Jisung leaned in. He liked tracing the goosebumps that he caused on Jisung’s skin afterwards too.

“Yeah.” He sighed against Minho’s ribs, he didn’t want to get up. Didn’t want to break this bubble where only the two of them existed.

“You know. I don’t mind if we tell them.”

Jisung shot his head up.

“What?”

“I know sneaking around is pretty hot, but also, no one gives a fuck. Changbin and Felix tried to hide their… thing, and it just made it worse when they were caught in the act. I don’t care if they know I’m with you, at least then they’d know to leave us alone sometimes.”

Jisung is a little surprised. They hadn’t really talked about it, just both started hiding from the others. He had also just assumed Minho would want to keep this private too, just like everything else about himself.

“I just…”

“Jisung?”

“I don’t think I’m ready.”

Jisung hung his head and traced a pattern across Minho’s chest to avoid meeting his eyes. He can feel the slight line of Minho’s scar through the thin fabric.

“Why?” Minho whispered, lifting himself onto his elbows and forcing Jisung to sit up too.

“I don’t mind, I just… I thought you might want to.”

“I’m not ready to go through it again.”

“Go through what again baby?” Minho placed his hand on Jisung’s thigh, keeping him at his side.

“My mom… My mom had this floral dress… she always looked so pretty in it...”

“What does that have to do with anything—?”

“Just let me—” Jisung sighed and Minho squeezed his thigh in reassurance.

“Sorry, I’m listening.”

“I used to put it on, when no one was home. I just… liked it. But one day my step-dad came home early and caught me… it wasn’t good.”

“Oh.”

“He always terrorized me about being a sissy and that was kind of the breaking point with him. She kicked him out eventually, by the way, months later, when we had long decided to forget the dress thing had ever happened.

“But then… I thought I could pretend too. I thought I could do my best to be what they expected me to be. Because there were other things to distract both of us and we could really just push it to the back of our minds.

“I’d just been sort of floating since I graduated from high school. I got a couple little jobs around the neighborhood but nowhere I could stay long. I don’t really have any skills; I don’t have money to go to university or college. It was just a matter of time before she kicked me out for being a lazy piece of shit.”

“So she didn’t kick you out for being gay?”

“No it was about that too. That was the catalyst.

She found my notebook. My stupid little diary. With stupid little poems and lyrics and stories. And of course… I thought I could just write down all my feelings and keep it hidden from everyone. That no one would ever see the pages I filled with questions about… being gay.

But she found it, and she saw everything. And she was disgusted. That’s why she really kicked me out. Because she hated the thought of it. She hated me for being—”

Jisung’s voice choked off and he turned away from Minho. Twisting the grass beneath him into his fists to keep from screaming.

“She said the same things everyone else had always said. She never defended me when her boyfriend told me I would never be man enough because she felt the same way. Because he was right. They were all right.”

“No they weren’t.”

Minho pulled Jisung’s hands towards him, uncurling his tight fists.

“That guy thought he was more of a man than you just because you were smaller than him. That doesn’t make him a man, he was a coward that bullied a child.

What you think Chan’s a good man because he’s big and strong? No, it’s because he took all of us fuck-up strays in and gave us a home. It’s because he took in Jeongin and Hyunjin without question so they wouldn’t be separated in foster care. It’s because he took the two of us in without prying into our pasts.”

Minho tilted Jisung’s face up with a gentle hand under his chin.

“I’m not going think you’re any less of a man because you’re small and shy and like girly things, Jisung. You don’t have to change.”

It was times like this that Jisung didn’t believe Minho was real. That he would wake up and find that this was all a dream. Because Minho always said the right things and it made Jisung fall even more in love with him.

“And you can trust the others. At least with this you can trust them; trust Chan. He is never going to kick you out. You’re family now.”

Jisung rubbed his palm over his eyes to wipe away the tears before they fell. Minho took his hand and held it against his own chest.

“And you can cry if you need to. I won’t think any less of you for that either.” He whispered and kissed away the tears as they rolled down Jisung’s cheeks.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Yeah.” Jisung sighed, relaxing against Minho now that he’d gotten out all his emotions.

“Jisung… have you ever… When you would put on that dress, did you want to be a woman?”

“What?”

“Did you ever wish you were a girl not a boy?”

Jisung has to take a while to process that.

“No I— I don’t think so. It wasn’t about that, it was about… there were all these beautiful things… and I wasn’t allowed to go near any of them. I wasn’t allowed to like flowers and clothes. I wasn’t allowed to be small and pretty. I was supposed to be strong and tough and indifferent and for some reason I wasn’t.”

He tilts his head to look up at Minho as the older man cards his fingers through Jisung’s hair.

“That’s okay I just wanted to know. Because not every gay man wants to wear girly clothes or be feminine. Being gay doesn’t make you more like a woman. I like you for the man you are but also I want you to know that you can just be yourself, whoever that is. You don’t need to hide things.”

“You’re one to talk.” Jisung huffed, wiping the last traces of tears from his face.

“I know; I know believe me.” Minho leaned in until their foreheads rested together and all Jisung could see were those big sparkly brown eyes that were so distracting.

“One day I’ll be as brave as you.”

“And you’ll tell me about yourself?”

“Yes Han. Someday I’ll tell you everything.”

...


	10. Interlude: Knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bonus chapter, the next update may take a bit longer than usual.

Changbin was usually very good at controlling his feelings. More specifically he was used to controlling his actions around the other men in the house, especially Chan, when it came to affections for Felix. Living with your lover’s older brother was terrifying. But Changbin and Chan had also discussed the need for restraint with Jeongin, the other younger guys, and the occasional guest around the farm.

So Changbin was very good at controlling his feelings for Felix when they weren’t in the privacy of their bedroom.

Today Changbin had entered the kitchen for lunch a little later than usual, having had to deal with a problem in the barn. When he walked in the back door; Felix, Hyunjin and Younghyun were already cleaning up.

“I saved a sandwich for you Changbin; on the table.” Younghyun, moved aside so Changbin could wash his hands before Younghyun started washing up the dishes.

“There’s also— oh shit, never mind.” Hyunjin had knocked over the cookie jar and pieces of cookie were scattered around the kitchen table. He looked up sheepishly at Felix.

“They weren’t that good anyway, I added too much butter.” Felix sighed, but looked rather forlorn at the bits of cookie he started picking up.

“They were fine Lix.” Changbin assured him.

“Thanks Binnie.”

Changbin stepped around them and sat at the other side of the table and shoveled in his sandwich. Felix and Hyunjin had gone to the closet to find a broom.

Changbin took a gulp of water and leaned back in his chair when he was finished. He was just about to pick up the discarded morning newspaper that had been left out, when the table moved. He could see Hyunjin’s gangly legs sticking out from the other side and ducked lower to see what they were doing.

Felix was on his hands and knees, near Changbin’s feet, sweeping crumbs into a dustpan. Feeling eyes on him, he lifted his head to see Changbin watching him.

“Hi.” Felix laughed, and swatted at Changbin’s knee.

He swept up the last bit of mess and met Changbin’s steady gaze as he backed out from under the table.

Changbin was usually very good at controlling his desires. However today he had to get up, grab Felix by the elbow and half-drag-half-push him upstairs.

“What the fuck Bin?” Felix hissed on the way up the stairs.

Changbin kept pulling until they were in their room and the door was shut behind them.

He turned to a confused Felix, still standing just inside the closed door, and backed up until he was sat on the edge of the bed.

“Get on your knees.”

“What?” Felix wasn’t sure what he had expected. He laughed, mostly amused when he realized what was going on.

“Please.” Changbin whined, and started undoing his belt.

He realized Changbin was completely serious.

Felix dropped to his knees and put his hands on Changbin’s thighs.

“Okay, I get it but why all of a sudden?” Felix looked over at the closed door.

“Shhh, just look at me.” Changbin had pulled himself out, pants pushed down a little on his thighs and now used his free hand to cup the side of Felix’s face.

Felix waited patiently, looked Changbin in the eye. He had tried to look back down at his crotch but Changbin’s hand under his jaw directed him back.

“I don’t know why you looked so good under that table. Am I crazy?” Changbin stroked himself, pushing Felix’s reaching hand to stay at his knee.

“Yes, probably.” Felix smirked.

“Shut up.” But Changbin laughed a little. And soon Felix played up his position on the floor and just watched Changbin watch him; staring up through his lashes, licking his bottom lip, and pressing his cheek to Changbin’s knee.

Changbin’s gaze was unwavering, eyebrows furrowed with concentration on Felix’s face.

Felix moved his hand up his thigh again, and this time Changbin didn’t slap it away. He flattened it against the hem of Changbin’s shirt and pushed it up, thumb tracing the line of hair up to his bellybutton, pressing in to his chubbier stomach.

Changbin moaned his name, brining Felix’s attention back up to his face, still just watching him.

“I’m surprised you don’t want me to help.” Felix grinned, flicking his eyes down to Changbin’s quickly jerking hand.

“Believe me you’re helping.” Changbin grunted back.

But Felix reached out again and he wasn’t stopped from wrapping his hand around Changbin’s, following his motions up and down.

Felix leaned in between Changbin’s legs and hovered his mouth over him. He opened up just enough to wrap his lips around Changbin’s cock before he released.

Felix swallowed, and Changbin wiped the rest from his chin with a gentle hand before falling back onto the bed.

Felix took over and felt his way up Changbin’s clothed thighs before climbing over him and pressing kisses into Changbin’s soft belly.

He really didn’t mind that Changbin’s body wasn’t as slim as it used to be. He actually enjoyed the slight give under his lips and hands. Changbin had been unnecessarily self-conscious about it a couple months ago, comparing himself to Felix’s flat stomach. But Felix did his best to prove how much he still loved his body. And right now Changbin seemed comfortable; judging by the contented little noises that followed each press of Felix’s lips on his stomach.

Then there was a knock on the door, startling Changbin upright.

“Guys Chan’s looking for you, you better put some clothes on!” It was Hyunjin.

“Shut up, our clothes are on!” Changbin snapped back, already pushing Felix off the bed and scrambling up himself.

“Uh Binnie?”

“What?”

Changbin took his hand off the doorknob and turned back to Felix. Felix gave a pointed look at Changbin’s crotch. He looked down.

“Oh shit.” And tucked himself back in his pants.

“Okay now our clothes are on!”

“I’m getting too old for this.” Changbin grumbles when they’re trudging back downstairs.

“For me?”

“God no baby! I’ll still love you even when you’re wheeling me around a nursing home! That’s not what I meant!”

Hyunjin laughs at them when they come down to the kitchen still arguing.

Chan just shakes his head and tries to ignore how disheveled they both are.

“Why do I put up with all of you again?”

“Because you love us!”

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be gross but Changbin’s so hot and thick... I want him to run me over with a truck.


	11. End of Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of information and emotions, here's your reminder that this story is rated M.
> 
> This is also the chapter I did the most research for, but despite having written a lot of it months ago I had a lot to edit, so hopefully it all makes sense.
> 
> There's only a couple chapters left after this.

Minho and Changbin have taken over the entire kitchen to preserve the last of the summer produce.

Chan tells Jisung that this is a yearly ritual, and that for the first couple of years Changbin’s mom would come help, until she got her son trained well enough to take over. Minho got roped into it as well, as one of the more kitchen-competent of the lot. (Jisung had burned water _once_ and was banned from cooking without at least two adults supervising for life. How was he supposed to know water could _burn_? _)_

Unfortunately, this leaves Jisung to do his best to make up for the everyday work those two normally do around the farm.

It’s a lot.

He gets exhausted by mid-day and gains new respect for their team. Now he knows why Chan says he would be lost without them.

The kitchen is warm and muggy when Jisung steps in, a big pot of water steaming away on the stove, and every surface covered in jars and cookware.

Minho and Changbin have their backs turned to him, working hard at the counter on either side of the sink.

Jisung can’t help running his eyes over Minho’s back; he’s not as beefy as Changbin, but from here he can see the broadness of his shoulders under his t-shirt and the way his jeans fit tight to his thighs. Even though Jisung has now seen those muscles under his bare skin, he still gets chills from just seeing just the outline of his body. Minho is undeniably hot, and it will never not affect him.

Jisung impulsively comes up behind Minho, puts his hands on his hips and hooks his chin over his shoulder.

He should care that Changbin is right there… but its Changbin, he’s one to talk. Jisung has caught a few too many intimate encounters between Changbin and Felix when they thought they were being sneaky.

Jisung focuses on the plums on Minho’s cutting board and doesn’t check to see if Changbin is looking. Minho gives him a bit of a look over his shoulder but says nothing when Jisung boldly wraps his arms around Minho’s middle. If he had a problem with it, he surely wouldn’t hesitate to shake Jisung off.

Minho holds up a slice of plum, overripe and juicy. Jisung takes it from Minho’s fingers with his teeth. He should be sick of fruit after a whole summer of eating surplus crops, but the plum is still sweet and tasty on his tongue. Minho seems satisfied that Jisung took it, and eats a slice himself.

“Hey, what do you want for your birthday?” Minho asks, voice low, leaning back into Jisung the tiniest bit.

The unexpected question makes Jisung pull back a bit and loosen his arms around Minho’s waist. His hands slip back onto Minho’s hips again, where he grips tight to his jeans so he doesn’t fall back from having Minho leaning on him.

Jisung hadn’t intended for anyone to make a big deal out of his birthday. He hadn’t even wanted to tell them; knowing since Changbin’s birthday in August that they liked to make a fuss and throw parties. But he let it slip to Felix that their birthdays were a day apart and naturally Felix got so excited that he ran around and told everyone.

Of course Minho showing he cares about it makes Jisung very happy. And that he wants to give him something, even though he knows Minho doesn’t exactly go out shopping. (He would probably make Jisung a little cat sculpture made of gears and screws no matter what he answered.) Not that he needs any gifts at all considering he hadn’t even expected to celebrate it.

Jisung thinks he should at least attempt to humour Minho with an answer.

He thinks hard about what he would really want for his birthday. And tightens his arms around Minho with a smile when he comes up with it.

“You.”

Jisung whispers in his ear.

Minho shrugs him off, elbowing Jisung in the side before he can step back out of reach. Jisung holds one hand to his side where It hurts and the other over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

“You’re gross.” Minho’s rolling his eyes but he can’t keep the smile off his face.

Jisung hopes Changbin didn’t overhear them.

Jisung reaches out for Minho, to latch onto his back again.

Minho turns around in his arms and kisses him right there in the middle of the kitchen.

His lips taste of summer.

Almost as soon as Minho turns back to the cutting board, leaving Jisung love-struck and frozen behind him, Hyunjin comes crashing in through the back door. He knocks into Jisung’s shoulder as he runs over to the already crowded counter.

“Hey guys, what’s up? What time is it?” He has to reach up and wipe steam off the chicken-themed clock to read the numbers. He also happens to be the only one who can effortlessly reach up there.

“Shit, I’m gonna be late.”

“Calm down kid, the bell’s probably just rung, he won’t be here for another half hour.” Changbin chides and pushes Hyunjin out of the way.

Now that Jeongin has gone back to school, it’s funny how embarrassingly clingy Hyunjin is being with him. After a summer of having Jeongin around all day, he’s been going through some sort of separation anxiety. He absolutely lights up at three in the afternoon, rushing out to meet the school bus at the end of the road.

Hyunjin’s too preoccupied to have noticed Minho and Jisung kiss.

Changbin keeps it a secret between the three of them.

And Minho doesn’t end up getting him anything for his birthday.

At least nothing he can give Jisung in front of the others at his and Felix’s joint party.

…

“Can you tell Chan you want to go to town tomorrow?” Minho asks out of the blue.

It was late in the afternoon. Minho had randomly dragged Jisung upstairs an hour ago to just lie with him in bed while the sun was still filtering in. No one had come looking for them yet.

“Why?” Jisung lifts his head off Minho’ shoulder.

“I want you to get something for me.”

“Oh sure, what?”

“Condoms.”

Jisung tended to be dramatic, but he really did choke on his spit.

Minho just smirked up at him, his face caught in sunlight and hair fanned out on the sheets.

“Unless you have any.”

The light washed out his face into the perfect picture of innocence. It smoothed out his skin, leaving just bright eyes filled with mischief. It made him look younger, even more flawless, like a greek god in a flannel shirt.

Jisung was stuck speechless, and eventually Minho’s smirk fell and a concerned frown replaced it.

“Is that okay?”

Jisung literally shook himself out of it and nodded.

He buried his face into the crook of Minho’s neck, where his skin was warm from the sunlight, too embarrassed to face him.

“Um, to clarify you want them for _us_ to have sex with right?” He squeaked out.

“Yeah.” Minho laughed, patting Jisung’s hair.

“So that’s why we haven’t… um….done…you know…”

“You’re fucking adorable. Yes that’s why.” He hugged Jisung close, surrounding him in comfort and softness and just _Minho._

He would be happy just to hug him like this forever, in their own little world at the back of the house.

Jisung felt Minho’s smile drop from where his lips were pressed against Jisung’s hair.

“You know,” He sighed, and seemed to deflate a little under Jisung.

“It’s a… difficult time to be a gay man. It’s a scary time.”

He takes another deep breath.

“I haven’t been with anyone since I came here, and I got tested right before I did, I’m clean. I just don’t feel comfortable knowing what’s going on in the world right now. Even if I trust you, even if you’re innocent and clean too; I want to be safe. For us.”

Jisung turns his head and watches the bob of Minho’s adams apple when he takes a hard swallow after his voice trails off.

“You… you got tested for AIDS?” Jisung asks in a small voice.

“Yeah they… I’ll tell you about it sometime. The important thing was that I was clean. I just… I had to check.”

Jisung is used to this by now, Minho stopping himself from sharing something from his past, from before he came to the farm.

It’s frustrating but Minho makes up for it with the way he always shares how he feels in the present. How he’s taken to being so honest and open with Jisung about what’s happening between the two of them now.

“I don’t mind waiting to do it with condoms if it makes you feel better.” Jisung whispers, lifting himself up to kiss along Minho’s jaw and up to his cheek.

“Thank you.” Minho whispers back, pushing himself up so he can catch Jisung’s lips before they leave his cheek.

“I want to do this with you, properly.” He says between kisses, holding Jisung like he’s something fragile.

“I want to do this with you too.” Jisung smiles into the kiss, so Minho knows he means it.

Jisung pulled on his jacket, a hand-me-down Chan had pulled from the attic for him when September came. It almost swallows him, the long sleeves had to be cuffed and stitched up just so he was able to use his hands. It was a nice jacket though, and he suspects it had belonged to Chan and Felix’s dad. What he liked most about it were the big pockets in the lining, perfect for the errand he had to run today.

The money Minho had slipped into his palm at dawn was burning a hole in the front pocket of his jeans. Jisung didn’t tell Minho that he had his own money. That Chan had given him his pay in cash last week so he had some to spend. And that the roll of cash he had taken from home was still safely tucked in the bottom of his backpack, the bag gathering dust where it was hidden under his bed.

“Ready to go?” Jisung jumps when Chan comes up behind him and claps a hand down onto his shoulder.

“Oh yeah, ready when you are.”

He lets Chan lead him out to the driveway with an arm slung over his shoulders. Jisung didn’t know why he felt so nervous.

He knew he could get a minute away from the others to buy what he needed. But he still felt like Chan was going to x-ray vision his pockets like Superman and call him out. Or maybe Chan could read minds and already knew. There was no way that guy didn’t have some sort of super powers. Maybe Jisung had just read too many comics as a kid.

Jisung hopped into the backseat with Felix and rolled his window down. It had been a while since he went on the town-run. He had been using the opportunity when half of them would be out of the house to make-out with Minho in the garage, or in Minho’s room, or one risky encounter in the bathroom. (They nearly avoided scarring Seungmin for life.)

But now he was laughing with Felix as they stuck their heads out of the back windows catching the rushing September wind while Changbin yelled at them from the passenger seat. He remembered how nice it was to get away from the farm for a bit.

Jisung finally relented to Changbin’s nagging and pulled his head in. He tried to pat down his windswept hair and rub some warmth back into his cheeks. The weather had been cooling down quickly now that it was turning to autumn. He thought back to the heat of the summer and the way the car door had burned to the touch and the air conditioner had rattled every time they turned it on. Now everyday felt more like those few cool summer nights spent in the field with Minho.

When they pulled up to the usual place in town, Jisung helped unload the milk crates and didn’t run off right away.

He was glad Changbin and Felix were along this time, because they would surely go off alone together.

He usually liked to go to town with Felix, it was always fun to hang out in town with the other guys his age, but it was not fun to be a third wheel to him and Changbin. They rarely showed much affection in front of them, but they tended to forget other people were there. (Not that Jisung had been a good friend to the others lately, anytime Minho was free he’d be off chasing after him instead.) Jisung had even seen easygoing Seungmin get dejected when Felix ditched him for Changbin. Of course Hyunjin was always there for him when that happened, Jisung too if he wasn’t making heart eyes at Minho.

As he suspected Felix and Changbin took off when their work was done.

“Going with them to get ice cream?” Chan asked, pushing up the tailgate, “they close for the season this week.”

“Nah,” Jisung tried to make his voice as casual as possible, despite his anxiety over Chan’s seemingly all-knowing gaze, “I’ve been craving junk food, gonna head to the station.” He hooked a finger over his shoulder at the gas station down the road.

Luckily Chan’s attention was diverted by one of the million people that seemed to know him in town and he turned away from Jisung. He’d never get used to how social Chan was on these trips.

He turned on his heel and jogged down towards the red and white signs of the gas station, hands buried in the pockets of his over-sized jacket.

The bell above the door chimed as he stepped in.

The layout was just like the little convenience store near Jisung’s place in the city. The first time he had come in here it had been like a slap in the face; filled with anxiety that he had been zapped back to that place that was no-longer home. But all he had to do was look out the window at the flat expanse of farmland and remember that he was still here, where he had found something better.

Jisung wandered the short aisles of the little store for a couple of minutes, not really looking at anything, just waiting for the big man at the front of the store to finish buying his smokes.

He’d never bought condoms before. In high school his friend had given him the only one he’d ever used; and he had kept it in his front pocket all day until he used it that night with his prom date. And then he’d never needed one again, until today.

Jisung put on his most convincing false-confidence and walked up to the the guy behind the counter. He was beyond relieved that it was a fairly young guy, not some righteous old person who didn’t even like the fact that such things were sold.

Still, the guy gave Jisung a once-over before turning to grab the box off the shelf behind him that Jisung had pointed to.

Jisung barely remembered to grab some candy and put it on the counter too before he handed over the cash Minho had given him.

Jisung left with a box in one pocket and a handful of candy in the other. Hopefully no one would notice how red his cheeks were.

A chocolate bar was half unwrapped in his hands. He took slow bites as he walked back to Chan’s truck where the older man was waiting alone and watching his brother and Changbin walk down the other side of the street.

He seemed to snap out of whatever internal conflict he was having while frowning at the couple when Jisung approached, quickly turning to Jisung with his usual smile.

“Ready to go?”

Jisung held up his chocolate like a trophy and offered it to Chan.

“Thanks kid.”

Jisung held his jacket close to him as they picked up their groceries and packed up to head home.

He was suspiciously quiet on the ride back, until Changbin called him out on it, and he had to force out some corny jokes to keep his paranoia from exploding.

Why was he so embarrassed? It’s not like it would be the end of the world if the others knew. Still it would probably be the most embarrassing way to have them find out.

Jisung carried a crate of groceries to the kitchen, to do his part. But immediately slipped up the back stairs when he set it down, and let himself into Minho’s room.

The cat was in there, lounging on Minho’s bed like she owned it. He shooed her away, irrationally paranoid that she’d claw through the box. He placed the condoms and spare change in her place and got out as quickly as he could, shutting the door as quietly as possible behind him. He even looked down the hall to see if anyone had seen him, and double checked the stairs to make sure he wouldn’t get startled by Felix or anyone again.

That evening he slipped into Minho’s room as usual. Minho was standing at his dresser, combing out his wet hair and shirtless. Jisung tore his eyes from Minho’s bare skin and looked past him at the bed. There was no evidence of his delivery earlier.

“Hey,” Minho greeted him with a soft kiss. Jisung would never get used to that.

His wet hair was brushed completely off his face, revealing a small scar on his temple. Jisung had never noticed it before, he had a feeling he would always be discovering new things with Minho. He traced it with his hand, letting his fingers brush back a stray piece of dripping hair that wanted to touch Minho’s face too.

“Do you want to go out to the field tonight?” Minho took Jisung’s hand away from his forehead, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before holding it against his chest.

“Oh I thought…” Jisung cut himself off, suddenly too shy to bring it up. What if that ruined some unspoken process of relationships? Minho would probably think it was sexier if it just happened naturally.

“Never mind, yeah we can go out.” He said, already pulling out of Minho’s grip and reaching for Minho’s sweater for him.

“No, what were you gonna say?” Minho took his hands again, an innocent soft smile on his face. God he was beautiful.

“It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure? You only get shy like this when you’re embarrassed about something. Did I do something?”

“No, no! You didn’t, it’s just me.”

Jisung tried to reassure Minho with a gentle kiss, stepping back into his space and squeezing his hands.

“Oh.” Minho said when their lips parted.

“This is about the condom thing.”

Jisung ducked his head down, inadvertently giving Minho an answer.

Minho tugged Jisung closer by his hands and pulled them farther into the room, to the bed, where he easily pulled Jisung into his lap.

“You’re so cute.” He whispered, placing kisses onto any part of Jisung’s face he could while the younger man kept his head down.

“I am not.”

“Yes you are.”

Finally, Jisung tilts his face up again to catch his lips and they share a long lazy kiss as the evening light begins to fade, leaving them in dim lamplight.

“You were excited to fuck me.” Minho murmurs against his lips.

Jisung squawks and turns his face away, focusing on a patch of pink light slipping across the wall as the sun dips behind the horizon outside. He knows his face is lit up in the same colour, from the heat of Minho’s breath against his skin.

“I… I was kind of thinking you were gonna be the one to…” Jisung bites back the rest of his sentence because Minho’s running his hands up the back of his thighs and squeezing his ass where it hovers over Minho’s lap.

“As much as I’ve been fantasizing about you riding me and bouncing in my lap, I think we need to work up to that.” Minho says against Jisung’s jaw.

“And I really want you to fuck me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Minho flips them around, pinning Jisung to the bed and grinding down onto him through his jeans.

Jisung loses all rational thoughts when Minho starts kissing him and undressing him with an intoxicating fervency.

He briefly snaps back to reality when he lets out a load moan and gets worried about testing just how far the sound travels from Minho’s room to the rest of the house.

But Minho’s excitement helps Jisung’s arousal overcome his anxiety and respond to his touch with equal passion. This is familiar to him, touching Minho, he’s safe here in his arms.

Minho slows their kisses and flips them over again, Jisung crawls over him to keep their lips together and laughs as he fails to keep up, chasing after Minho to resume the kiss.

Minho pulls his face away, turning to reach for something beside the bed. Jisung doesn’t see what he’s doing as he’s busy sucking a bruise onto Minho’s collarbone and not-so-subtly grinding against Minho’s leg.

Minho moans when Jisung nips at his skin, he looks up, wanting to see Minho’s face when he makes such a pretty noise. But instead sees that he has pulled out the box of condoms and is trying to tear one out with the free hand not laced in Jisung’s thick hair.

Jisung sits up on his knees and lets Minho have both his hands to continue what he was doing. The nervousness comes back. As well as curiosity as he watches Minho pick up some lotion and coat his fingers.

Minho stares right into Jisung’s eyes as he fingers himself. Knowing exactly what he’s doing and leaving Jisung frozen, hot and hard on the other end of the bed.

“Come here.” Minho gasps, opening his legs wider for Jisung to shuffle in between.

He pulls Jisung in for another kiss. His sighs get lost against Jisung’s tongue.

He lets Jisung feel his way down his torso and join the hand between his legs. Tentatively slipping in beside his own fingers for a while.

Jisung moans against Minho’s lips when he feels him roll the condom on and pump him with his slick hand.

“Is this okay baby?” Minho whispers against his cheek, guiding him down. One hand still tugging him while the other runs up and down his back.

Jisung nods his head, then chokes out a quiet “yes” when Minho requests it.

“Let’s go slow.” Minho lifts his hips so Jisung can see what he’s doing.

Jisung nearly cries when he pushes in.

“I’m not gonna last long.”

“It’s okay. I’ll take that as a compliment.” Minho laughs, but his voice is raspy as he bites back a moan.

Minho is underneath him but it is obvious that he’s still in control, whispering against Jisung’s lips, encouraging him but directing him as well.

Jisung feels more emotional than he thinks he should while he rocks into Minho. And eventually starts mumbling incoherent praise between kisses.

He swears under his breath, but its nonsensical when Minho’s body feels like something to worship. Instead he says his name over and over again until Minho shuts him up with a kiss.

It is so intimate to him, maybe just because he’s built it up in his mind and he’s not disappointed. Maybe it’s because Minho seems so vulnerable in this moment, even though he’s the one leading Jisung through it.

He can feel Minho’s hand moving over himself between them when his own hips start to stutter.

“Good boy, baby, come on.” Minho hooks a leg around Jisung’s waist and pulls him as close as possible while Jisung’s hips still rock into him.

His vision whites out as he rides through it, groaning against Minho’s neck and feeling tears wet his eyes.

He must black out or something because when he blinks his eyes open again it’s because Minho is letting out a string of curses and releasing onto both their stomachs and his own hand. He’s so hot, Jisung thinks he’s going to melt against him. He thinks the image of Minho like this will be burned into his mind forever.

Jisung seems to barely have the strength to pull out of Minho before he’s sinking into the bed.

“I think you fucked the insomnia out of me.” Minho yawns from somewhere beside him, after a few minutes of catching their breath.

Jisung laughs but he’s too dizzy to actually respond.

They seem to have finally tired each other out. He thinks he’ll sleep for days after this.

Minho pulls him closer despite both of them being slick with sweat, cum and lube. Jisung presses his face into Minho’s skin, finally tearing his eyes away from how gorgeous the man under him looks. He’s completely overwhelmed; emotionally and physically. But he fights back against the urge to succumb to sleep. He wants to stay in this moment for a little longer.

Jisung has his head pillowed on Minho’s arm, tired, too much so to move his head off. Minho doesn’t complain. He seems equally spent.

“I want to tell you something.” Minho breaks the comfortable silence of the small room.

“I love you.”

It is Jisung who says this, he interrupts Minho, to be selfish in this moment where he feels both brave and vulnerable.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Minho laughs, “but I do too. I do love you Han.”

Jisung thinks his cheeks will split from the size of his smile, and when he turns over Minho is staring at him with a matching grin.

They shift, so Jisung can drape himself over Minho’s chest. Minho’s arm, now free of the weight of Jisung’s head, wraps protectively around the younger man’s back.

“That’s why I want to tell you this,” Minho places a kiss to Jisung’s head before he starts again.

“Before I came here I spent three years in prison.” Jisung lifts his head, so he can look Minho in the eyes.

“What?”

“You know how I once told you I didn’t finish high school? And moved out when I was a teenager? Well I was part of this gang...Oh man this is gonna be a long story.”

Minho covers his face with the hand not resting on Jisung’s shoulder and takes a deep breath.

“Okay. Here’s the thing. It was just… the neighborhood I lived in, I grew up with those guys. You didn’t “join a gang” you lived right alongside them. I was getting rides home from school by thugs and drug dealers when I was ten years old ‘cause they were my friends’ older brothers.

“My parents just couldn’t control who I hung out with, not their fault they could only afford to live in gang territory.

“Anyways that’s how I got into cars, I got a job at the garage that was the gang’s front. Well we were legitimate mechanics… just also happened to all be part of this gang on the side. I started running with them when I was 16, started apprenticing at the garage when I was 17. I just happened to be good at the mechanic part, so while my friends were out doing the gang’s dirty business I was fixing engines and getting all buddy-buddy with the old guys and big boss. I worked there for… man I don’t know, 7 years maybe?

“But eventually they started asking me to do more, because they knew they could trust me. They started shifting from just selling drugs to rich teenagers uptown to full out godfather mafia type shit. Which meant I was suddenly involved in one of their biggest plans yet; actual Hollywood style bank robberies.

“Lost story short, we got caught. The police decided to make a spectacle out of us and there was a big caravan of flashing police cars and reporters waiting for us when we got cuffed.

Some lucky reporter got a great photo of me, and it ended up on every newspaper in the country. I think they won some photo award for it too.

“Next thing I knew; I was in jail. Then court. Then facing prison time. I got a bit less than some of the others, the police rounded pretty much everyone up. But they continued to spread my photo, then they got another great shot outside the courthouse. My mom was so embarrassed.—“

Minho’s voice chokes off. He’s shaking his head at the memories. Jisung reaches out and places his hand against Minho’s cheek to steady him.

“They printed that photo with every single article, each time someone else got caught, each trial no matter who’s it was. I couldn’t stand it. For years those photos haunted me. I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror. I didn’t want anyone looking at me. Jesus, even when you came and looked at me the way you did I worried for a second that you were seeing that photo too.”

Minho pauses and meets Jisung’s gaze, he can finally see all the pain that has been hidden away under the usual sparkles in his pretty eyes.

“I quickly figured out you hadn’t. You weren’t looking at me with fear, you were looking at me with innocent curiosity.”

Minho shakes his head again.

“Still I never wanted to talk about it again, I wanted it to stay in the past. Stay back in that cell where I left it. That’s why I never the farm, why I barely mention my past.”

They lay in silence for a moment, Jisung rubbing a hand reassuringly over Minho’s skin.

“Prison, what was it like?” Jisung asks tentatively.

“Well it was fucking prison.” Minho laughs, it’s not like his usual laughs, its bitter and harsh.

“I was lucky enough to not get picked on too much. Lucky that there was already some sort of a feud going on between the guys already in there, so they weren’t too worried about young guys like me. I was also lucky to make friends… well not really friends but people I could stick with. Honestly the best thing that happened for me was the drugs…”

“you were into drugs?”

“No, no, but I got in with a bunch of junkies. People tended not to bother them, I could fit in and avoid attention for the most part. Yeah there were times when it got sickening, I was never into that shit, not even the pot my old friends used to peddle.

“Look I’m making it seem okay ‘cause I don’t want you to worry. I’m not saying it wasn’t violent, or that I didn’t get attention for the way I look…”

Minho took a breath and turned his head away. Jisung waits. When Minho turns back he has his head tilted back, it does nothing to hide the tear trailing down the side of his face.

“I wasn’t…hurt. But I did let myself…get used, sleep around for favours. It wasn’t so bad, as a pretty boy buried deep in the closet…”

“Minho, what the actual fuck?” Jisung rubs his thumbs over the tears. Minho covers his hands with his own.

“It doesn’t matter now. Prison sex is nothing like making love with you.”

Minho pushes himself up so he can lean Jisung back on the bed.

“It’s not soft cheeks” Minho plants kisses over Jisung’s skin, “or tender kisses in stairwells.”

Minho kisses him on the mouth. Jisung can taste the salt of tears, he doesn’t know which of them they belong to. Minho holds him down, kissing deeper until he needs to come up for air.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They relax back into the sheets.

When Jisung catches his breath he asks;

“You said it was three years, when did you get out?”

“About a week before I came here. I couldn’t go home, couldn’t go back to my parents’ house. I got my car out of the impound as soon as I got out and just drove around this area. The prison’s just north of the highway. I found this place and heard about Chan’s parents and that they needed workers.

“I was paranoid, that people would recognize me, so I thought I should find somewhere to lay low. I bet everything on this farm, that they would take me in. And they did and I’ll be forever grateful to Chan for that.

“But I never felt free. Even when the years passed and I knew it had been long enough since anyone had seen my picture, the paranoia stayed. I started to worry about the others getting out; the guys from the gang running into me or worse, looking for me.

“I thought Chan didn’t know, assumed he never recognized me. He never mentioned it until he was thinking about taking in Hyunjin and Jeongin. He told me knew I had been in prison, he didn’t need the details, he just wanted to make sure it would be safe here for them, for Jeongin.”

“Chan’s a good man.”

“He really is.” Minho pulls Jisung close again.

“Especially since he brought me you. You make me forget all of it. Make me live in the present not the past. Sometimes you even make me think about the future.”

Jisung kisses him again, he knows nothing he can say will be enough to follow what Minho has just shared with him.

The kiss gets cut short by them both yawning again.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course, always… You know Hyunjin’s been getting up early to get Jeongin to school though, he’ll notice you’re not there.”

“Let him, I don’t care.” Jisung says, tightening his hold around Minho and placing sleepy kisses across any stretch of skin he can reach.

...


	12. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Autumn, 1989)

When Minho wakes up there’s rain hitting the window and it’s still dark outside. He can spare a couple of minutes before he heads out to the barn.

He settles back into bed, curling around Jisung’s smaller body. He’s had him for weeks now, and yet it still feels like a dream sometimes; that there’s no way the universe could have brought him this angel. That he shouldn’t get to have someone like him after everything he’s done.

Jisung leans back into his hold, sleepily pressing his cheek to Minho’s. They’re pressed skin to skin under the blanket and it feels intimate in the coolness of the dark room. Minho lets himself appreciate this moment with him, sleepy and full of love, and no longer alone in the world.

But he starts to notice that he hears a bit too much movement downstairs for a usual morning. He’s usually the first up, and even when he’s not, Changbin and Chan are a lot quieter than that.

Something feels wrong.

He reluctantly pulls away from the warmth of Jisung and the blankets. Jisung is still asleep and only grumbles a little when Minho gets up.

The first time they’d slept together Minho had needed to leave, to have a moment to himself to think about what he wanted with Jisung. But now he knows all he wants is to stay here with him.

Minho’s legs tremble a little when he stands up, it almost makes him laugh. He wasn’t expecting that. They’d taken it really slow last night; and while it had been _really good_ it was still probably the simplest sex he’d ever had.

Just as he’s slipping on some clean underwear, there’s a rumble of thunder outside and a shriek from downstairs that could only have come from one of the kids.

If the kids are up, then…

It’s much later than he thought.

“Shit.” Minho hurriedly grabs a shirt from the floor and pulls on his jeans.

He’s still doing up the fly when he closes his door behind him on the way downstairs.

He freezes when he reaches the kitchen; because seven pairs of eyes turn on him.

All of them, even Jeongin though it’s a school day, are gathered in the kitchen while the rain comes down in sheets outside.

He glances at the clock on the wall and nearly winces.

He hasn’t slept in this late since he was a teenager.

And it’s very obvious that everyone has been up long enough to notice that both Minho and Jisung were missing.

He waits for the expected “Glad you could join us,” but it never comes.

Instead Chan makes eye contact over his coffee mug. Sometimes he thinks Chan can see right through him into his soul and it gives him shivers.

“Is Jisung with you?”

Minho sighs, the others are still staring at him, even if some are trying to pretend like they aren’t.

“He’s upstairs.”

“Good, I was getting worried that you two were out in the rain.”

The room is packed full with a weird sort of tension. Everyone seems to have a question on the tip of their tongue but no one is brave enough to speak.

Minho, still making eye contact with Chan’s knowing gaze, feels a poke at his neck.

He didn’t even notice Felix come up beside him. And can only watch, mortified, as Felix adjusts his shirt to cover the mark on his collarbone.

He feels his ears go red with embarrassment, even as the reminder of how he got that bruise sends his heart aflutter under his ribs.

He realizes he’s also accidentally picked up Jisung’s shirt not his own. Well it’s been Jisung’s since Minho gave it to him months ago. Somehow the kid has managed to stretch out the collar, probably from tugging at it when he’s anxious.

There’s absolutely no hiding what’s been going on now.

Felix gives him a reassuring smile as he backs away. Minho is glad for it; he didn’t think he would be nervous when their secret came out.

By now mostly everyone has politely turned away from him, except Chan and Changbin who seem to be having a psychic conversation across the table, alternating with pointed looks in Minho’s direction.

Chan finally draws Minho out of his frozen place just inside the doorway by offering to get him a cup of coffee.

“The rain’s shut down the roads in town,” Chan says, as Minho joins him at the counter.

“We were expecting rain, but looks like this big storm is blowing in fast. Changbin and I checked the animals as best we could before it got too bad.”

He gestures out the window, where the heavy rain obscures the view of the barn and fields, everything dark and grey.

“I’m sorry I overslept. I should have been there to help.” Minho says, stirring cream into his mug. It matches the ones Chan and Changbin use, except at some point he got a paint splatter on it when he spilled a can of paint over his workbench. He keeps his voice low as they’re standing close together at the counter, and it’s obvious by the quiet murmuring from the table that at least one of them might be trying to listen in.

“Minho—“

Jisung comes waltzing into the room then, completely unaware of what he’s just walked into.

The cheery greeting he’d been about to share gets caught on his tongue when he takes in the weird mood of the room.

His eyes search for Minho; all he can do is offer him a half-assed smile.

“What’s going on?” Jisung laughs nervously. All eyes on him.

“It’s raining.” Jeongin deadpans.

Minho must be losing his mind a little from the built up tension, because he bursts out laughing at that.

Jisung looks confused, but some of the others start snickering too.

“I don’t get it.” Jisung is half smiling, looking a little concerned at them all.

“That’s okay.” Minho says and crosses the room to him.

He stops right in front of him, blocking him from the curious gaze of the others.

“Do you trust me?” Minho whispers.

“Always.” Jisung smiles up at him, but he’s obviously still confused.

“Okay.” Minho smiles back, and brings his hand up to brush Jisung’s cheek.

He turns back to the others.

“Chan?”

“uh, yeah?”

“Can Han move into my room?”

Chan almost spits out his coffee.

“Um sure. Yeah that’s fine. You can… you can do whatever you want.”

“Cool. And for the rest of you nosy fucks. Yes, we’re sleeping together. He’s my boyfriend and if any of you give him shit for it you deal with me, got it?”

And he kisses Jisung in the middle of the kitchen for the second time.

“That’s not exactly how I planned to tell them babe.” Jisung hisses when they part, smacking Minho’s chest but still tightly wrapped in his arms.

“Well, sometimes you’ve just gotta let things happen _babe_.”

“Get a room.” Jeongin sighs, making them all break out in laughter again.

…

The rain doesn’t let up.

They go out for a bit to check on the animals again and try to get some tasks done in the barn, but the rain is too heavy to do anything outside. The worn tractor tracks have turned into deep mud puddles and the newly planted crop fields look like they might be washed out.

They haven’t had rain this heavy in all the years Minho’s been here.

Chan is obviously worried about it. The farm is his life and he’s worked so hard to keep it up. The weather is so important for his crops. And while the cows are covered they’re all nervous and crowded inside, and water is starting to pool by the doors.

They come in absolutely soaked.

Minho wrings out his worn baseball cap over the sink.

It did little to keep the rain off his head, soaking through in seconds. There were days in the summer where it did nothing to keep the sun out of his eyes and made his head feel like a sauna, but he’d take that any day to the chill of his wet hair right now.

“Here,” Felix comes up behind him and places a towel over his shoulders.

“Thanks.” He gives up on his hat and leans against the sink while he dries his hair.

Felix hands out towels to the Chan and Younghyun, the other men dripping water on the floor under their chairs, pooling around the kitchen table. Felix goes back to fussing over Changbin, who still looks like a drenched cat despite being the first one Felix attempted to dry off when they came in.

Changbin looks exactly like Dori when Minho found her hiding near the garage and carried her into the house to warm up.

Of course she’d probably try find her way back out there, but hopefully she’d wait until the rain lets up.

He can hear the sound of the TV in the other room. The younger guys are all holed up in the living room while they wait out the rain. Except Felix who’s probably been sitting in here the whole time they were outside, like he was waiting for his lover to come back from the war.

Chan turns on the radio and tunes it until he finds a weather report.

Minho finishes drying off his hair and stands up, drawn towards the noise in the other room.

In the hall outside the living room the kids’ voices become clear, something makes Minho pause outside the doorway.

“I don’t know how you did it. I’m too scared to even touch his workbench in the garage let alone… him.”

It’s Hyunjin talking.

“He’s not that scary.” Seungmin chides.

“Yeah but he’s not exactly a teddy bear either dude. I don’t know how or why Jisung just walked in and said, ‘yeah I want that old grumpy one please’.”

There’s a smack, probably Jisung hitting Hyunjin judging by the whine that follows.

“Maybe if you were less annoying he’d be nicer to you.” Jisung huffs.

“Maybe he’s only nice to _you_.” Hyunjin laughs.

“Shut up.”

Then the lights go out.

Someone screams.

Minho feels his way into the room. He guesses it was Jeongin who screamed, based on the sounds of Hyunjin trying to calm him down.

“Jisung?” Minho calls out, feeling around for the couch while his eyes are still adjusting to the darkness.

“Minho?”

A pair of hands find his on the back of the couch and Minho sighs in relief.

“Everyone okay?” Minho asks.

Before anyone can answer, a loud clap of thunder rumbles through the house.

There’s another scream.

This time its Seungmin.

“Chan!” Minho yells, down the hall, still holding onto Jisung’s hands over the back of the couch.

He can hear a couple muffled bangs and curses before Chan appears in the doorway with a flashlight. Minho remembers that there should be another one by the front door and tears himself away from Jisung to go get it.

When he gets back, Chan has one arm around Seungmin and the other around Jeongin. Both of them clinging to his soaking wet shirt while the flashlight is uselessly pointing at the couch in the hand around Seungmin’s back.

“Minho, go change into some dry clothes, and grab some for me. Then go back to the kitchen and tell the others to do the same. I’ll meet you there in a minute. Be quick.”

Minho follows the orders without question, heading towards the main stairs across the hall.

Chan is quietly chanting "We're fine, everything's alright." into the younger boys' hair when he leaves.

He’s halfway up the stairs when he realizes that Jisung has latched onto the back of his drenched shirt and is following him up.

He stops and pulls Jisung’s hand away so he can hold it instead.

They stop in Chan’s room first; grabbing the first shirt, pants and socks they find by the beam of the flashlight. It’s easier with both of them looking, especially when they don't let go of each other's hands.

Jisung tucks the bundle of clothes under his arm and they head down the unlit hall to the back of the house. The back stairwell is almost pitch black. He’s never seen it so dark; even at night there’s usually a bit of moonlight coming in the small window.

They hurry to get into the bedroom as another boom of thunder sounds.

Minho shines the light over the room to see if Dori found her way up there after he brought her in from outside, but he doesn’t see any little eyes light up in dark. She probably got hungry or bored and slipped back out to the garage. Hopefully she made it there safely.

Jisung places Chan’s clothes on the bed and pulls open Minho’s drawers while he strips out of his wet clothes.

He takes whatever Jisung hands him, but before he can pull the dry shirt over his head Jisung traps him in a tight hug.

“Hey, what’s wrong?" Minho asks, running his hand up and down Jisung’s back, "Are you scared of storms or something?”

“No, I just… needed you.”

Minho tightens his arms around him and presses a kiss to his hair.

“You have me. I’m always here.”

They don’t stay there much longer, more thunder comes and brings with it a wailing sound that chills Minho to the bone.

“What is that?” Jisung asks, Minho’s already dragging him out the door and down the stairs.

“Tornado sirens.”

...

Seungmin is still obviously panicked and still latched onto Chan when they reach the kitchen. But Felix manages to slip in between them long enough for Chan to take the dry clothes from Jisung and start changing right there in the middle of the kitchen.

Changbin and Younghyun rejoin them just as Chan is pulling on his jeans.

The sirens are still wailing outside and it’s not helping Seungmin’s panic attack or any of their nerves.

“Okay, everyone downstairs, follow Younghyun to the cellar.” Chan orders, still struggling with his socks.

The other’s follow his instructions immediately, Younghyun taking Chan’s flashlight and leading the younger kids out into the hall.

Minho stays back, with Jisung still glued to his side, while Chan finishes dressing. He has to physically pull the man away from trying to hang up his wet clothes neatly on the back of a chair and drag him towards the stairs to the basement.

The others are a line of flashlight beams and candles in the darkness as the three of them descend, now all hand in hand. They head past the washing machine and towards the opposite end of the basement where the food cellar is.

Minho knows it’s currently packed with all the preserved food he and Changbin worked on earlier in the month, and therefore short on space, but it’s also their designated storm bunker.

In the bad lighting he can just make out his housemate’s faces where they’re all crouched on the concrete floor. Flashlight beams reflect in the jars that line the shelves and bounce back between them.

Someone has brought blankets down and hands one to Minho as he and Jisung step over Hyunjin and sit down beside a crate of canned goods.

Chan has wedged himself into the pile; between Seungmin, who’s hyperventilating even with Felix’s calming voice guiding him through some sort of breathing exercise, and a scared Jeongin who’s curled into Hyunjin’s lap.

No one is talking.

Minho hasn’t felt this kind of feeling in a while. He realizes its fear, not for himself for once, but for them, his family.

Jisung squeezes his hand in the dark.

Minho turns to him, his own light in the dark, and pulls him close.

They wait out the storm.

…

Someone shakes him awake.

“Minho, wake up. Chan’s gone upstairs to check outside.”

He pulls himself up, quickly reaching out to check that Jisung is still beside him. He’s grateful when his hand makes contact with the familiar shape of Jisung behind him, he pats Jisung’s hip and hears him stir.

Younghyun, satisfied that everyone’s up, goes out into the main room of the basement.

Their flashlights have been arranged together in the centre like a makeshift lamp. He can see that both Seungmin and Jeongin are awake and calm.

It’s still unnervingly silent between them all, even more so now that there’s no storm raging above them.

Finally, they hear Chan shout and Younghyun reply.

Younghyun comes back to them a moment later.

“It’s clear, we can go back up.”

Minho’s body aches from sitting on the hard floor of the cramped cellar, and he lets the others go ahead while he shakes the pins and needles from his leg.

“Are you okay?” Jisung asks, supporting Minho with a hand on his elbow.

“Yeah, just… getting old.”

Jisung laughs, and the sight is so reassuring and beautiful, even in the weak light of the dying flashlights.

They walk upstairs hand in hand, but stop when they reach the kitchen and see everyone gathered in the centre. The back window has been shattered. A big metal drum from out back has crashed through with enough force to break the window and push the table out of the way.

“Is there any other damage?” Minho asks, getting as close as he dared in just his socks.

“I’ll check the rest of the house.” Changbin offers.

Chan steps over the glass and opens the back door. The sky is a weird yellow after the tornado, it makes the world look a little unreal, like they’re on a different planet or have been swept away to Oz.

Chan takes a step out and scans out over the yard.

He stops still.

“What is it?”

Minho comes up behind him and follows his gaze out past the side of the house towards the garage.

One of the great big elm trees has fallen and crashed right through the roof of the building, almost completely flattening it.

“No.”

Minho’s in his boots and out the door before anyone can stop him.

_What if Dori came back out here?_

He pulls at a sheet of the metal roofing, trying to lift it up and peer under.

“Dori? Dori! Are you in here?”

He lifts anything he can, desperately hoping to spot her.

“Minho!”

He ignores whoever it is. He doesn’t care if it’s dangerous to move the wreckage right now, he needs to know.

“Minho!” They call again.

“Jisung found her, she’s inside!”

Minho drops the heavy beam he’d been struggling to lift and runs back to the house.

Jisung is waiting outside the broken window with the disgruntled cat in his arms.

“Oh thank god.” He takes her from him and holds her close to his chest.

“You stupid cat, where were you?”

“She was in my bed, the bunk in Hyunjin’s room.” Jisung says, reaching out to pet her and place a comforting hand on Minho’s arm.

“You slut.” Minho grumbles into her fur, but covers her face in kisses. Jisung just laughs at him.

“The garage is ruined.” Jisung whispers, like it’s a secret and not something staring them in the face.

“Yeah.”

“Chan and Changbin went to go check the barn and the fields… Younghyun says this damage is really bad, that it will cost a ton to replace the equipment in the garage in time for the fall harvest.”

“Yeah, it will.” Minho looks back at the garage. He hadn’t even been thinking about his tools or the tractors he worked so hard to keep in good repair.

“At least we’re all safe.” He sighs, and holds Dori a little tighter.

…

Chan is freaking out. He’s not showing it on his face, but Minho can tell anyway.

The crops are a little washed out, but salvageable. The main problem is that harvester, tractor and other important equipment were in the garage, and the grain storage bins were also damaged in the storm.

“I don’t have the money.” Chan says, after they finish writing it all down in a list.

He leans back into the couch.

“Not for all the farm equipment and the window.”

“I’m sure we have enough—” Felix starts.

“No!”

Chan startles them all with his sudden shout.

“We don’t. We were barely breaking even this time last year. We only have enough profit for a bit of pocket change for each of you.”

Minho feels Jisung shift beside him on the other couch, and the next thing he knows Jisung’s taken off upstairs.

“Hey!” Minho shouts after him.

The others are too tired to do more than shrug.

Felix and Changbin are in the middle of trying to reassure Chan that everything will be alright, when Jisung comes running back into the room.

He’s carrying his old backpack from when Chan picked him up off the side of the road.

_He’s not going to try to leave is he?_

Minho’s unconsciously started to get up when Jisung digs through the bag and pulls something out.

“Take it.”

He holds out a roll of cash to Chan.

“Jisung…”

“Take it. I don’t need it.” Jisung has taken the rubber band off and is unfurling the bills. It looks like maybe $300.

“Jisung I can’t take all this from you. And the damage… it’s gonna be thousands of dollars.”

“Well then every bit helps. Please Chan.”

Minho steps in and pushes the money back into Jisung’s hands.

“I know where we can get the money.” He says.

…

“Where are you going?”

Jisung caught up with Minho on the porch when he stopped to tie his boots. He had told Chan and the others to wait there and ran for the door without an explanation.

“The field.”

“Our field?”

Minho smiled at up at him while he tightened the last knot in his laces.

“Yeah, I’ll be back soon.”

“Can’t I come with you?” Jisung asked, Minho was already down onto the gravel driveway, water was still dripping off the edge of the roof of the porch and wetting his worn boots.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back I promise.”

Jisung still looks reluctant as he watches Minho pick something up from the side of the house and take off in his old pickup.

…

...

The first thing Minho does when he’s out, is head to where his truck is impounded. He’s charmed his way into a ride from the prison to the lot, and almost immediately spots his dusty pickup through the fencing.

“What have they done to you baby?” Minho shakes his head, wiping his hand over the hood to clean the grime off the paint.

They don’t give him time to look her over, not that he wants to spend any more time with the guard hovering over him. He starts up the truck as soon as they hand him back the keys and prays the car will hold out until he can stop somewhere to fix it up.

At least he still has a car to come back to. Even if the contents of his bank account have been drained just to keep the truck here for the past three years. And all his phone calls and visitations were used up trying to facilitate it.

He rides out of there hoping he’ll never see another police uniform again.

When he’s driven a sufficient distance away from both the impound and the prison, he pulls over to the side of the barren highway.

The sun is high in the sky, beating down on his overgrown hair. He takes a moment to just stand on the side of the road and appreciate his surroundings, open space as far as he can see. No fences, no steel bars or doors. No other people.

Minho rounds the front of the truck and pops open the hood. The engine’s been left untouched for far too long. He tries not to cringe, there’s nothing he can do right now.

He reaches past the engine, down behind it his fingers catch on something and he pulls. The piece of metal comes out and he reaches into the gap it reveals. His hand finds something wedged into the hidden space and he pulls it out.

He drives down the highway with the windows down. He can’t help the smile on his face at the feeling of driving freely again. He wishes he could just drive forever, that the highway was endless and he could keep going infinitely; just him, the car, and the road. But he’s low on gas and also a little concerned about the grinding noise from the engine that is beginning to crescendo.

There’s finally a break in the seemingly endless sea of farmland, a sign on a tall post tells him there’s a gas station off the next exit.

Minho pulls into the tiny little town. And it feels absolutely surreal to be back in the world.

After filling his car up with gas and checking her over a bit, he goes to the little diner across the street.

Looking at the plastic covered menu makes his head spin. He’d thought so hard about what his first meal on the outside would be, but now that he’s here he can’t decide.

The waitress is nice, even if she tries to make small talk when she takes his order. He tries to remember the last time he saw a real life female; he’s been surrounded by men for a little too long.

“I guess you wouldn’t happen to know where I could find work around here? Maybe an auto-mechanics?” Minho asks, he doesn’t really care that he’s interrupting her rant about the hot weather.

“Mechanic? Well our local guy by the highway has his sons working for him right now. But some of the farms around here need help during the summer.” She puts her hand on her hip while she thinks.

“Oh y’know what, Chan over on the south side of town was looking for farmhands a couple months back. You could try there.”

She scribbles some directions on a napkin before getting called away by the cook.

After he’s finished, and she’s cleared his clean plate and refilled his mug, he catches her staring at him.

“Sorry honey, I just can’t shake the feeling I’ve seen your face before.”

Minho gulps, setting his mug down, coffee untouched. Suddenly he’s lost the taste for it.

“No, probably just a coincidence ma’am.”

“Oh but I’m sure I — Oh! where’s that newspaper?”

She swivels around, searching the other tables in the near-empty restaurant for a copy of the newspaper, as soon as she lifts it up he sees a flash of a familiar scene in black and white on the page and bolts from his booth.

“Wait! Where’re you going?” She calls out, newspaper falling to the floor in surprise.

“Thanks for the meal!”

He slaps a few bills on the table before he’s out the door.

He’s glad he parked around the side so she can’t watch him drive off from the diner windows.

He speeds out of town as quickly as possible, not slowing down until he sees a sign that reminds him of the little map the waitress had drawn out for him.

He follows her directions to the farm she told him about, even though there’s a chance the waitress could call ahead and warn them that Minho had been a bit suspicious. Hopefully she wouldn’t check the picture in the paper again.

When he pulls off the road and up the driveway he slows down and surveys the building. There was a big old farmhouse, with blue siding and wicker furniture on the front porch. It was nice, picturesque even.

He turns off the engine takes a long look at the bag on the seat next to him before he gets out and walks up to the front door.

Chan has to be the nicest man he’s ever met. He’s younger than Minho expected, although still obviously has a couple of years on him.

Minho smiles his first genuine smile in a long time when the older man tells him they happen to need someone to take a look at their old tractor.

He gets it running in a couple of hours, and Chan asks him if he’d like to stay.

A couple nights later he slips out of the house at one in the morning (He hasn’t been sleeping well, too many bad memories that won’t leave him alone.).

He gets in his truck and slowly pulls out of the long driveway.

He drives all the way to the furthest parcel of Chan’s land, the area already familiar to him after a couple days of driving the tractor around the farm.

There’s an open field ringed with trees at the furthest end of the crop fields.

He grabs a shovel from the back of the pickup and starts digging.

…

...

By the time Minho returns the sun has already gone down. They’re all still waiting in the living room. Though Younghyun has been flitting back and forth from the kitchen with snacks for everyone, trying to get Chan to eat something.

Jisung had spent the first hour glued to the window but jumps up from where’s he’s slumped over the couch when he hears the sound of the front door opening.

Minho rushes into the room, he’s covered in mud.

“Minho what is this?” Chan stares wide eyed at the bundle that Minho drops in his hands, the plastic around it falls open just enough to see the contents.

“We may have gotten caught, but we still finished the job.”

…

Jisung should be the only one who understands what Minho’s saying, but Chan looks between the stacks of cash and Minho’s dirt streaked face and stands up with a frown.

“You stole this?”

He drops the bundle into Changbin’s lap, who in his shock bounces it in his hands like a game of hot potato.

“What the fuck?” Hyunjin squeaks as the dirty bundle gets passed to him, no one seeming to want the responsibility of holding it. “You mean you just went out and fucking robbed someone?”

“No,” Chan says, “not today.”

Chan has crossed the room and is rifling through the messy bookshelf, leaving the rest of them to stare at his back in confused curiosity.

Finally, Chan finds what he’s looking for and pulls out a stack of paper.

He holds it out for Minho, it’s a newspaper, slightly yellowed on the edges. Jisung peers over Minho’s shoulder.

He quickly spots the date, June 30th 1986, three years ago. And sees a flash of the headline:

_“Local Couple Killed in Highway Accident.”_

But Chan flips it over quickly and Minho sucks in a deep breath.

Jisung would be able to spot a picture of Minho a mile away, so he quickly realises the grainy black and white photo at the bottom of the page is _the_ photo.

A younger Minho, face taking up a third of the frame, is being handcuffed against a police car. Behind him is the perfect columned façade of an old bank building and other men in ski masks struggling against police officers in between.

Jisung scans the article beside it.

“ _Two years after the arrest of inner-city gang members at infamous attempted bank robbery, head of gang faces trial. All known members of the group have been arrested in the years following the high-profile incident. The gang’s leader is the last to face trial, some of the other gang members are already nearing the end of their sentences for the attempted robbery on March 25th 1984...”_

“You did know this whole time.” Minho says, shoving the paper back at Chan, obviously not comfortable seeing _the picture_ again.

“I went through that newspaper a million times after my parents died. I recognized you the second I met you.”

Felix takes the newspaper and his eyes widen when he realizes what they’re talking about. The paper gets passed around the room. Everyone raising an eyebrow when they find out the truth about Minho’s past.

Jisung steps closer to Minho, he thinks he might need comfort in this vulnerable moment, and wraps himself around him. He feels Minho’s arm come up to hold him close, and then surprisingly feels another body press against his own.

He turns and sees Chan has joined the hug. And soon the others wrap around them as well until they’re a tangled mess in the middle of the living room and Minho breaks out into laughter at the absurdity of it all.

“I love you guys.”

“Of course you love us, we’re your family.”

Chan tries to refuse the money, especially when Minho confirms it’s the stolen cash from his gang days. He had buried it on the farm in case any old gang members tried to come looking for it.

He only relents when Minho assures him it was taken from a very despicable “old money” millionaire’s bank deposit box and that it wasn’t going to be missed.

It’s more than enough to cover the repairs to the farm and to buy brand new machines.

“It’s too much.” Chan says, when they’ve counted it all out.

Jeongin is straightening out each pile of cash. Jisung doubts that the kid can even comprehend just how much money he’s touching right now.

“If you don’t except it, I will.” Felix chides from across the couch.

Chan sighs and sinks into his chair.

“I can really take this?” He asks Minho.

“Yes. I want you to have it…Think of it as repayment, for everything you’ve done for me.”

“What have I done for you? You’re the one that works for me. ” Chan laughs.

Minho looks to Jisung sitting beside him, catching his eye and giving him a crooked smile.

“You’ve given me a home.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't freak out but this is technically the last chapter of the main story. BUT IT'S NOT FINISHED!!! There is still the epilogue and a little "sequel" to come, plus the requested "Jisung in a dress" content. 
> 
> If there's anything you want to see from this story; ideas for scenes (like more changlix), more backstories, etc., Please let me know!


	13. Bonus: Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The requested Jisung-in-a-dress content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This starts off wholesome...but you know...

Jisung was alone in the attic; sitting on the dusty old subfloor and going through boxes of Chan and Felix’s parents’ things.

Now that winter was fast approaching he suddenly needed more clothes, and Chan insisted he could take anything he wanted from the collection in the attic. Jisung already loved their dad’s old jacket that he’d found a couple months ago. And lucky for him Chan had kept most of his dad’s old clothes.

Apparently they usually made a shopping trip to the city in December, but Jisung wasn’t going to last that long in the growing cold. Plus, he’d much rather dig through old stuff in the attic on his own than go to a crowded city store in the holiday season.

Jisung had found a couple great sweaters. One of which was a big soft grey cable knit that he was worried Seungmin might try to steal from him, so he had folded it into the middle of his pile of finds just in case.

When he finished going through the last cardboard box he moved on to the old trunk in the corner.

He pulled it out a little from the wall and into the small patch of light coming from the narrow attic windows. He struggled to lift the heavy top, and had to double check that the little key in the front was in and unlocked.

When he finally got it open and carefully let go of the lid he was surprised by the faint smell of perfume. He had expected mothballs and dust but this was pleasant.

His eyes caught on it immediately. A corner of floral fabric peeking out from behind some plain, but obviously feminine, sweaters.

He pushed the folded sweaters aside and pulled it out.

It went into the middle of his pile beside the grey sweater he wanted to hide.

With the clothes hugged to his chest, Jisung poked his head out of the attic to the stairwell below.

Sure that no one was around he quickly made his way down and slipped into his room on the other side of the landing.

The pile of clothes was thrown on the bed when he closed the door behind him with a bump of his hip.

He turned on the little radio he’d gotten at the antique shop a couple weeks ago, just loud enough to fill the silence of the small room.

He pulled the floral fabric out from where it was tangled between the grey sweater and a navy sweatshirt.

He stripped down to his underwear and pulled the fabric over his head.

It was a dress.

A simple dress; with buttons down the front and a sash belt to tie around the waist.

He turned to the mirror propped up by the dresser.

(Minho had finally relented to having a mirror in their room. Apparently he actively avoided looking at his own reflection. Something Jisung was flabbergasted at because Minho was absolutely gorgeous and he should know it. Jisung had been able to convince him to get a mirror with a very steamy proposal after they saw this particular at the antique store. That had been a great day, Minho had agreed to try going into to town. They had a date at the diner and everything. And Minho only freaked out about people looking at him twice. And then that night they’d set up the mirror across from the bed and it had continued to be great.)

Jisung smoothed his hands down the fabric of the dress. The colours of the flowers looking pretty against his tan skin. The pattern is beautiful, so much like the dress his own mother had.

He had to tie it very tight on his thin frame. But Chan and Felix’s mother must have been a small woman, because the skirt only came down to his knees and fit tight around his shoulders.

While he’s admiring himself, the song playing on the radio drowns out the sound of footsteps outside the door. And Jisung whirls around in surprise when Minho walks in.

They stare frozen and wide eyed at each other for several long seconds. Jisung embarrassed at being caught, and Minho trying to take in the scene.

Minho is the first to snap out of it, and closes the door behind him.

“I—I found it…in the attic.” Jisung stutters out. Blushing under Minho’s unreadable but intense gaze. He holds his breath while Minho just looks him up and down.

“It’s really pretty.” He finally says.

And takes a step forward into the room, towards Jisung.

Jisung blinks and Minho’s right in front of him, looking down at his own hands as he brushes them against the floral fabric and loops his fingers into the belt.

“Did you find it in Chan's mother's old things? We could figure out how to sew, tailor it to fit you.” He hums, hands now moving to Jisung’s narrow hips through the slight fullness of the skirt.

“I um, I was actually wondering about turning it into a shirt.”

Jisung tugs the belt to loosen it and reaches for the skirt. A voice in the back of his head mourns the loss of Minho’s hands on him when his lover steps back to let Jisung move.

He pulls the skirt up to his hips, demonstrating his idea for Minho. He realizes, when he spots himself in the mirror out of the corner of his eye that it looks like he’s showing Minho his underwear instead.

“That could work too, then you could wear it around the house,” Minho smiles, his finger trails from the collar down the open neckline above the first button. “I kind of like it as a dress though.” His smile shifts into a smirk.

“Do you?” Jisung rolls his eyes and lets the skirt fall back around his thighs and re-ties the belt.

“I do, really.” Minho grabs Jisung’s hands in his, and Jisung relents easily, letting Minho pull him closer and swing him around.

It takes him a second to realize that his movement is matching the slow sounds from the radio.

They’re dancing.

Jisung straightens up and falls into step with Minho, who seems to light up even more now that Jisung has figured out what he was doing.

“When’s the last time you danced with someone?” Minho asks, his arm around Jisung’s small waist.

“Oh man…probably prom. Although I wasn’t wearing the one wearing a dress then.” Jisung laughs against Minho’s shoulder.

Minho leads them around a small waltz in the tiny room.

Minho twirls Jisung around, and beams at Jisung’s giggles. The skirt of the dress lifts as his spins.

“I’m getting dizzy” Jisung gasps and collapses into Minho, clutching tight to his arms as they catch him.

“I’m dizzy just looking at how beautiful you are.” Minho whispers against his ear.

Jisung can feel the flush bloom across his cheeks and down his body at Minho’s words. He will never understand how Minho can always find the most charming thing to say.

He hates it.

Because it makes him fall in love even more each time and he’s not sure his heart can take it

“This is weird isn’t it? To dance with a guy in a dress. Wait why are you such a good dancer.” Jisung leans back to look Minho in the eyes.

“Hey I’ve danced with drag queens in nightclubs, this isn’t my first rodeo.”

“You what?”

“That’s a story for another time.” He laughs.

Jisung circles his arms around Minho’s neck as they continue to sway to the music.

“Am I ever going to stop being surprised by you? You’ve lived a whole life away from me.” Jisung grumbles.

“Well if you stay with me, eventually you’ll learn everything… And you can experience the rest of my life with me.” Minho replies, a soft smile on his pretty face.

Jisung stops swaying.

“I want that,” He says, voice barely above a whisper, “I really want to. I want to know everything about you.”

Minho leans in and brushes their lips together. Jisung chases his lips when Minho pulls away as quickly as he leaned in.

“Everything?”

“Mhmm.” Jisung gives up on getting another kiss and leans his head on Minho’s shoulder.

“Well I can start by telling you that I’m really turned on by you in this dress.” Minho whispers against his hair. And slides his hands down from Jisung’s waist to his ass and gropes him through the skirt.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Minho presses himself flush against him so he can feel for himself.

“Oh.” Jisung gulps.

“Sorry, I know this isn’t a sex thing for you. We don’t have to do anything.” Minho smiles and cups Jisung’s cheek in his hand, putting some space between their hips.

“No, no. I want to. If you think its sexy that usually means I will too.” Jisung assures him with a laugh.

“I do. I think it’s really sexy.” Minho reaches for the hem of the skirt and runs his hands up Jisung’s thighs underneath it.

“Especially if you weren’t wearing anything under this skirt.” His fingers find the waistband of Jisung’s underwear and tug them down his slim legs until they fall to the floor.

Jisung is suddenly _very_ much into this.

“Can you…? Can we….” Jisung loses focus when Minho’s hand wanders under the skirt.

“What do you want baby?” Minho kisses the side of his mouth, “I know what I want.”

They’ve been experimenting a bit lately. And Jisung thinks they’re probably both thinking of the same thing. He nods, eyes not leaving Minho’s, saying it without having to speak the words.

“Do you want it? Are you sure?” Minho whispers against his cheek.

Jisung turns and catches Minho’s lips on his own. As the kiss deepens he backs them both up to the bed. They part when the back of Jisung’s legs hit the mattress and he sits down.

“Yeah,” he says breathlessly, and leans back on his elbows.

He spreads his legs, the floral fabric slips down his thighs and pools around his hips, exposing him to Minho, still standing between his legs.

“Fuck me.”


	14. Epilogue: 1995

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed my little update about it; Younghyun (Young K) has replaced W***** in this story.

1995

The four of them are pressed to the living room window, trying to see out under the curtain.

“Move over, I can’t see anything.” Seungmin hisses, elbowing Hyunjin in the ribs.

“He’s my fucking brother!” Hyunjin whispered back.

“He’s all of our brother!”

“Whoever’s on my back, get your hand off my ass” Jisung grumbled from the bottom of the pile.

“Whoops sorry.” Felix laughed, his chin knocking into Jisung’s head.

Jeongin had just gone on his first ever date. The girl had driven him home and they had been sitting out front for a couple minutes now.

“You guys are ridiculous” Changbin huffed from across the hall.

They all pulled back from the window to look out the living room doorway. Chan and Changbin were balancing on their tiptoes on the stairs to look out the window over the front door.

“Sure, we’re ridiculous…” Jisung scoffed.

They huddled back under the curtain, only to get immediately blinded by a car’s headlights.

Then came the sound of the front door, a bang as probably either Chan or Changbin tried to get away from the window (either hitting some part of their body against the wall or falling down the stairs), and Jeongin sighing at the aftermath.

The group in the living room was still detangling from the couch under the window when Jeongin poked his head around and made them all freeze like a game of Twister.

“You idiots could have at least tried to hide. We could see you all through the window.” Jeongin shook his head and walked past towards the kitchen.

“Hey! Not so fast.” Hyunjin tripped over Jisung’s feet as he rushed to catch his brother. The others trailing behind in a neat line all the way to the kitchen.

“So...” Hyunjin not-so-casually leaned against the counter beside his not-so-little brother, “how’d it go?”

Jeongin just looked back at the rest of them with a roll of his eyes as they were trying to act like they’d all naturally come into the kitchen at the same time. Each of them grabbing snacks or trying to make themselves look busy.

“Good.” Jeongin deadpanned, finishing pouring himself some milk, and snatching the box of cookies out of Felix and Jisung’s hands as he moved to the table. Jisung had made to grab it back but Jeongin had unfortunately grown taller than him this year and could keep it above his reach.

“Just good?” Chan asked from where he was leaning on the doorway back to the hallway.

“Yep.”

They all looked at each other, silently forming a plan to get their youngest to spill the details.

“It was nice of her to walk you to the door.” Changbin hid his smirk behind his mug of coffee (How he could drink coffee at any hour without it keeping him up at night was still a puzzling mystery to Jisung).

“Also for her to drive you home,” Chan says, “She is a year older than you right?”

“Hey!”

They all turned towards the back staircase, where Minho had just entered the scene.

“You guys said you weren’t going to harass him!” Minho stomped the rest of the way into the kitchen.

“We’re not!” Jisung protested.

“Oh shut up. I know what you’re all up to.” Minho turned his glare on each of them.

“Jeongin these perverts just want to know if you kissed the girl.” Minho stood protectively over Jeongin with his arms crossed.

Jeongin just sighs as the others try to protest.

“Jeongin, we just wanted to make sure you had fun. It was your first date.” Chan pushes himself between Minho and Jeongin to ruffle the teenager’s hair.

“Thanks Dad, but I’m not an idiot. I know that’s why you were all spying on me.” Jeongin rolls his eyes at his adoptive father, dunks a cookie in his glass of milk and shoves it in his mouth.

“See! He knows you’re all freaks. Now leave the kid alone.” Minho gives Chan a light smack on his shoulder, then turns and gives Jisung one too for good measure.

“Hey!”

“Thanks Minho,” Jeongin drains the rest of his milk and leans back in his chair.

“But I saw you watching us from upstairs too.”

“Hypocrite!” Jisung laughs and punches Minho in the shoulder as payback.

Minho swings his arm around him to pull him close and shut down any further (albeit weak) attacks. Jisung leans back into him unconsciously, looking smugly at Jeongin with his arms crossed.

“But you did kiss her right? Was it hot?” Jisung asks.

“Oh my god. Get out all of you!” Jeongin gets up and starts chasing Jisung around the room. His red ears give him away though. Hyunjin and Seungmin join in, making kissy faces at the youngest and running in circles around the kitchen. While Felix laughs his head off from where he’s perched on the counter, behind the wall that is Changbin, and away from the mess.

Chan rubbed his fingers into his temples.

“Is every family this crazy or just ours?”

“Just ours.” Minho smiled, catching Jisung before he could pounce on Jeongin, and trapping him against his side again.

Jisung loved this family.

He couldn’t believe there had been a time when he thought he didn’t belong with them. He remembers his first birthday in the house, how reluctant he had been to even let them include him in Felix’s party. And yet it had been such a happy day, a day that had affirmed to him that they all loved him like family, that they fully accepted him.

Of course now he had spent many birthdays here, and only fallen more in love with his family since then (And with Minho of course).

He had worried in the beginning about what would happen if he and Minho broke up. But after the first year passed he knew that if they had made it that far (working together and living in a tiny bedroom together) without issues then there was nothing to worry about.

And he was still in love with him, more in love with him.

Every day he still looked at Minho in awe.

Minho still looked like a movie star, and he still made Jisung feel like a love-struck teenager, even though they were both getting old now.

He loved all of the other men he lived with like his own brothers.

And every day he felt lucky to be supported by the seven of them.

Younghyun now lived in town with his new wife and baby. They were all happy for him when he found love, when he found his own family. Even though it meant he wouldn’t be a part of _their_ family anymore.

After Younghyun’s small wedding in the town’s church, Changbin started getting really preachy about love and marriage.

Which was all well and good except for the fire it lit under Changbin’s ass, causing him to absolutely lose his mind and ask Felix to marry him.

It didn’t help that he did it right after an impassioned speech about gay rights, in front of everyone, including an awkwardly silent Chan. Or that Felix, because he practically worshipped the ground that Changbin walked on, immediately said yes and tackled his lover in front of everyone too.

Jisung and Minho had spent that night talking in hushed whispers about their own relationship, and about how lucky they were to live in this little bubble of a homestead where they could be themselves and love openly. The rest of the world wasn't so nice about it.

Changbin and Felix couldn’t actually get married. But a couple days after Changbin’s proposal, Chan went on a spontaneous trip (That was a horrible couple of days of everyone being confused and worried about him) and when he came back he said he had gotten ordained as a minister and was going to marry them right there.

It was the most random and beautiful and heart wrenching impromptu event Jisung had ever experienced. Changbin’s sister and Younghyun were the only other guests. They all threw together some decorations under the fruit trees, hanging Christmas lights and gathering flowers, Minho even managed to build a wooden arch for them to stand under.

It was the first time Jisung ever saw Changbin cry. It was the first time he ever saw Chan cry.

It was the second time Jisung danced with Minho and knew he wanted to stay here with them forever.

…

Hyunjin’s hair is shorter now, a straight cut below his chin. It matches the grunge bands on the new posters on his wall.

Hyunjin gets a lot of attention. Heads turn to him in town, people barely even notice the rest of them next to him. Everyone recognizes how beautiful he is; how handsome he’s become.

Seungmin has always thought Hyunjin was beautiful.

Not in the same way as Minho, who looked like a handsome TV star, or in any of the ways the others were handsome and had nice features.

No, the only word he could ever think of when he saw Hyunjin was beautiful. Indescribably beautiful sometimes.

He was ethereal in a different way from someone like Felix; much darker, sharper, and intense.

He was so in awe of him.

And yet he had lived with Hyunjin for years; he knew all his embarrassing habits. He knew Hyunjin sometimes giggled like a girl, babied his little brother, left dirty clothes in the bathroom, and had slipped into cow manure way too many times to count. He knew Hyunjin could be arrogant, dramatic, whiny, petty, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

But Seungmin still couldn’t help but stare at him in reverence and feel so overwhelmed by Hyunjin’s very presence.

He didn’t know when things changed. When he realized that he was in love with him.

He didn’t know when things changed with Hyunjin. When they could no longer ignore the tension sparking between them.

He didn’t know when Hyunjin started to love him back. He still couldn’t believe that he did.

But he remembered the first time they kissed. When years of friendship and near-brotherhood were altered forever.

Hyunjin always spoke to him in a such a nice calm soothing voice. Different from the way he would speak with the others or if they were all in a group, then he was loud and dramatic and honestly too much sometimes. It was different when it was just the two of them.

Even though he laughed a little too loud sometimes, Seungmin found he didn’t mind because it meant he was happy.

Seungmin and Hyunjin understood each other better than anyone else in the house. Because they had experienced similar trauma, and they both had to carry the burden of someone else’s choices on their shoulders. It wasn’t obvious from the outside. Those experiences made them more similar than people realized, even if they had handled it in slightly different ways. Seungmin had collapsed in on himself, learned to be quiet and put his head down and work through it while internally being scared of everything. But Hyunjin had to take care of Jeongin, to always put him first, to shield him and fight back. Seungmin came out of it appearing mature, he was still a broken kid inside; while Hyunjin wore his emotions on the outside, but was the one who had had to grow up for his brother’s sake.

They had always had this deeper understanding of each other, it was built slowly as they opened up and learned to trust each other over years of living together and being friends. But by the time they realized their romantic feelings for each other they knew each other completely.

They forgot to close the curtains, and the morning light is streaming right in and bouncing off the white walls.

Even Seungmin’s collection of evenly spaced photographs, such a contrast to Hyunjin’s irregular collection of posters and antique store finds, lights up in the brightness.

There’s no use in trying to go back to sleep.

Hyunjin pulls his head off the pillow, Seungmin has turned towards him and looks absolutely angelic against his white sheets. He smooths Seungmin’s hair against the hazy pillowcase. He suddenly much prefers these bright sheets to his own dark blue ones across the hall.

He hovers over him, eyes meeting under sleep-heavy lids.

“Are you leaving?” Seungmin asks, voice soft and thick from sleep.

“Mhmm.”

Hyunjin brushes Seungmin’s hair back again, then lets his hand rest on the pillow next to Seungmin’s cheek while he leans down and steals a kiss. Its slow; deep yet chaste, it makes his heart compress and his eyes flutter against the brightness of the room.

Hyunjin pulls himself up, reluctantly, out from under the blanket and away from the warmth of Seungmin’s body.

Their hands catch as Hyunjin turns away to keep himself from crawling back in.

“You could stay.”

“I want to…”

“But?”

“But I should go before Jeongin wakes up. Go back to sleep Minnie.”

“Too late, I’m awake now.” Seungmin sighs and lifts himself onto his elbows.

“Why don’t we just tell them?”

“Cause its tradition!” Hyunjin grinned

“That’s stupid.”

“yeah, but it’s also kinda hot.”

Seungmin blushed and turned away from Hyunjin’s smirking face.

“Yeah… it is kind of hot.”

“Told you.” He beamed.

Hyunjin swooped in for one last quick kiss to Seungmin’s cheek and then he was slipping out the door in a halo of morning light.

Seungmin knew Hyunjin was only playing this little game just to torture the others. They would love that the two of them were together. Felix especially, since he’s caught onto the way Seungmin reacts to Hyunjin.

And he knows Hyunjin will be the one to spoil the surprise eventually, because he’s not good at hiding how intensely he looks at Seungmin these days.

Seungmin lets himself fall back against his pillow.

The ghostly traces of Hyunjin’s lips against his skin from last night make him shiver.

Yeah, it probably won’t stay a secret for very long.

They’ll be okay.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support on each chapter, I'm sorry it took so long to finally post an epilogue.
> 
> This story is my baby, I started it in February 2020 with the intention to just write down the ideas that were coming to mind so vividly. Honestly if I hadn't had to quarantine I probably never would have posted it.
> 
> I spent more time on writing and editing this fan fiction than I did for my thesis paper.....
> 
> If you have questions about this au (characters, relationship headcanons etc) I have details stored away in my head (I even built the entire farm and town in minecraft).
> 
> I'm going to go re-read this fic for myself now, on ao3 and not in my 153 page colour coded word doc.
> 
> Before I go here's one of my favourite passages from the story:
> 
> "He settles back into bed, curling around Jisung’s smaller body. He’s had him for weeks now, and yet it still feels like a dream sometimes; that there’s no way the universe could have brought him this angel. That he shouldn’t get to have someone like him after everything he’s done.   
> Jisung leans back into his hold, sleepily pressing his cheek to Minho’s. They’re pressed skin to skin under the blanket and it feels intimate in the coolness of the dark room. Minho lets himself appreciate this moment with him, sleepy and full of love, and no longer alone in the world.”  
> -Chapter 12: Rain


	15. Bonus: Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Go check the last chapter for the epilogue, this is just screenshots of the model of the farm I built in minecraft lol

I posted the screenshot of my Homestead minecraft build to twitter because it was the easiest way I could think of.

Am I crazy for building this? yes

https://twitter.com/skzasclowns1/status/1310586405354188806?s=20

https://twitter.com/skzasclowns1/status/1310586711374729219?s=20

https://twitter.com/skzasclowns1/status/1310586930590109697?s=20

also idk how twitter works I never use it.


End file.
